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Fail

I've broken down in tears today
Ever since my high school days in 2014, I was delusional in thinking I could be a filmmaker. So in my first dumb decision, any business that did anything with video I wrote a letter insisting that I was super keen to volunteer for free at their offices. Few took me up on this offer.
2015 I had a few odd jobs here and there before I graduated and then 2016 I was in Uni studying filmmaking at Uni but left due to bullying and being green doing programs. I didn't go back in 2017 as I tried chasing other career goals that weren't filmmaking but I for some reason felt the urge to try again. As I got inspired by movies like Rogue One as it became my favourite movie for a period. That backfired and I was depressed for ages. I've started to pick up and decided again, not to be a filmmaker but one of those places recently emailed me asking if I'll do stuff for them.
I had to say no, I can't do it again. I'm just not cut out for that field. I shouldn't do it. In order to make sure I don't even think of trying again I've taken down all my Rogue One posters and will probably put the discs in storage

MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 04-11-2021 04:08 PM

Comments

 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 04-11-2021 10:41 PM

Hey @MemphisBelle 

 

I’m so sorry to hear you broke down today. While reading your experience, I could really see how you put your heart and soul into wanting to become a filmmaker. It sounds like a lot of years were spent in conflict around the direction you were wanting to seek in your career. That would’ve been so hard to navigate, and I’m sure it’s still a theme that you’re tackling at this moment. Correct me if I’m wrong, but with all the challenges that you were encountering, it sounds like you felt the way you envisioned a career in filmmaking was not the reality that met you.

It sounds like you paid heed to your own mental health in your decision to step-away from the industry. I’m sure that was a hard boundary to establish. I can imagine that the email you received recently brought back some difficult memories for you?

It can feel pretty surreal taking down that poster that was your motivation. I hope that in time, a new poster with better associations will replace it. What do you think might help you process things a bit better? Do you have anyone like friends or family you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

We’re here for you.

I hope it’s not in bad taste, but I want to say may the force be with you.

Welcome back!

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