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Feeling a bit lost

Hi,

Thanks

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

Hello? Hoping someone will reply...

(Edit: tried to delete this reply but doesn't seem I can Smiley Embarassed)

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

Hey @NoDisplayName and welcome to ReachOut! Sorry about the late response. Sometimes due to external issues it can take a while for some messages to be read and responded to.

 

It is wonderful that you have a passion in life, game design does sound like a lot of fun. Do you go to or do any social activities with other people? Say a sport or martial art or class of some sort? Some people who do these kinds of social activities are out going people or at least, if they're not, find it easier to speak to people doing the same as them. Which means that they would talk to you and open up to have a nice conversation. It can be really lovely to have people who come to you looking for some companionship and friendly conversations while not having a desperate need for friendship. Being shy isn't always fun, I speak from experience, but I find that saying hello to someone, opening up the conversation will give whomever you've spoken to the invitation to continue the conversation. It isn't always necessary but sometimes a little affection and friendliness can go a long way into making a day better. 

It's so good that you've worked out a peaceful way of approaching rude people, especially abusive customers. It is a great quality to be able to peacefully find a solution to arguments or other such issues. 

With your relationship, do you know if and when you would end it? Are there other places you could live if not with her? Also, do you know if she is going through a rough time that would cause her to lash out? Even if it isn't you who is causing the pain, as someone who she is in contact with you could be a target for the suppressed emotions and feelings. This thread here is Turning Negatives into Positives. It allows you to go over the negatives that you face and then find the positives. This factsheet here is on conflict in relationships and might give you a few ideas with your relationships with your girlfriend.

 

I hope that some of this has helped you in some way and I apologise if anything I've said has offended you.

N1ghtW1ng

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

Hi @NoDisplayName 

Feeling lonely and isolated is tough to deal with and can put a real downer on enjoying life. Do you have any old friends you can re-connect with and make plans to hang out? It might be a good mood booster to get out and have some company. It's hard finding a real connection with people, especially as you get a bit older and have a better idea of your own interests and personality. Not everyone is going to be a lifelong friend, some will just be acquaintances and that's ok too! If you're looking to meet more people you could try volunteering or joining a local activity group. There are more ideas here.

 

Sorry to hear your relationship isn't travelling so well. Being terrified of your partner and getting daily verbal abuse is definitely a big red flag, so it might be for the best that you're considering getting out of the situation. Once you're out of that negative atmosphere, things might feel a little more positive for you.

 

If you ever need to talk to someone, you can always speak to a counsellor of Lifeline on 13 11 14. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - even when all us Reach Out peeps are snoozing away!

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

Hey @NoDisplayName 

 

Welcome to ReachOut.com. The forums aren't monitored 24/7 but we do our best to answer new posts as soon as we can. @N1ghtW1ng has given some fantastic suggestions, especially with finding out about social activities. Finding out what you're interested in and participating with group activities or sports allows you to meet like-minded people. It is awesome that your passion is game design! You could find an art school and creative industries institutions that offers night or weekend classes. There's also the challenges involved in community volunteering too; whether this could be teaching others the basics of game design or doing some pro bono work for a not-for-profit organisation. 

 

I can definitely empathise with feeling shy - it can sometimes be a bit daunting to start the first conversation with a stranger. I believe that having a friendly attitude and a willingness to collaborate or team up with people does wondrous things to connect with them. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's ok to take some time out every once in a while, rather than forcing to get to know everyone. 

 

With your girlfriend, is there a way that you could take a break from each other? It's good to practice some self-care - you could try these ways to relax. You may also find this info sheet on managing pressures with your girlfriend useful too. 

 

 

Hope this helps and let us know how you go

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: Feeling a bit lost

hey @NoDisplayName 

 

I'm always looking for new posts to read so sorry that I must have missed this yesterday.

 

I completely understand this post. I feel like a large part of life is all about connecting with people. I could have everything in the world and still feel like I had nothing unless I had someone in my life who really, deeply meant something to me and just understood me. I've never wanted "lots" of friends in real life. I've been content just have one or two important people there to talk to and share my time with. People that have really loved me, and I have loved them, but not necessarily in a "relationship" way.

 

These days I don't even really have a lot of people I talk to in real life. A lot of my interaction is at work with customers just like you said. It's never really meaningful so sometimes it can feel a bit lonely. About a month ago I really just needed to connect with someone and found myself putting a lot of effort into getting to know someone online. That really helped me and made me feel better. It was just nice getting to know someone. Although, it can be difficult to find that right person to talk to sometimes. There are so many people who are quite difficult to connect with.

 

Have you tried social networking sites like tumblr? I think that's a really good way to connect with people because you can speak to pretty much anyone. You can find people with similar interests to you - like game design - and just start up conversations over private message. I know a lot of people who have also met others over game sites like World of Warcraft. I don't know much about that but you probably do as someone who is into game design.

