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Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

Hi everyone

im knew to this and guess I just wanted a place to talk. I’ve had some pretty serious relationship issues and what’s happened seems so bad but he will never understand that I didn’t cheat and I want only him. It’s a long story but te guilt from

how I have made him feel is killing me and honestly I’ve thought about suicide more than I ever have and I’m so scared right now. Just any help would be appreciated I feel so alone and he has recently tried to kill himself and I witnessed and saved him soo have pretty serious ptsd issues too xx thanks in advance

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

hi @Katementalhealth123, welcome to ReachOut! It sounds like youre going through a really rough time at the moment, and I'm sorry to hear that your relationship is in a bit of a rough spot. What's always the most important thing is taking care of your immediate safety, so I'm just going to drop some info below about some services that you can use. I'd really reccommend keeping these on your phone as a back up plan incase you have an urge to hurt yourself and need some immediate support

Lifeline - 13 11 14 (available 24/7) - they also have an online chat service for night hours
Kids helpline - 1800 55 1800 (24/7)
Suicide callback service - 1300 659 467 (they also have a really nifty 24/7 chat service)

With that in mind, it sounds like your relationship is in a bit of a rough spot at the moment and both of you seem to be experiencing your own struggles with mental health. May I ask if you're getting any support at the moment to deal with this? I'd also just like to say that it's really important that you consider your own mental health to be a priority - while its a really common instinct to want to take care of other people first, it's really important that you put your own mental health first. Let me know how everything goes Smiley Happy

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

Hey @Katementalhealth123, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing your story. This sounds like a really difficult place to be in right now and I am sorry things are so hard for you. It would have been so distressing and unimaginable to be a witness to that. I just had to edit your post to keep in line with our guidelines here. I am glad to hear that you can't kill yourself as your safety is always a priority although I acknowledge what you are going through Heart

 

I was wondering if you are able to keep safe tonight?

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

Hi Taylor, 

yes I am I am speaking to my sister and trying to look for help. Thank you so much for your response it means so much to me at this time ❤️ I’m hoping it’s just a rough patch , Ive just really hurt the person I love the most to the point he felt like he wanted to talk his life and I am really struggling with what I saw and potnentially if it happens again because he thinks I cheated and have let him down. I’m honestly just really scared and thank you for your time 

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

Hey @Katementalhealth123 that is good to hear that you are looking for help, I hope it is a rough patch as well. The resources @basketofmonkeys suggested can be a really good place to start, especially tonight while you are feeling so low. Is this doable for you tonight? It could also be worth encouraging your partner to seek some extra support as well to help him through this difficult time. It is difficult when the ones we love get hurt, especially by ourselves.

Is there anything you've learnt that would help you calm down right now? Please take care of yourself and know that we are here to listen.

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

Thankyou. 

No I haven’t recently but I do need too because it’s getting harder. I’ve had depression for a while but it’s just spiraled of control ad I’m scared of how I’m feeling. I wish that my boyfriend would helieve what I say but I’ve lied in the past so I think our relationship will end. Just talking really helps I’m just very scared because I haven’t felt this guilty , or hated myself so much before and I can’t self harm (cos I had blood) or kill myself but I’m really struggling to deal with this pain I don’t know what to do

Re: Feeling like I want to die but can’t kill myself TW

It is really hard to deal with this on your own, plus you don't have to. You are never alone and there is help out there. It can be overwhelming to be going through so much but not knowing how to cope. We are always here to listen and I will let you know that we can't provide 1-on-1 support but peer support instead. Right now, it sounds like you might need something more than this, so I urge you to use some of the resources listed by @basketofmonkeys. They can help you figure out some positive ways of coping with how you are feeling instead of ways that might harm yourself. They can also have a chat about guilt and relationships which might release some energy that seems to have built up inside you Heart

 

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