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Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Hey ReachOut
So recently me and my girlfriend broke up with what I thought was a mutual understanding that we would be better off not being together
However, she is now telling people that I broke up with her over the phone. She was the one who intially brought up the idea of breaking up but when I said we should talk in person, she refused.
So now she has been saying stuff about me like that I am a creep and I should be avoided by any other girls in the school.
She has been told that I have been spreading rumors and stuff about her by other people when that simply isn't true.
When someone asks me what happened, I just say "It didn't work out".
I don't know what to do about it. I'm not worried about my relationship with her but I don't want to be called a creep and a bad choice when it comes to dating.
I have tried to get her to talk in person but she refuses to talk to me.
I have apologized for harm that I have caused her and I have wished her a healthy future and I have admitted that I can be an a**hole and that I am doing all I can to better myself.
How do I get her to believe that I am not spreading negativity about her or how do I stop her from doing that to me?
I like to see myself as a genreally nice and caring guy but if she begins to make fake stuff up, I fear for my social life. My close friends obviously don't believe her but again, I don't want that sort of stuff spread about me.
It makes me really upsetSmiley Sad

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Hey @drhalloween 

 

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment and it does sound so upsetting. To me, you seem like an amazing person and the way you have dealt with the situation so far has been so admirable. She kinda seems really bitter and angry and that is definitely not healthy. She might be doing this to ruin your reputation or get some sort of response from you. 

 

I can understand why this is bothering you because she is judging your character and trying to turn people against you which is so wrong. Unfortunately I dont think there is anything you can do to change how someone acts but you can control how you react. You sound like a very nice person and regardless of what she says, that shouldn't change how you see yourself and sometimes you just cant stop people from spreading that kind of things. 

 

I have always had people spreading rumours about me and even though it hurts and I want to protest and jump up and yell at someone, I just cant because reacting to it means the person who said it is winning and getting what they want because they have pushed you over the edge.

 

Stay strong and be patient because if you pay her no mind, she will eventually move on. 

 

I hope this helps and Take care of yourself 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Thanks @ruenhonx 
I have a friend who is close to her who is tring to convince her that the stuff I had apparentely said about her was taken out of context or simply not true. She however, believes I am manipulating people to support me and to go against her.
I don't blame her at all, this whole thing started due to a misunderstanding.

I just want her to believe that I haven't said anything against her at all but she refuses to believe anything that supports me. I have even sent her pictures of the texts that I thought was a mutual break up (I know it's not thebest way but she refused to talk i person and had said that she knows what is going to happen). She also now think I am interested in another girl to get back at her which is also complete nonsense. She herself said that I should move on.

 

I am simply just going to stay out of her way and not say anything about her at all. If she continues, it will only affect her and that's not my problem. Call me a bad guy, but I just don't care about what happenes to her anymore. I want her to have a happy life but if she wants to go and screw it up, I don't really care.

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Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Here's the thing: you can't get through to some people. I think the best you can ever really hope for is to let your actions speak for you, and if she decides she eventually wants to talk to you; so be it.

 

As for the rumour spreading, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're still in high school. Thing about rumours in high school is that they eventually die down and people forget about them. Besides, there's still girls in the other schools in town; it's hard to believe that every girl in your area believes what she has to say, or has even necessarily heard it.

 

But yeah, there's probably not a great deal you can do about it at this stage. If people ask you about the rumours, just explain to them how it went down and let them make up their own minds. A few people will eventually come round and see it your way.

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

I am still in high school, you're right.
I do think that rumors die down but it's more of a thing where she'll bad mouth me to anyone I meet e.g. new students or other people she meets who are associated to me.
I am just kinda doing a "If I stay out of her life, she'll stay out of mine" but if it persists or gets worse in the coming weeks or through the next year, what should I do?

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles


@drhalloween wrote:

I am still in high school, you're right.
I do think that rumors die down but it's more of a thing where she'll bad mouth me to anyone I meet e.g. new students or other people she meets who are associated to me.
I am just kinda doing a "If I stay out of her life, she'll stay out of mine" but if it persists or gets worse in the coming weeks or through the next year, what should I do?


