Getting over school

[keezeik]

So I've finished school for four years now (I'm 22), and to keep it short I had a terrible experience, where I was bullied for most of the time and excluded. I finished school, and haven't kept in contact with anyone from there since. However it really annoys me that I can't seem to get over the bullying that happened, like I'll be fine, and start to think about that person who was mean to me, or think hypothetical situations about them. 

I was wondering if anyone had any coping mechanisms of how to move past that? 

[queenP]

Hi @keezeik,

First off, I just wanted to say I am so sorry that you've had a difficult experience at high school and that it continues to haunt you, even now. Reading this post was like reading my own thoughts. I too suffered negatively in high school, and it is something that I have carried with me ever since, and I am now 21.

In terms of coping strategies, I would highly recommend seeing a professional psychologist or counsellor. I have been doing this and talking about my experiences, as these professionals are in the best position to provide specific advice on how to cope and move through the difficult emotions that accompany being a survivor of bullying.

In terms of day-to-day strategies, I do the following:

• Meditate regularly - It helps me see thoughts as thoughts, and to disconnect from the world for a while
• Journal - when I need to, I write letters addressing the people that have done me wrong to get out all of my emotions. I never send them, I just get it all out
• Don't feed into the negativity where possible - I work for a tutoring service, and sometimes certain young people set me off and remind me of my past. My instinct is to self-protect by being nasty to these people, but I have been making a concerted effort to resist this urge, as it precipitates the negative feelings and takes me further back to the past.
• Mantras - I have found these useful in situations where I feel triggered. E.g. "It's not happening anymore" or "I'm safe now" or "It's over". Just a reminder to myself that things are different now and I am no longer in that place.

In terms of being impacted by your high school experience, how does it impact you in your day to day life? I personally get quite angry and aggressive, so I have to use strategies to de-escalate things, but how does it manifest for you?

[keezeik]

It just makes me more depressed to be honest, and I guess more lonely as I have trouble with making friends have poor social skills. - I guess I could keep thinking it's 'over' and that I am now that I've finished school have more control over people who I see everyday in some senses.

[linkinpark13]

@keezeik I think that 'getting over' or moving forward after any kind of past hurt or trauma can be an incredibly frustrating journey especially when it comes to painful memories that we thought we left in the past

@queenP has shared some amazing day to day strategies journalling and writing fake letters is actually something that i do that helps me process my emotions

[Maddy-RO]

Hey @keezeik 

I'm sorry to hear that bullying from high school is still affecting you. You mention being annoyed at yourself for not being able to get over it completely. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel annoyed at yourself - dealing with bullying can be super hard, especially during the vulnerable teenage years. It's tough so don't put too much pressure on yourself to get over it, you know? Instead of getting frustrated with yourself, maybe tell yourself, "I'm still affected by X situation, but that's okay. I'm allowed to be hurt by it. The important thing is I'm getting stronger with each day!" Also, it might be helpful to let some of your emotions out with a counselor if you haven't already. Kids-helpline is a good place to start and they can be contacted on 1800 55 1800. 

It's also important to remember that many awesome, successful, and now-happy people get bullied. For example, Eminem, Jessica Alba, Jessica Lawrence and other celebrities have reported that they were bullied in high school. Therefore, you are not alone  In fact we had some everyday people share their experiences of bullying some time ago. I have shared two experiences with you here and here. No pressure to read/ watch these of course, only so do if you feel up to it

[scared01]

hey @keezeik
how are you holding up?

[keezeik]

Hi there, it's still there sometimes, but I've been so busy I guess at the moment with goals and stuff that I've kind of forgotten about it. Sometimes it still comes up, and maybe it won't ever go away.

[MisoBear]

Hi @keezeik, I think it's pretty understandable that it's taking a long time to get over this kind of deep hurt. Maybe it won't ever go away but I'm hoping (and it sounds like) that pain will fade. I went through some bullying in school and it was pretty rough. I still sometimes feel angry about it, but it's not that really deep pain and anger I felt at the time, it just comes to visit sometimes. I'm wondering if right now you would like someone just to listen to you, or whether you'd like some advice at all?

[keezeik]

@MisoBear well mainly advice but also someone to listen to - I wrote this post because I wanted advice as to how to counteract these thoughts (they often occur when my depression/anxiety is the worst) but also wanted to see if that is normal.

[TOM-RO]

@keezeik 

Really glad you brought up this topic as I feel like it’s something a lot of us can relate to. Being bullied, no matter how long ago it was can effect us deeply. Bullying is a form of abuse so sometimes it might take ongoing therapy to work through, similar to if you had experienced a typical ‘trauma’. In terms of specific strategies though try to focus on how far you have come since high school and think about how you would respond to bullying if it were to happen to you now. Would you better equipped to deal with it because of the experiences you have had with it in the past? This is definitely something that could be brought up in therapy