Re: Fight Club No.2
Hey @Dark Energy
Sorry to hear that you've been feeling down lately and that whoever you confided in wasn't helpful at all I've just had to edit your post in accordance to our community guidelines, as graphic details are not permitted. Altering 'bad chemicals and hormones' isn't good path to take. But by coming on here and updating us, it goes to show that you're making another path to improve your wellbeing.
Is there anyone else that you have spoken to about how you've been feeling? Lifeline could offer support via phone and webchat.
Stay strong and let us know how you go.
Re: Fight Club No.2
I find your views interesting and very similar to the past me. I agree with what @Sophie-RO said and I have to disagree with what your current views on reality. Reality is what you are seeing, what you are feeling, reality is both good and bad, it is also random, but it encompasses everything and it changes as you experience more and more of life.
This world is sometimes cruel, kind, and even mischef, but it is real. These emotions we feel here make us feel alive. If you can feel these things then you are not broken, just a bit lost. The world is not tailored to suit us, but it also does not mean that we have to change completely to fit in. But you have to stand up and fight and create your own little world, your home to belong.
Your measuring apparatus is not broken, might just need to be recalibrated. But if you bend what you are seeing to suit your own perspective, then you are only tunnel visioning to part of the truth. It is true we sometimes only see part of the what is happening so we can feel happiness, and yes it is biased, but why, you asked? If you are asking such a blunt question then I have to answer quite bluntly too. It is because we want to live.
The happy thoughts give us hope that the next day will be better. We keep on fighting each day sometimes for ourselves, other times for someone or something we love. The very first step you take each day when you get out of bed is a victory in itself. It is the siren that signalled the victory of the first battle of that day.
The hobbies that you mentioned are not simply distractions, it is also a way we can connect with each other, find similar minds to share our emotions. Sometimes even a yell in the shower is a sign that you are fighting. The fact that you went on this site, typed your thought meant you have hopes and a willingness to fight. Talk to your dad, if you do not know what to say, then ask him this: "Where do I start?" IF you yourself cannot find a goal, then let someone who knows you well to give you a push towards a general direction.
The reason we keep on fighting is that we are either fighting for a reason or fighting to find a reason. Do not give up. Never give up. I can tell from the way you expressed your feelings, you are very intelligent and thoughtful and I believe that you can find a goal and able to achieve it.
Re: Fight Club No.2
@lovin each day Hey, great work on that post. That is really supportive and it is great to see those words of encouragement. Keep up the good listening!
@Dark Energy I am glad to hear you tried some of the suggested coping methods and I am really sorry to hear that speaking to someone turned in to a negative experience for you. Please don't let this colour your impression of how beneficial talking about your feelings can be. Sometimes other people may not be prepared to listen because they're focused on their own circumstances. Don't give up and don't feel you have to keep everything to yourself.
There are always other options before turning to altering anything chemically. Do you have a GP you can speak to about how you're feeling? While you don't have a regular counsellor please get together with friends, colleagues or extended family, even if you don't feel like it. Doing something that has brought you even a small amount of pleasure before will help and please remember to eat well. Staying healthy and keeping your body rested will be really beneficial.
Here's an article on coping with these thoughts that you may find helpful. It has some US helplines as well as some other international services.
You've bravely spoken out here so please keep talking to us and take care of yourself.
Re: Fight Club No.2
Hey guys thank you for all your support.Situation is somewhat better, i eat regularly again, but the social anxiety never eases up.Okay, so far it's been all phylosophical but heres the situation deatailed about my life.I realized i need help and urgent from pschilogist or physciatrist and i'm gonna make that step, then find a job.My source of the depression is the house i'm living in, specifically my father. He is such a bad person that even i, his son started to hate him.He was always verbally abusive and saps my mental strength within a few seconds talking to him.All these years even as a child i've never had a meaningful conbversation with him.I'm 26 and never had any jobs i was just too anxious to search for any, the fear is just unbearable, but i have to do it.I do have a bachelor's degree in physics but its really hard to find a job in my poor country.And the fact that i've had no job experience makes getting jobs even harder.Recently i've learned some stuff about web development, and still learning, hoping to find a job in that area, because it could be less stressful having to work with few people as possible, i can't see myself as a teacher.
Any people had some treatment for social anxiety, does it help?
I know that my views of reality are somewhat obscure, but how would any other being feel after living for 26 years, didnt have any job, never kissed a girl or had any "real" friends except some casual acquaintances.The only time i was really happy in my life is when i got interested into electronic music.I started to produce some tracks,taught myself about music theory, bought a guitar and played for about 3 years,i even started to put some tracks on youtube to get some feedback.But the feeling for that wore off quickly after realizing that i'm not really good at it to make a career out of it.It was a hobby that turn me into thinking hey i can be someone that i will like.But it was just a dream that died.Now sometimes i just play the guitar to ease my mind and thats it, no ambitions.I thought maybe sometimes i feel just too proud, that people beside me are worth nothing, i want to be loved but then again i dont give love to anyone.But even if thats true, its only intrinsic, i've never insulted anyone intentionally in my entire life, i'm always kind to everyone yet still i have no friends or a girlfriend.Its hard to see that all colleagues from schools and faculty made something out of their lives,they have jobs, wifes, houses.It's gotten to the point that i cant even imagine to have a house, a wife, a job.What irony, even thinking about it scares me.
Well thats enough mumbo jumbo, when i read this its like something 12 year old would write not a 26 year old who lives at his parents house.
Re: Fight Club No.2
Hey @Dark Energy, I know this is an easy thing to brush off (because I do it when people say it to me) but you're only 26. There is still so much life ahead of you to fall in love, find your passion, move out from your fathers house and all the other things that are causing you worry! A degree in physics is a huge accomplishment and you should be proud of it, very few people in the world are able to understand those concepts and you are one of them!
There is treatment available for social anxiety and it does help. It looks like you are based in Europe, so I don't have any face-to-face options to give you but I can suggest an online program called e-couch. They have modules specificlly designed to help you work through social anxiety and I've heard lots of good things from people who have used it. Give it a go and let us know what you think!
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