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Feeling lost and confused

 Hi everyone, this is the first time I've been on this forum, but I don't know where else to turn. Some background on me, I'm 18, just started University and I feel like I'm confused and lost. I went to uni because at my school that was what was heavily encouraged, what everyone did, and I didn't feel as though I had any other option. I hate my course, hate the uni, hate everything about it. I have no idea what I want to do career wise, I feel like I just want to drop out and reapply for another course, at another uni, where I can commute from home, as I don't enjoy living in halls or the 'university experience' at all. I feel so depressed and alone at the moment. But the worst part is, all my close friends from home are at uni, and I feel if I move back home, I'll have barely any friends, there's a couple, and my boyfriend, which I'll get onto in a second. But I genuinly feel as though, in my gut, for various reasons, that I'm not suited to uni life or this course, and I'd be better off at home. But everyone is expecting me to get a degree, and a good one at that, if I drop out I feel like I'll dissapoint so many people and look like a failure. 


As I said about my boyfriend, this is another issue I face. I don't want to return home and break up with him and end up even more alone. Recently, since I have gone to uni, he has found it hard and been distant and cold, and the worst part is, he doesn't realise and can't see that he's doing it. I honestly don't know if it would last because I'm not happy with him at the moment, but things may change when I move back I don't know. But I feel like I am so young that I could be settling for him not treating me ho I deserve without even realising. But the thought of being at home with few friends around me and having to move on makes me so anxious and stressed. But the thought of staying here, in a place that I'm already unhappy, and on top of that having to move on from him, where I'm surrounded by people who barely know me and I have no close friends or family to support me is even worse. I don't know what to do. To clarify, I am not unhappy because I'm a bit long distance with my boyfriend at the moment - even with him out of the picture I would still hate it here. I feel so lost and confused. I feel like I have to make major decisions now that I am so unsure about, and I may make the wrong one (I think I already have by coming here) I don't know where to turn, or what to do, I just feel so lost. 


Re: Feeling lost and confused

Hey @sorg61013

Welcome to ReachOut!

I am sorry to hear that there's so much going on right now that's pretty tough to deal with Smiley Sad


Hopefully we can help a bit by talking some of these things out with you here on the forums. 


I would also suggest that you have a chat to a counsellor at uni as well. Is that something you're interested in doing? I think we can help you think through these problems, and we can also help you find ways to deal with the stress and build heaps awesome coping skills. A counsellor can go a bit deeper, and also support you to explore options specific to your uni. It's cool to walk away from this if that's what you've gotta do, but even then it's so much better with someone who can be there for you through that process. And hey, maybe they can help you identify some other options that you never even knew existed!


Finally have a read of this article. Is there anything in there that might help you explore your relationship with your boyfriend a bit more? 


I am conscious that I'm posting a lot all at once here. So i will leave it at that for now. But let us know if you're interested in exploring some of these options? And let us know how we can help you do that!






Re: Feeling lost and confused

Hey @sorg61013, just wanted to say that I totally understand how daunting and stressful the first year of uni can be really. Living away from home on/near campus can be really hard and isolating too and can also amplify the stress. Dropping out/changing courses is a pretty big decision, so try to take as much time as you need to decide and not rush yourself.


Re: Feeling lost and confused

hi @sorg61013


As a fellow university student, with lots of friends who have been through similar things to you, ill try share some advice.


Gap Year

The university's Vice Chancellors wife actually said to my mum- Many students need a gap year. This makes sense, because after experiencing one of the most stressful years of our life (year 12) sometimes we are not ready to go back into fulltime study.


Follow your heart

In terms of course selection, I would personally suggest to follow your heart. Steve jobs said "your time is limited, so dont waste it living someone else's life". But these are big decisions, so perhaps make sure its not a phase and give it the time that it needs. Do you have an alternative course you have thought about? 


Friends and university

Im a super social person, and personally I have made almost no friends in university. Im lucky however, that im super active outside of university so for me it hasn't been a big deal. This is a similar trend for many people, lots of us expected to automatically make heaps of friends at uni, but it doesnt really happen like that. Everyones on their own schedule and you dont really see them out of class. The people that have friends at uni, are the ones that got involved in the camps and activiteis and groups in first year, and friendship groups blossomed from there- and developed throughout their whole university life (Im a little jelous of some- but at the time, I had a I really did hold myself back from getting out there).



I think its important to have a number of hobbies and interests which keeps uni life balanced. For me one of the main ones is going to the gym. Although I dont meet up with people from gym, I always end up having little chats with the regulars that is nice- sorta like gym buddies. 

Are there some interestings that work for you?


as Ben said, I would definately talk to the counsellor and careers advisors. They are people with a wealth of experience who have talked to probably hundred of people in similar situation to you. Their knowledge might be more helpful then you would expect. Who knows, you might be able to help others in the future who find themself in a similar situation to you!


Re: Feeling lost and confused

man @sorg61013 that sounds like youre description is accurate in feeling lost, im sorry youre experiecning these tough decisions all at once.

i actually was dating someone who did a similar thing to me in the sense that he became distant and really changed in personality once he went to uni. and i felt quite unhappy and treated less than i deserved to be treated too. the thought of leaving him was daunting, however after we got in a huge argument and he threatened to end things, i decided 'you know what, i can do this, fine lets break up'. it took a week of back and forth, and then a good 3 months of challenging times where i lost some friends, but i really found myself in the process, and learnt what i am willing to compromise on in the future and now i am in a relationship with someoine who embraces who i am rather than making me change or settle for them.

 so i really understand what youre saying, and i not only understand how tough the next few months can be if you decide to leave your boyfriend, but also how bloody liberating and rewarding it will be once you have moved on and do things for you and receive what you deserve in life.


my opinion is of course full of bias as i have had a positive experience after breaking up with a past partner, however i know that you definitely have RO as a suppoort group if things got tough provided if you decide to end your relationship.

i can hear youre unhappiness, so i really hope that things improve or that you discover the right option for you!

we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: Feeling lost and confused

I think life is full of these kind of decisions. To stay or go home. To stay with him or break up? In my opinion there are no right or wrong answers. There is just the path you end up choosing. Do what you think is right after chatting to uni counsellor, friends at home, family and ppl on RO. Make an informed decision and stick to it. You will feel good about it in the end cus you've done all you can leading up to the decision. Cus asking advice from ppl can often change your mind or open up different options.


My best friend changed her course from OT to teaching and she couldntve been happier. My other good friend is now in his 3rd year and he questioned his course this entire time and is finishing off early next year. He'll take his degree and then decide later on what he wants to do... he still doesnt know what he wants to do Smiley Sad


I finished my degree and on the very first day of uni I said I dont want to be a xxxx. But I was too lazy to change and the idea didnt come to mind (fear of falling behind). I ended up liking my job... so... I dont know. Its hard I know.


Good luck.