Gender identity
Hiya! This is going to be a long post, so sorry in advance 😕 If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it!
So, recently I have started questioning my gender. I'm designated female at birth, and I've always been one of those girls who hates make up, nail polish, shaving, jewellery etc. But I've definitely always thought of myself as a girl - I love skirts and dresses and long hair and relate to female fictional characters. It never occurred to me that I wasn't a girl and I'd never felt unhappy in my gender.
But the last couple of years I've gotten more self conscious about the way I present. I hate wearing low cut tops, bright colours, or form fitting clothing. My favourite thing to wear is an oversized jumper that hides the shape of my body completely.
I often feel uncomfortable in public places - like I should hide. I hate it when people call me pretty. Hate it to the point of binge eating so I'll get fat, or not eating for a day because I want to disappear. Hate it to the point of thinking 'hey maybe if I mutilate my face people won't think I'm pretty anymore' (I didn't, it's okay). I put it all down to anxiety (which I also have), and/or shame because of being bisexual.
But, the other night I had a bit of a lightbulb moment where I went 'Oh maybe I'm not a girl.' And thinking more and more about being possibly genderless the more I feel comfortable with it - like it's me.
So I guess I kind of had three questions for you, now that I'Ve shared like half of my life lol, does anyone else identify as agender or genderless here? Am I too old to be just starting to question this (I'm almost 19)? And I've just started seeing a psychologist for anxiety, would this be an okay thing to bring up with them?
Thanks so much. Have an awesome day 🙂
Comments
Thanks @safari93!! I really like the way you framed it in terms of 'wellbeing.' I think that's a cool way to look at it, like 'which gender makes me feel best' rather than as 'you have to be this gender or that gender.' 🙂
@ClCl thanks for your reply and sharing your story. I will definitely take a look at the links you posted! I'm definitely going to try and bring it up with the counsellor tomorrow, but if I end up not being able to QLife looks like a very useful resource. 🙂
Thanks @ClCl! I'm a bit annoyed with myself cause I didn't end up saying anything about this...and now I don't see him for another two weeks. Oh well.
How are you feeling about things at the moment? Do you feel okay waiting until your next appointment or have you considered giving QLife a call?
Yep, an hour really isn't so long, is it? I should be okay to wait, thanks @ClCl 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing some of your story with us @DruidChild.
You most certainly are not too old. I am a few years older than you and I too have just started questioning my gender. Similarly to you I felt A.O.K with being a girl but more recently Ive recognised I dont fully identify with that anymore. I am finidng I am more comfortable being somewhere inbetween the girl/boy binary and moving between the spectrum. You might be interested in reading the thread I started and some of the awesome replies I got from our supportive community.
We have also had a few discussions with some experts on this very topic recently. One was about gender and the other coming out/inviting in. The second one might not be the spot you are at yet, but on the very last page there are some anonymous questions the guests answered which you might like to read. Plus some super useful links for gender identity!
Like the others have said, you certainly can talk to your counsellor about this. If dont feel comfortable doing so or want to talk to another person too, QLife is telephone and online chat service. The people there know all about this stuff.
If you want to talk about anything more here, we're happy to listen too 🙂
Hey there @DruidChild!! I would definitely agree with @N1ghtW1ng, it's never too late to question your gender or make efforts towards understanding who you are in terms of gender. I remember reading an article a while back about trans folx who had started questioning their gender and transitioning even, well into middle age! There really isn't a time limit on it, and in the end the people in the article all said that it had less to do with what time is 'appropriate' to start and more about doing what is best for your wellbeing
Thank you for sharing your story. You are NEVER too old to start questioning your gender.
If you want to, then you can bring this up with your psychologist. It's an okay thing to bring up. 🙂
Let us know how you go with whatever you decide 🙂
Hiya again @N1ghtW1ng 🙂 Thanks so much for replying!! It's reassuring to know someone else thinks there isn't a 'too old.' 🙂