If it persists, you might want to consider seeing one of the teachers about it or maybe your year advisor. Depending on what the culture at your school is like, they might dismiss you out of hand, but I think if you keep a written record of what's happening from this point onwards, you should be fine. Also, depending on how bad it gets, it might be grounds for harassment, so that's why I think you might want to consider keeping a written record.

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

@ruenhonx @Pris 
Thanks for the help guys
Just an update
She has calmed down now and moved on
She has started liking another guy, a bit I think to do with trying to make me jealous but I don't really care
I am just gonna stay out of her life and she should stay out of mine
If she keeps going or starts up again or gets worse, I'll start to report it
I think she has a few issues to do with relationships and her own mental health. When we were together, I did urge her to get proffessional help but she refused. It was a bad combination with our issues (I have depression and anxiety) even if we fit will with personalities.
I feel sorry for her truly and hopefully she'll get better but it's not my problem anymore.
Just hope this new guy is prepared.
It reminds me of the song "Hopeful" by Josh Ritter

I’ve seen her around now with someone new I don’t know 
She likes greed-eyed boys who are haloed in hope 
But I know the look in his eyes and I know all the old signs 
Just a couple more curves before his own road unwinds 

These days I’m feelin’ better about the man that I am
There’s some things I can change and there’s others I can’t 
I met someone new now I know I deserve 
I never met someone who loves the world more than her 

She has been through her own share of hard times as well
And she has learned how to tear out the heaven from hell 
Most nights I’m alright still all rocks roll down hill
But she says I’ll get better, she knows that I will

Thanks guys Smiley Happy

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Well it's been a while but here's an update
@ruenhonx 

Okay so what has happened since
I realised how poorly I was treated in the relationship. I won't go into details but let's just say she started getting feelings for another guy but refused to end our relationship. I realised she is immature and self centred and I am glad to be rid of her to be honest.
Our school formal was at the end of the year and me and my ex girlfriend were supposed to go together as expected, so when we broke up, we didn't.
I invited a friend from Canberra and she agreed to come all the way down to go with me, which made me start to get feelings for her.
My ex girlfriend on the other hand, heard about me inviting someone and is convinced I did it to "get back at her" , which is kinda contradictory seeing as she was the one accusing me of stuff.
Anyway, formal went along without a hitch. My ex was openly trying to piss me off and make me jealous with her date but I found it quite amusing, if a tad annoying as I want to give my date a good time. I got reports from my friends about overhearing my ex talking about us to her friends but again, I had no reaction.

So what's the story today?
I am now going out with the girl who I invited to formal and I am really happy. She is beautful, caring and hilarious. She doesn't neglect me like my ex and on the contrary, gives me full attention which I love Smiley Happy
My ex pops up every now and then but the only thing I think about her is how funny it is that she is still going on about it, which is her problem. She did say she "wouldn't mind" being friends again, but I don't think I want to be, not until she realises what she did to me and gets her s*** together.

Anyway, thanks heaps guys! I am a lot better Smiley Very Happy

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

So glad to hear things are going well for you now!

I've always found that every time a relationship has ended, something really great happens to me soon afterwards. Looks like the same has happened for you, too. Smiley Happy

 

I feel a little bit sad for your ex, though… sounds like she's having trouble moving on. Maybe she's disappointed because you got over it and moved on a lot more quickly than she excepted you would. When other people don't react as expected, sometimes people feel like they're losing control.

Re: Ex Girlfriend Troubles

Hey @drhalloween 

 

I agree with what Lex said, one door closes another door opens. I am very happy to hear that your new relationship is going well. There is nothing more amazing than being in a healthy relationship. I am glad you also realized that you deserve better and even though your ex may have been an unhealthy relationship for you, I think she also represents an important life lesson for you as well. 

 

Exes will always come in and out of your life but its great that you are moving on and know that it is best for you to distance yourself from her for now anyway. 

 

Thanks for coming back to update us Smiley Happy 

 

 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**