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Feeling down...

Hey everybody!

 

Ive been feeling pretty shit these last few months, since seperating with my girlfriend. Work has always been miserable for me but now I guess i just feel alone now more than ever. I dont really have many friends at my work & majority of my peers are just horrible people. I know people care about me like my parents and siblings. But most days im upset & feeling sad. Getting suicide ideation as well. Like ive seen Psychologists and Chaplains but i dont want to impact my work by telling them i feel this way. I called Lifeline on the recommendation of a friend but i found it rather useless. I feel pretty hopeless & am kinda wondering how long i am going to be able to last. I do worry a lot & I know i should probably seek more help but i just dont see the point or the value that they can offer.

 

My thoughts come in waves,

like il be happy playing xbox or singing. Taking positive steps like running too.

I just hop into bed most nights feel alone wondering why i feel this way. Im just tired of being so upset and miserable.

 

i have noticed my dreams have been becoming really vivid and weird as of recently. Plus a loss of appetite too.

 

This isnt me. I havent had any prior mental issues or anything prior to this year. Have loved life etc etc till now i guess.

 

I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me, thats just how I feel.

 

Cheers

 

Re: Feeling down...

Hey @Macca2610, thanks for joining ReachOut and sharing your story here. Sorry to hear that the separation has exacerbated the loneliness you have felt. This is so understandable as break-ups are difficult to experience. It is great that you have reached out to chaplains and psychologists. The information you share with them is expected to be confidential from your employer. You could raise your concerns about confidentiality with these services to learn more about how your information is shared. It is also awesome to hear that there are times where you do feel happy and go for runs. It is important to try to encourage yourself to do activities that make you feel good although you may not feel motivated at first. You mentioned that you didn't find Lifeline helpful, what was not helpful about it? Your friend sounds supportive in recommending Lifeline, is your friend aware of how you are feeling? Heart Also, are you feeling safe right now?

 

Re: Feeling down...

@Taylor-RO Yeah, like i suppose they (lifeline) just listens to what you have to say. But i just didnt get any sense of relief from it, compared to like telling someone in person anyway. 

 

In regards to my mate, i told her how ive been feeling yeah & suggested i seek help.

 

Ive never really been in this situation before. It just makes me feel pretty broken. My ex was Only person who made me feel valued (as stupid as that sounds) when i was going through a tough time.

Re: Feeling down...

Everyone responds differently and I think it is perfectly fine for you to feel more connection in a face-to-face environment. Sometimes being heard and listened to is what we are searching for and we may need to find the right person before this happens. If you are willing to give it another go - we have services like eheadspace and Suicide Call Back Service which have trained counsellors available (also a little different from Lifeline's approach). That being said, you are also weary of seeking your preferred support due to your work finding out. Give you need extra support at the moment, is there a chance of you speaking to another chaplain/psychologist or having the conversation about confidentiality? Smiley Happy

 

Breakups really do suck - sometimes sitting with the pain is the most helpful thing we can do in the moment. I think the people around us add value to our lives and so it is only natural to lose some of this when they leave our life. It is important for our value to not come solely from them and it is hard to realise the truth of this until they have left our lives. Is there anything you think that might begin to build that value back up in your life?

Re: Feeling down...

@Taylor-RO

I have no clue to be honest, just kinda taking it day by day at the moment. My head is all over the place.

 

I understand what you’re saying in regards to being valued, but i wasn’t like this before I met my ex. It was just everything kinda went down hill & she was there for me and made things not so bad if you will so having her gone is kinda fucking me up.

Re: Feeling down...

@Taylor-RO

i was seeing a psychologist during work hours which made things difficult because id have to leave for an hour or two every fortnight. I was sick of people asking where i was or what i was doing. 

 

I just didnt want the hassle of it. Tried seeking after hours help. Seen the bloke once, i like him. I have an appointment in like 2 weeks or soo but my last appointment was 6 weeks ago... like i need something more frequent than this.

Re: Feeling down...

Taking it day by day is not such a bad thing, sometimes it is all we can manage and that is okay. From what you have said, I can tell that your ex was supportive and there for you when you really needed someone. It is hard to lose that type of person in your life. What do you think is going to be most helpful for you going forward? Even if it is an enjoyable activity or a distraction, just for tonight or tomorrow.

It is difficult when you are having to leave during work to attend appointments. That is a long period between appointments and I don't blame you for wanting something closer together. Is this a possibility? Sometimes there are waiting lists that you can be placed on in case a spot is made available. Some people use the services I mentioned + Lifeline in between their appointments. Are you thinking of harming yourself or ending your life tonight?
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Re: Feeling down...

you are not alone at all. everybody at one point feels alone. i know i do, but w are not at all. i know i have friends but i feel lonely all the time. many hings can hit you in life at once but it is up to you how you deal with it. you get up and move on. because in the end you will be alright.

Re: Feeling down...

@Taylor-RO @cemetarygirl332 thanks for the support.

 

I ended up getting super drunk and going out to town. Just felt like if i stayed home, would’ve been a miserable night like always. Kinda feels like escapism but it seems to work.