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Family Feuds

Hey everyone,

 

I'm struggling to cope with my younger brother at the moment. He's been rather rude and nasty to me and it only seems to be getting worse. He will mumble nasty words and comments just loud enough so that I can hear them, then turn around and accuse me of lying to get him into trouble.

I've talked to my parents about it, dad just ignores it, and occasionally bans him from the computer for the remainder of the day, but it never works, the next day he's back at it. Where mum doesn't seem to do anything. Occasionally she will tick him off about it, but it never really gets the message across. 

Upon telling her about the last incident ( tonight) she just said that there is nothing she can do and that he's learnt it from school. Which I find totally irritating because she should be able to discipline him! I was never allowed to get away with behaviour like that, not that I was ever this rude!

 

He does have a diagnosis of ADHD and has other learning difficulties which have not been diagnosed... But surely it doesn't give him a right to be so rude and arrogant?! I'm really struggling to cope with his behaviour and am at my wits end as to what to do. Nothing seems to work with him. It's like dead set if he's out to annoy me he will, it doesn't matter at what cost he will kept going until I crack it. I just don't know what to do anymore. If I ignore it he will keep going and it only gets worse, and if I say something nothing is done and I'm accused to lying. I can't even walk away from the situation because I'm just told to come back and ignore him. Yet if he walks off more often than not he's allocated a new task or let to lay around leisurely which only feeds his ego...

 

If anyone has any suggestions I'm grateful for ideas. I feel like this isn't helping me any with everything else...

 


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Family Feuds

Hey @Bee  that sounds really crappy. It sucks that he can get away with that and that your parents aren't really doing anything. I guess what I might suggest is trying to ignore it? I know that is so much easier said than done but I'm just wondering if he likes to do it because he gets a reaction out of you. Although I know it would make my blood boil to do it, maybe over time he will get sick of it. 

 

Do you guys get along or hang out at all? Sometimes having siblings can be sooooo frustrating but sometimes they are awesome, maybe those days are just a little further away....

 

Keep us posted Smiley Happy

 

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Re: Family Feuds

@rt262 thanks for replying

I do sometimes get along with him. It also makes it hard because if I were to bring this up with him when we're 'getting along' it only makes the air tense and disrupts the notion of us getting along...

I can try to ignore him for longer, but apart of me feels like he learns that he can get away with his bad behaviour if he's not reprimanded for it...


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Family Feuds

That's a toughie, when you want to enjoy that time spent getting along but it doesn't seem fair to just ignore the previous bad behaviour.

 

Hmm... I know what you're saying about him not being reprimanded, but I guess one thing to think about would be whether that is your role to discipline him- especially when it makes your relationship tense. Even thoughhhh your parents don't seem to want to do it. What an annoying cycle!

 

Have you sat down and had a proper chat with your parents about it? Maybe your dad because he seems to be more likely to give it a go. Maybe you can point out how it makes you feel and the impact it's having on you?

 

I'm here to keep battling out some solutionsif you need Smiley Happy!

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Re: Family Feuds

Hey @Bee  sounds like you are in abit of a sticky situation. Sometimes you feel when you are growing up with siblings that you are treated unfairly or disclipined differently however I'm sure you're parents do not mean anything of it and people just learn differently in life through different experiences. I know that you said you don't likw bringing up the problem you have with him when your relationship is doing good because you don't want to create tension but i think that is the only way to go about it. I think you should be very sensitive when bringing it up and talk calmly and help him understand your side. If you see that it is heating up just allow him to say his part then say yours. I can imagine it's hard but just try your best to ignore it and always think before you say something you might regret or let your emotions have the better of you.

 

Best of luck and let us know how everything is going 

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Re: Family Feuds

If it helps at all @Bee remember that you won't be living under the same roof forever! My younger brother knew exactly how to push my buttons and it was so hard no to give him the reaction he was looking for - in fact, most of the time I couldn't keep my cool and ended up in a fight with him. BUT he moved out at 17 and that tension was eased greatly. I know it doesn't feel very helpful in those moments where you want to scream at him, but you can go to your mental 'happy place' sometime in the future where you don't live together Smiley Happy

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Re: Family Feuds

@rt262 yep definitely a toughie!
I guess that's something I haven't really thought about. I could ignore it next time and just quietly mentioning to my parents. I guess this is something I need to work on and issues within me...

The other thing is that he will do the opposite of what you want him to and continue to stir and then do what you DON'T want him to do! Then he will just turn around and deny it.

I have tried to talk to them about it, the funny thing is that dad doesn't really care, he just annoyed with hearing about it so he bans the computer to shut the issue up.. which of course never works because then I get the wrap from my brother again! (Talk about a vicious cycle!) My mum will sometimes act upon the behaviour, but it's not consistent...

@m-y93 yep everyone learns differently. The thing about bringing it up with him is that it only creates another argument! He never wants to admit that he's done anything disrespectful or that has hurt another person. He will deny anything that is pointed out to him. I guess this one really hits hard because I am such an honest person, and I don't see how someone can blatantly lie!?

Thanks guys, this has given me a bit to think about, I will trial these points and see how they go.
Will keep you posted Smiley Happy


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Family Feuds

@ElleBelle Yes that is true, but being 5 years younger than me, so it's not like he's moving out anytime soon! I can't until I find employment to be self-sufficient, which at this stage is looking like it's a long way off!
Your younger brother sounds exactly like mine!
"knew exactly how to push my buttons and it was so hard no to give him the reaction he was looking for"
Relates so well to the situations I'm battling with!!

Will try to remember a happy mental place when in future situations! Thank you


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Family Feuds

Hey @Bee how are you going?

 

My brother used to do similar things

Stir me up all the time until I lost it and then I would get in trouble and he would lie and try and look like the angel!

 

I think when you guys are hanging out and friendly maybe just say, Hey when you stir me up it really frustrates me and it hurts me because of this and this and this

It might make it tense but when you are hanging out it might be more like you are equal or on the same level and if its done calmly and you try and explain exactly how it makes you feel, it might show him that it really affects you and it isnt just a game and that when he hurts his sister he annoys, it also hurts his sister he hangs with and is friends with?

 

What do you think?

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Re: Family Feuds

Hey @Bee

I feel like your telling my life story here, not really but metaphorically speaking. I completely understand. Calling you names, hardly being disciplined. Just because he has some troubles he feels that he can get away with being rude and nasty.
It hurts to be accused of lying when you are telling the truth. Especially when it's about a sibling, or in this case an irritating younger brother.

Yes, maybe talking to your mother in private after a situation has occurred without your brother's knowledge or just at any time in private might give you mother a chance to explain why she is so lenient with him.

Sometimes I laugh. Whatever his insult I just laugh at it. The guy wants to push my buttons with insults? I'm not wearing a blouse or jeans or anything with buttons so there is nothing there to push! That was a weird analogy(I think it's an analogy, or metaphor?) but I laugh. Not exactly at him per say but just in general. I think of something amusing. The cat thinking she's invisible behind the couch but I can still see the top of her head and ears and laugh. He gets annoying and then leaves. It works sometimes. It might work for you too. Him seeing that you get amusement from his teasing, which is not the reaction he wants, might get him to realise that it's not working out and he'll stop. Or bother you less frequently. Either one is a win.

Good luck though, I know you have to stuff to get through this!
N1ghtW1ng