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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Don't be sorry! We're here to listen and support the venting lol 

 

Sounds like you still have a few assessments to go, you can do ittt!!! 💪

 

How's your one for today coming along? 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

So the one that needs to be in for tonight just needs editing to cut down on the word count and I can submit that garbage fire and move onto my other work 🙃
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Whoo!! How's it going cutting it down? Almost done?

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

yup it's submitted! I've just been taking a break by catching up on lectures now haha.. then I'll make a start on the other 4 assessments tomorrow Smiley Sad
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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

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Oh shit.. you just reminded me!! I have so many lectures to catch up on before my exams 🙃 Make sure you take some time to yourself to relax and recuperate too! 

 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  good job on submitting the assignment 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

TW (I'm safe) I've had a bit of a relapse of sorts, not very bad, just sort of relying on unhelpful coping strategies. The thing that's really annoying me is there seems to be no reason behind it I just feel all hollow and angry at myself. Like I genuinely just want to.. 'go away'.. But like it makes no sense nothing triggered this unless it's literally me not being able to cope without seeing my psych for a week and a bit. I don't think it's that. But I'd be annoyed if it was just my attachment problems playing up. I'm so ashamed of myself, I've gone back to old behaviours and if I said anything to my psych she'd think it was from not getting enough attention, and what if that's true?

 

I tried taking a break from uni work, being mindful and 'self-compassionate' and getting my weighted blanket but nothing helped and yesterday I texted a crisis chat thing and that wasn't helpful and I thought the only way to feel better was to go all self-destructive

 

This is not good at all because I have another big assignment due Friday that I have not yet even started research for because all I can think of is death. So I guess I will have to use my extension for that one too

 

I know this must have something to do with my pushing people away thing because I both want to push everyone away and ask for help

 

I just want this to be over ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Okay virtually screaming seems somewhat therapeutic right now so I will continue in a spoiler box

 

Spoiler
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay I am done with my virtual screaming. I think this should be a new therapy Smiley Tongue Can we have a thread dedicated to just screaming, no context needed Smiley LOL

 

 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Aw, I am sorry to hear that things have been tough for you lately @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I am glad to hear that you are currently safe. This time of the year is so hard for students as it involves multiple assignments and exams due at once which can be so stressful. I am glad to hear that you have been able to get some of the assignments done and dusted, I hope that has helped ease some of the stress. It's also good that you should be able to get an extension for your next upcoming assignment. Is that an interesting assignment?

 

It is great that you have been keeping track of how you are feeling and considering what factors may have lead to you feeling this way. I know that you mentioned feeling annoyed if the feelings were linked to not seeing your psych, but I am wondering if you would feel comfortable discussing these feelings and thoughts with your psych? They might be able to help you out and offer another perspective on what might be happening for you. I hope that the virtual screaming was a bit relief for you! I love the idea Smiley Happy

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Aww dude, I'm sorry to hear things aren't going to plan for you at the moment ❤

It's so hard when we've been going okay and then go back to those bad habits.. especially when we don't even know why we're doing it - it's like nothing makes sense hey?! I'm so sorry that's how you're feeling cause I understand how frustrating it can get which just makes the internal anger even worse and the thoughts even stronger. It's such a viscous cycle hey? 

 

I do think it's great you've tried so many strategies, just don't beat yourself up about them not working okay - sometimes it's shit and no matter how hard you try they just don't work. And that's okay ❤ Just try not to be too hard on yourself about it okay?!?! 

 

Is there something that makes you think it's your attachment playing up? Like are you feeling like you need to connect with your psych? Cause what about even just sending her an email? I've found the whole adjusting to fortnight sessions pretty damn rough so I'll often send her an email in between. I try not to but sometimes I just really need to talk to her and tell someone I'm not okay? Idk, I find after sending an email it sometimes helps my attachment cause it's like I've spoken to her? Maybe you could give that a try if you're feeling it may be because of your psych and missing her? Idk. I also agree with @Sophia-RO and think you should maybe mention this to her? You could even make the email about that. Just say it's something you want to address in your next session? Cause she may not be able to respond or whatever but it may help? Idk. Attachment sucks ass!! 

 

Do you think there's anything else that could be triggering you? Like maybe the uni workload? It's so hard when we can't pinpoint the issue!!! I hope tonight you're able to just take some time to yourself to just relax and listen to some of your favourite music, give your brain a bit of a rest. And so what if you need to use the extension, I say bloody well go for it girl!!! 

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Re: It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5 

I wanted to check in with how you're going today? And also to say good on you for trying a few different things to feel better, I'm sorry they weren't super helpful but you should be proud of yourself for acknowledging that you weren't feeling good and doing something about it Heart

How are things with you now?

 

Also virtual screaming is an inspired idea that I am now obsessed with. Love it. Chefs kiss.