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Force Fed Information

Hi...Please ignore my grammar I was never any good at stuff like that and please focus on my message.

Im a boy currently 16 ..Lets just say my name is Blue for now

I have an older brother whose 22 I love him more than anything..but I have an Issue..he keeps wanting to shove educational krap down my throat.. I love to learn, Reading, Wrighting I'm all over it...but I dont enjoy It when somone Is forcefully shoving it down my throat...

Its Like Im always under this emotional pressure..Ille never be good enough, never be smart enough, anything less than perfect is a failure.. I cant take It much longer I'm not even allowed to rest when I work hard, the constant need to obsorb information is driving me crazy..

When I refuse he says such hurtful stuff...I dont know what to do.. and dont anyone suggest talking to a councellor ok I have heard it soooo many times it practically morning routine e.g me: I had toast this morning o.o

Person 1: talk to a councellor

For god sakes just give me what you think thats all I want, your opinion not some other person's.

Cheer's It means alot..<3 

Re: Force Fed Information

Hey @Masquerade 

 

Welcome to ReachOut.com I've just had to edit the subject title for your thread in accordance to our community guidelines. I can empathise with having someone or even a few people every now and again telling me all kinds of stuff that they expect me to know. It can seen as pushy and almost controlling at times, and also hurtful when they claim that you're not smart for not knowing otherwise. Sometimes, people don't realise that there are other kinds of smart out there and that not everyone can be as skilled  or interested in a particular area as others.

 

Have you spoken to your brother about why he's doing all this?  You could also remove yourself from the situation, particularly if you think that he's badgering you - just to give yourself some time to think. This could allow some space for you to try relaxation training and self talk to ease off the pressure. You may also find this story useful as well. 

 

Hope this helps and let us know how you go. 

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Stay excellent
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Re: Force Fed Information

Hey @Masquerade ,

 

Sorry to hear things are crappy with your brother at the moment, I have two siblings so I totally get that when the relationship with someone so close to you is not going well, it can affect other parts of your life too. Its great you came onto the forums though so we can brainstorm a few ideas to try and turn things around...

 

 @Myvo  had some great tips - like removing yourself from the situation if you can and also talking to your brother about the issues you are having. These options might help you gain back a little control in situations where he is being overbearing.

 

Something else I thought could help would be to try and change things up a little so that maybe you start up a conversation with your brother about something you are interested in that you think he might get something out of... you might be able to have a positive conversation with him where the focus isnt on you feeling pressured to learn something or do something just because he is asking you. Maybe this would help you gain a bit more balance in the relationship?

 

Also I know its tough but when you are in these situations it might be helpful to try and remind yourself that you are good enough and smart enough (because you are!) and to remember that his hurtful words are not true... and are just a reaction from him because he is not getting what he wants out of the situation.

 

Let us know how you go,

 

Chelsb Smiley Happy

Re: Force Fed Information

Hi @Masquerade / Blue!

 

I can empathise a bit with your situation. Over the past few years my brother (who was never very interested in school) suddenly became interested in science and dedicates all his spare time to learning about it through books, podcasts, etc. It seems to be all he wants to talk about, and he is constantly 'educating' all the members of our family about the latest discoveries. Unfortunately for us, it's pretty boring and none of us are interested. We tolerate it though because it's his passion and we love him. What does your brother do when he's trying to 'educate' you? Is it possible he doesn't know how it's affecting you negatively and he's just sharing his passion? Either way, if you feel that kind of pressure you definitely need to find a way to get him to knock it off. Everyone learns at different rates and through different methods. There is absolutely no shame in that. Anyone who has ever studied for an exam knows you cannot force yourself to learn 24 hours a day, it's just too overwhelming. Down time is necessary for your brain to process and absorb everything it's just learned.

 

Can I just ask why you are against seeing a counsellor? Have you had a crappy experience with one in the past, or are you just generally not interested in sharing your feelings with one, or something else?

Re: Force Fed Information

Hey @Masquerade

I can definitely relate to what you are going through, for my it was more my parents who were always on my throat about high grades and working hard and when its forced down on you, you hate it even more so I get that.

I have a younger sister and she always looks up to me and compares herself to me which I always say is bad because she is her own person and needs to do what makes her happy. So I think maybe your brother is comparing himself to you which is why he is forcing it down your throat like this.

You need to find your voice, because if you dont stand up for yourself he will keep doing this. Maybe instead of refusing, explain to him why you are refusing and how you feel about what he is doing and that he is hurting you.

I think if people don't tell you how they feel, you will never change, if he doesnt respond to talking maybe write a letter and if that doesnt work get a third party like you parents or a relative you can speak to who can act as a mediator or something.

You are a strong person and you are more than good enough, you as you are and don't let anyone try and change that. Stand up for who you are and what you want and your brother will learn to respect that.

Hope that helps Smiley Happy
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**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**