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Feeling like crap

Today i went to the movies with my family.

its a movie i had been looking forward to for a long time, and i have been 

very stressed out lately so it was a chance to unwind.

i was enjoying it in the beggining, it was a really good movie.

But then this guy kept bothering me through out the movie, an old man. 

kept telling me to be quiet and even kinda yelling at me in the theatre.

I wasnt even making any noise. Well that made me feel like utter crap.

I shouldnt have bothered going out today...sometimes i just hate people... i felt so angry.

I could have caused a major scene in the movies like punched someone. 

i didnt though...i counted to ten clenchd my fists and shut my mouth. 

I told my parent about it later on...but instead of being supportive they too made me feel like a piece 

Sh%t and called me coward and other names...

I just cant seem to get anything right...

It made me very upset...

So yea...i wanted to ask your advice i dont actually have very good social skills..

so i dont really get "normal" things...how would you have dealt with the situation?

Why are people so cruel? I already have crippling social anxiety...now i know why i never bother going out....

Re: Feeling like crap

Hey @BluezCluez,

Before I say anything else, I want to let you know how awesome it is you went out. Living with social anxiety is hard, and going out can be really difficult. Even though it took a negative turn, you should still be super proud that you went out.
It sucks that the old man was so rude to you, sometimes people can be so horrible, it's not right and it's okay to get mad. You handled yourself really well in that situation, you should be proud of that too. Smiley Happy It is really hard to not act on your anger and remaining in control is a good thing, even though the guy might've deserved it. Your parents are wrong in calling you a coward, it takes more strength to resist than to act.

I don't know why people act the way they do, but not everyone is horrible. There are good people out there, and those people make it all worthwhile, as hard as they might be to find, they are there.
I can't say for sure how I would've reacted in that situation. I do know that you did really well in how you reacted.

How are you feeling today? Have things improved at all?
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: Feeling like crap

Hey @BluezCluez,

 

Thanks for posting on the forums, and I'm really sorry to hear that your trip to the movies didn't seem to go as planned.

 

If you were being quiet there is no reason why someone should have told you to 'be quiet', I know how shocking that could have been to you - especially when you weren't doing anything wrong. Although it was a difficult situation, I would suggest you dealt with it appropriately. You used some coping strategies like counting to 10 to help maintain your cool. At the end of the day, you were the bigger person and you should be proud of yourself for handling it in such a mature manner. If, for example this had escalated to him being abusive to you, the staff members are there to help you out.

 

You've mentioned that your parent called you a coward. This saddens me, what would they have done? Do you think you could talk to them about how that made you feel?

 

You've also mentioned you're struggling with being pretty stressed out lately. Do you think there's something that's causing or contributing to this?

 

Also, I hope we can work on some strategies to help youbetter deal with your symptoms of anxiety. 

 

Here to help,

 

Lahna

Re: Feeling like crap

I'm feeling a lot better...i think my parent meant well..they want me to be strong enough to stand on my own too feet and stand up for myself when something happens...they're not very good at being sensitive or caring. Sometimes yea..when they casually make remarks like that it really hurts..but what can i do? ..most of the time though when we come across this and i say that it made me felt like crepe when they said that they don't care...and find any way they can to justify their actions so they don't seem like "THE BAD GUY. I think in the end its not really a matter of trying to help me they..just want to be right...

Re: Feeling like crap

i don't like losing my temper..just because I'm mad doesn't mean i should resort to violence.. about my parents.. they want me to stand up for myself so people don't walk all over me..they're always saying snide little remarks that really hurt and when i confront them about it they try to justify their actions instead of apologising...so yeah half the time i think its not about teaching me a lesson but just for the sake of being right and angry. even though i have a huge social anxiety I'm going to university at the moment which is making me stressed but.. i don't want something like social anxiety to stop me from doing the things i want to..like get a degree, go to the movies. etc. when i get mad i separate myself mentally and cool myself down.. i don't like getting angry and i hate violence even more.

Re: Feeling like crap

Hey @BluezCluez glad you're feeling better today. What happened with you at a movies was rough and unfair. It's a horrible feeling to be told off especially when you are not even bothering anyone. Some people can be unreasonable because they have their own issues and it has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry you were targeted though. 

 

I am concerned about the hurt you feel when your parents try to encourage you to do things their way or tell you that you haven't done the right thing. You have every right to face any situation the way you feel comfortable with. Do you think you could gently let your parents know that their choice of words causes you hurt? If you make the conversation about how you feel versus telling them they are wrong, it might have a positive impact. This type of conversation might take some time and practise. 

 

You are absolutely right that social anxiety should not prevent you from doing things you want to do. You'll set and reach your goals in a manner and at a pace that is right for you. I think it's admirable that you don't want to get involved in violence. That being said, anger is a valid emotion and it lets us know when our boundaries have been violated. The reason why anger can feel so threatening is because we may not know how to convey what we are feeling in a constructive way and we think we might just 'lose it'. This again takes skill, time and patience. It's always a good idea to not act in the heat of the moment. When we calm ourselves down, we have the choice to accept what made us angry in the first place and take non-violent action about it to prevent it from happening again later.

Re: Feeling like crap

Hi @BluezCluez

 

Just building on from what everyone else has been saying, the incident that happened at the movie must have been quite confronting for you. I just want to start off by saying, this would have been a difficult/awkward situation for many people. To say something back to the man who was yelling at you would have been a very difficult thing to do in a quiet cinema, and its not uncommon to not want to draw attention to yourself during a conflict in a public place. Would you have liked to respond differently?

 

Also, you mentioned that your parents aren't sure about how to be sensitive and caring towards you. What's it like trying to communicate to them how you would like them to support you?

Re: Feeling like crap

i don't think i would have liked to respond differently, i think it would have been out of pure anger and i would have caused an unnecessary scene. With my parent and communicating.... its not good, its pretty bad actually sometimes...a lot of times. We don't get each other and they're a little emotionally confined. I would like my parents to acknowledge me as an adult instead of patronising me and talking down to me. I want them to understand i appreciate the lessons they're are trying to teach me but ultimately there needs to be things i should handle by myself. My parent can be a bit harsh. Emotionally they are very hard, we rarely even talk to each other about emotional things...though they mean well, when it comes to emotions.. i would never trust them with any of my feelings...they would be the last person on earth i would turn to... we are close...but i don't trust them in that way.

Re: Feeling like crap

I have tried to let them know gently how much pain they cause me sometimes...but they get defensive as if I'm accusing them..they're always like that. We can't really discuss things calm i have tried. Don't get me wrong i love my parents and I would do anything for them. but...they aren't good with these types of things... so we just get into fights whenever we talk about it...its been that way since i was six. I have tried to talk to them for a long time..i think i maybe am making progress but its very difficult and they seem to be fighting me a lot. We have both been through situations where me and my parents have had to numb ourselves and shut our emotions down..so now its kind of hard to touch that subject. They mean well ...but sometimes it makes me feel very alone.
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Re: Feeling like crap

It sounds like they really like to go for a tough love approach, where they'd like to see you throw back whatever the world throws at you? 

 

But that in itself sounds like an insurmountable task, and one that would leave anyone completely exhausted.

 

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Sometimes we just need that support from others, and especially to feel validated in what we are actually feeling- someone who will simply listen. I'm glad to hear that there's been some progress with your parents, and I would encourage you to continue trying. In the meantime, and anytime you just need to get something off your chest we're always here to listen Smiley Happy