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Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

So my best friend could no longer handle me, found me condescending and controlling, I have come to see her point. But she's moved out. Now I am home alone all the time. Which I can't handle. and with stress of having to move now cause no lease renewal. I have been stressed and rather negative. Already self harmed (more than the usual). Trying to be happy again. Need serious help, but can't get into councillor again for some time, and even that isn't helping enough, on anti deps. but they don't make a difference.. 

Just need company.. and support, someone to listen to me.. I'm so sad.. I hate my life. But I WANT to be happy, I WANT to not feel the itch to self harm. I WANT to be positive.. starting from now. Can anyone help?

Re: Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

Hey Louie, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a hard time, but it's good to know how much you want things to change, because I reckon the wanting is one of the most important parts. So how about you start by trying to think of three positive things about today, and then three things that you're looking forward to in the future? They don't have to be big things, even just the tiniest things are good. Perhaps you might want to check out these threads:

http://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Everyday-life-stuff/Three-positives-of-today/td-p/300

http://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Everyday-life-stuff/What-are-you-looking-forward-to/td-p/744

 

You mentioned that your antidepressants aren't making a difference, have you talked to your doctor/psychiatrist about maybe upping your dosage or changing the meds? Also, have you tried doing something else when you feel the need to self harm? For example, if you're looking for the physical pain, try doing something like flicking a rubber band or holding ice to your skin, which'll give you the pain but without so much damage. 

 

Hope that helps, we're all here to listen and support you Smiley Happy

Re: Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

Thanks, I'm good at stopping self harm, I draw butterflies instead.. but it still builds up inside, and so I get to a tipping point and just do whatever.. at the point where I can't control nor can I stop till I feel satisfied. It's a self punishment thing.. I often feel at fault for everything.

I did the 3 list thingy's though for today the things are good but depressing.. My best friend came and got more of her things.. which is sad.. but we didn't argue and we figured out a couple things as in who gets what and I am happy with the outcome of that. Also I know we should be able to be friends again (just not live together)..

As for future. Well getting to see my boyfriend is one of them.. I miss him and need him right now more than ever. I only won't get to text or see him for the week (from last night)... so hopefully things will be better. He wanted a break because I am negative all the time and dwell on  my past all the time, instead of just enjoying the present and I think/overthink a lot

Re: Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

Hi Louie,


Sorry to hear you're having difficulty coping with your friend moving out and then your boyfriend wanting a break.

It can be really difficult to distract yourself from self harm and I know that when I'm in the moment of *whatever crisis I'm having* I can forget a lot of the coping strategies and techniques I have learned. 

I'd suggest that you print out this list:
http://mentally-ill-strong-will.tumblr.com/post/12285295821/153-things-to-do-instead-of-self-harming

 

Add to it, edit it to what you would rather do and when you're in the  moment read it.  And do something on it.  Make sure it is easily accessible.

Another really cool way of doing something similar is this:
http://www.something-fishy.org/reach/copingbank.php




Also another technique is talked about in 'The Happiness Trap', Dr Russ Harris
http://www.actmindfully.com.au/

It's called EXPANSION (and it works with more practice and acceptance if you allow it):

  1. OBSERVE
    • Bring awareness to the sensations in your body.
    • Scan yourself from head to toe
    • Notice what you're feeling and where
    • Look for feeling/sensation that bothers you most eg. lump in your throat, tightness in your chest
    • Observe with curiosity and carefully.  Where does it start?  Where does it end?  What does it look like?  What does it feel like?  Is it pulsating?  Is it heavy or light?  Is it messy, or contained?  Is it warm or cool?
  2. BREATHE
    • Breathe into and arround the sensation, a few slow deep breaths to start (fully empty your lungs before breathing in)
    • Make space for it the sensation/feeling.  Let it be and give it room to move.
    • Doing this won't get rid of what you're feeling, but it should make you feel calmer and slowly release the tension in your body.
  3. ALLOW
    • Allow the sensation to be there even though you don't like it or want it.
    • If your mind starts commenting on it say, 'Thanks mind'.  And that is all...redirect your attention to making space etc.
    • If you keep getting distracted by thoughts and feelings just keep going back to observing your bodily sensations.
    • Keep doing this until you're no longer struggling with your feelings.


      Take note that this isn't about getting rid of your feelings or changing them.  It's about accepting them, learning to be okay with them and letting them be.  Not struggling with them, or trying to get rid of them.


      Hope that was helpful!

Re: Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

Hey Louie 

 

It is terrible that you are going through this alone and that you are self harming more than usual, that is really sad to hear. Sagira and Graphiqual have provided you with so much information to help you and I just wanted to let you know that we are hear for you and we all support you and want the best for you. 

 

You say your friend has left, well friends love u through thick and thin and if she has left and said she cant stand you then she really wasnt a friend to begin with because a true friend will be there even if you sometimes get on their nerves. Maybe take this time alone to enjoy your company, get to know yourself and do things that make you happy. Play some loud music and dance all over the house and watch what you want and eat what you want. There are some positives to being alone you just need to find what works for you Smiley Happy 

 

I believe you can do this and get yourself out of this negativity Smiley Happy Is there anything you love to do alone?

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Feel down. Lost my best friend, boyfriend wanted a break. All alone in a house.

Hi Louie, I see everyone has already offered really great advice. Like with learning any new activity, the more you practive positive thinking the better at it you will get. So hang in there and keep at it!

 

Also, if you can't get in to see your counsellor for a while, dont be shy to try a helpline like Lifeline (13 11 14). Their counsellors are available 24 hours a day so you can talk to someone straight away for support.