 

I think it's good you have noticed the way your girlfriend is acting is not really logical or good for you. Maybe you could take some time apart? That might be a good step before breaking up completely.  I know it's hard when you live together but it sounds like you could use a bit of a break from the insults and arguments to just take time out and relax.

 

Looking forward to seeing you post more on here.

 

lanejane

 

Note for all readers: When using any social networking sites make sure you keep your private information like name and location safe. Keep it simple and block any unwanted users who may be bothering you. You must be over 13 years old to access tumblr.

 
lanejane
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Re: Feeling a bit lost

You're replies are deserve a thank you and you're all awesome! Finished a shift that went until midnight, so my reply was late aswell, but was able to read it all in my breaks. Thanks again, the support and kindness is very appreciated.

@N1ghtW1ng
 I am not currently involved with any specidfic group or activity. I am not very much into sport, but I would certainly get involved in playing basketball or baseball. I should look at joining the gym to play at my local uni. Used to do a bit of martial arts as a kid. I have a good friend who I used to chef with, he is almost completely blind and he is one of the most professionally skilled of his fighting style. He is a trainer and would be glad to do some sessions with me. I would also like to go back to university to complete my game design degree, as I was temporarily staying at my Dad's place to study but had to defer.

I do have some options to get out and reconnect. But it's just been so far off the horizon for quite awhile. It's just been work and sleep. Also, as much as I have had the chance to, recently have met few talented people to work on an independant project. That has also been put on hold for the moment until I get a pay where 80% of it isnt gone in the first day. I got all these things available to me, but from day to day it's just like being chained to my mundane responsibilities, putting alot of energy into just going through the motions until the the whole environment changes. The relationship, the 50 hours a week of work, the debts, the dead end rural town I've ended up in. The energy goes to breaking free from one major issue at a time. With ending my relationship though, that's a difficult one. It will need to happen, but not sure how yet.

I do love her, but the relationship is flawed. First it will be hard because right now, she is the person I am the closest to than anyone. It's a bit much to think about. In response to her going through rough times and maybe lashing out, I think that could be the case. That is so complicated to talk about right now though. And also, you haven't said anything offensive Smiley Happy.

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

@ElleBelle You're absolutely right. Your first sentence explains it quite well. These replies have made me look at these things and realise, I am not exactly alone, there are some people in particular in my life that are are amazing. I have just forgotten that it's all there, cause of the distance to travel, financial burdens, and generally being pulled down in the negative environment I'm in here. I like what you said about lifelong friends and acquaintances. I love having a few great friends, and don't mind not being so close to others. I just really need to get back in with seeing these ones more somehow. Getting out of this relationship will most definately break me free of the negative atmosphere and the situation that just seems to be like "this is my life now, but it's boring, pointless, and sad". You have all made me realise that's not exactly the case. Ofcourse, it will be very hard to say goodbye to her and there's going to be that difficult time of missing the good things and the things that made us fall in love.

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

@Myvo I love the idea of teaching the skills to others and only hope I will do that more and more in time. I have written tutorials for many things in ways that will cover every slightest bit of info needed. I hate tutorials that find you filling in the gaps. But, I haven't necessarily taught anyone the skills. Maybe after I have my own independent development group going alot stronger. A willingness to collaborate is a great key to connecting. Some of the best friendships come from sharing creativity. Thank you very much for the link to ways to relax. I get quite tense and insomniatic at times, I need that ability to time out and chill.

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Re: Feeling a bit lost

@lanejane  Thank you for reading Smiley Happy. Being happy, having meaningful purposes, to love and be loved. These are things that make life good. If I were limited to knowing only one person in life, it would be enough when that person is that close. A friend who feels more than a brother. I have had exactly that type of person in my past. I loved him, in a way that was almost overwhelming, because I felt immense love for him more than maybe anyone I've known and it was in a completely non sexual way.

We were like brothers. I would make him smile just by being there. He come to my place after work and we stayed up all night listening to music, playing instruments, inventing comedy, going on psychadelic adventures. There was a falling out, and I cannot explain what he sees as what happened. I felt the worst you can imagine for years. There had been a huge misunderstanding due to a particular incident a mutual friend had caused. The blame was cast on me and the only form of explanation I had was sending letters which fell on deaf ears.

I have thought about trying some online social networking. But, just not sure which exactly suits what I'm looking for. Obviously not facebook, haha. Don't know anything about tumblr, but should have a look, and I thought Tinder seems a little strange. I don't know. The older MMORPGs before World of Warcraft were better in that sense. You would have players from different places in the world sometimes perform a marriage in game for their characters, and turns out they marry in real life a few years later. Most MMOs arent quite self directed anymore. Almost every action in the game has a system for it or is automated, in the old days if you wanted sell an item you had to run around shouting about it through the zone over everyone else. The community itself would create trading places which natural formed their own rules and systems, and therefore you had to communicate to do anything. But I would love for that environment to re-emerge itself in an online game somewhere. Hopefully I will see it again. Thank you all so much, I am already feeling much more positive. Nothing is changed yet, but hopefully it will.