Family troubles...

[Anonymous1379]

Hey there   (I'm 15)

I've really just wanted to get something off my chest. 

I have a tough home life. My dad leaving my family at 4 yrs old and kind of from there my whole life and family really just fell apart. My mum isn't exactly the person I thought she was. There has been several times DHS has been called. The case was that they had reason to believe mum was paranoid. Which from what I know isn't an actual mental health condition but can be severely detrimental. Mum claims that people break into our house, have stolen belongings, follow her in the shops, she doesn't trust us either, someone has to be at the house or else she becomes distressed. These things don't really add up though because the house has three locks in the front door and window locks on every door. It feels like I get fed lies or more to the point truths to her but don't actually add up in reality. And I'm often the one that gets blamed. I've been called a liar, abusive, a thief, and a bitch. Yes I'm not perfect. I have my flaws but the one thing that I hate most is lying. So the things I get called hurt. They feel like a punch in the gut. Sometimes it feels she does it on purpose but she's my mum she couldn't really do that on purpose right? I don't know if what I'm going through is all in my head and I'm the one at fault and that I need to start being a better person. Thats what scares me the most. I don't know all the facts so I can't make an honest and smart decision. The decision I'm referring to is actually leaving home. But then I think about how that would affect her. Where blood so how could I just leave my family? I don't know who to trust and who to go to. I'm not happy here. What's the smartest thing to do here?

Is this just stupid?

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Anonymous1379, thank you for sharing. I am so sorry to hear about your experience at home and the relationship that you have with your Mum. It sounds like this experience has been really difficult for you and has made you question whether it is your fault. You deserve to be able to be happy where you are living without being called names. It also sounds like you are feeling really stuck at the moment and are wondering if you should move out. If you left home, where would you go? I am also wondering if you have talked to a psychologist? They can help you work through how you are feeling right now. Sometimes it can help to talk to an objective person about these kinds of things We are to listen.

[Anonymous1379]

Hey @Taylor-RO 

I haven't talk to anyone about this. I don't know how to and I feel if I do I'm betraying my Mum. I don't have any where to go. I feel kind of isolated. My extended family doesn't have much contact with us and they are hours away anyway. I don't really know how to explain it because it's so complex. It probably sounds stupid or that I'm just overreacting. It just doesn't feel right.....

Thank you for replying

[Anonymous1379]

@Taylor-RO 

I'm not in danger or anything. It's just mentally challenging. It's been like this for a few yrs....

[Taylor-RO]

Thanks for letting us know @Anonymous1379 It sounds like it has understandably taken a massive toll on you. Speaking up can be tricky but just know that you have a right to share how you are feeling. Talking to someone about this may allow you to better manage the situation and the emotions that come along with it. They can also help you figure out the complexity of the situation too. You don't have to talk to someone until you are ready and comfortable to do so - no pressure. What makes you feel as though you would be betraying your Mum?

[Anonymous1379]

@Taylor-RO 

I will definitely take some time to think about seeking some support❤️

I feel like I would be betraying my mum because I have done it once before and she has never forgive me for it....

Thank you for talking ❤️

[Tiny_leaf]

Hi @Anonymous1379 

Is it okay if I ask you how much you know about delusions?

Is there any more information you'd like about them?

[Janine-RO]

Hey @Anonymous1379 , it must be so hard feeling like you're betraying your mum if you speak to someone. I can totally understand those feelings, but it's a lot to be resting on your shoulders. Do you have any brothers or sisters at all? 

If you don't feel comfortable chatting to someone face to face at the moment, there's also some phone and online counselling services that are free - they can be a good way to test out how you feel about  chatting to a professional. They're really non-judgmental and open minded- Kids Helpline have webchat as well as phone counselling, eHeadspace are also another good one.  I've also just sent you a quick email  

You definitely don't sound stupid or like you're over-reacting, and we're glad you came to have a chat about things here. 

[hunginc]

@Anonymous1379 I can relate to your experiences and sorry to hear that you don't have anyone you can talk to about what's been going on for you. 

As someone who was abused as a child, I found it hard to talk about my experiences to anyone except for psychologists only decades after the abuse, and understand why you might not want to talk to someone face-to-face. 

You are brave for sharing your experiences with us and do not have deal with this by on your own. If you're comfortable, we are here for you if you want to talk.

Are there things you could do in the meantime you get your mind off things?