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Re: I have to admit and assume that I made plenty of mistakes...

Hi @CEVRAM, thanks for sharing that with us. You sound quite self-aware and show wonderful insightful into what is going on for you. You mention some things that are helpful and less helpful for when you are feeling anxious, which is great! It can be difficult to know how to help ourselves sometimes and the process itself isn't always easy. I guess it can be hard to envision the path of treatment at the beginning but it is different for everyone and every situation. You are right in that two sessions is not a lot to make a judgement on but you may have a small idea of whether you get along well with this therapist. I think a lot of people experience the fear you have detailed, although all you can really do is give it your best shot Smiley Happy

Re: I have to admit and assume that I made plenty of mistakes...

Thank you for all the feedback as well, its very much appreciated. For the moment, I'm doing ok in the difficult task of keeping my elevated anxious tendecies at bay, some days better than others but overall it hasn't been too bad. As far as frienships go though, can't see anything changing in the near future since I'm not in a good position to venture myselt into anyone else's social circle. I have no confidence, no motivation and no ability to stay positive on any matter for long enough to achieve something. I could watch dozens of tutorials or articles on the topic of making friends and leaving a good impression on others and still not be able to put any of those tips and suggestions into practice. There are still events from the past nibbling at me as a reminder of how easily I'm able screw up things whenever I let my emotions take over rational thinking and just how bad I seem to be at making myself seem interesting or approachable to others, especially those who dont know me at all. When it comes to friendships, being picky isn't necessarily a bad thing as you want to make sure those who are brought into your personal side of life are real legitimate friends and trust worthy people that one can count on to keep secrets and private chats to themselves and be there when they are most needed. But of course, there needs to be common interests or traits to make the bonding at a deeper level possible. Unfortunately this is a lot harder to come by than it should be for many of us.

Re: I have to admit and assume that I made plenty of mistakes...

Hey there @CEVRAM,


Keeping motivation and staying positive can be really tricky, there's often no one method that works for everyone. It can be hard to stay positive for long enough, though making small goals and working towards them can be a helpful way of pushing through the negative feelings as smaller goals often can take less time to be achieved. What do you think?


ReachOut also has a bunch of articles on motivationconfidence and positivity, if you're interested in reading through them for ideas. 


I've also sent you an email on the email address you signed up with, please keep an eye out for it Smiley Happy


I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!

Re: Feeling very lonely and useless

I just want to say that I understand. I really do and I can feel your pain. Remember that you are brave and that one day it'll get better for you. Everyone is so busy in their own lives, that no one really stops to think about how the other feels.
Keep talking to people, your feelings and opinions are important

Re: Feeling very lonely and useless

Hello and thank you for the reply. Wish I could have done something to prevent my situation from getting this bad. I can still turn things around but its so much harder now that I've hit the bottom and worst of all, found enough confort within my own misery to take most of my ambition and willpower away in order to turn this around for fear of finding other things that can harm me in some way. I am chained to this vicious cycle of mundane routines in which I'm depriving myself from doing things I enjoy and to be fair, I'm not sure if I can even do the things I enjoy regardless of how much I want to since there are always more factors operating inside my mind other than the simple will to do something like insecurities and concerns as well as sudden mood changes. They can cause havoc and ruin any moment, even the best ones. Some of the things that I used to enjoy fail to entertain me nowadays, likely a side effect of relying and depending so much on my own self for enjoyment, it worked for a while but that has come to an end. The amount of times in which I felt like a burden and a nuisance to other people, including those who I saw as close friends has further increased my fears of rejection and being misunderstood and also gave more power to my critical side. Right now, I see myself has someone without worth, someone who has some qualities but is unable to make good use of them rendering those qualities useless. No matter how much space and freedom I'm given, I still wont find success. By failing at small goals, I can't succeed on the big ones. Thing is, time doesn't wait for anyone to make decisions and adjustments to their lives, it keeps going non stop and I'm feeling the pressure building on to turn my life around and see no path to follow towards my goals. If I dont believe in myself, no one else can make things happen for me. Problem is that I can't seem to and the thought that others tolerate me more than they like me never goes away. I daydream a lot, perhaps because it shields me from the harsh reality and is a way to ease my pain, it comes naturally as a result of an unfulfilled existence and a distaste for certain aspects of the real world. I dont like how narcissistic, entitled, materialistic, manipularing and hostile society has become, no wonder it generates so many cases of anxiety and depression all around. Its not that people are weak, its just the world around them which is way too overwhelming and hard to cope with. People can be so mean and unfair when they want to. I never touched any controversial topics in public chats but still managed to have assholes being rude to me for no reason at all, I wasn't trying to annoy anyone and did my best to be respecful and polite. Last time that happened, I end up losing my cool and insulted the one who was rude to me and the whole community I was in. Honestly so many immature, passive aggressive, narcissistic, self centered, materialistic and "know it all" people really got on my nerves and I lost most of my respect and consideration for that community which labels itself as being very friendly and accepting even though its full of drama and manipulation. It definitely has some great people there but so much exposure to the bad side of it has left me drained so I gave it up. Never felt like I truly belonged there anyway but still had some great moments though. Every online friend I had was found in that community. Most of them weren't real friends anyway. Many of these people would discard you for someone they saw as more interesting and who could provide them with more immediate gratification. Your loyalty, respect, care and politeness would mean nothing to them under those circunstances.

Re: Feeling very lonely and useless

Hey @CEVRAM, I want to start off by reiterating that your self-awareness is remarkable!


I'm hearing that those negative feelings are a lot for you to deal with at the moment, am I right?

You mention some of your qualities  can you tell me more about those? Maybe we can brainstorm some ways you can make use of them?


Looking forward to hearing from you! Smiley Happy   

// Spiral outward, keep going. //