Getting over school

[MisoBear]

Hi @keezeik,

Good to hear from you. All good, I just like to check because sometimes it's easy just to launch into advice without actually asking if someone would like advice, or just wants to be heard. I can definitely offer some advice about how I deal with negative, recurring and intrusive thoughts if you'd like?

For a long time I felt like I was at war with my brain (still feel like that sometimes) and I would try to silence my negative thoughts with should statements ("I shouldn't think this way" "It's not normal to think like this so I should stop doing it" "Why can't I just stop thinking like this, there must be something wrong with me?"). My psychologist has taught me to just notice the thoughts I'm having...but just let them go if that makes sense. So if I have an awful thought, instead of trying to silence it and make it go away (and therefore fixate on it and make it worse) I try and just think "I'm noticing that I'm feeling anxious about my uni assignment right now". I accept that I'm having that thought and I then send it on its way without judging it to be good or bad. 

I also find that using a grounding technique works really well. I try and notice things around me that aren't my thoughts "What can I smell right now? "What can I see around me right now?" "How many noises can I hear right now, what's the most far away noise I can hear right now?". It might seem a bit silly, but paying attention to what's happening to me right now, in the moment really, really helps me to move past whatever it is I've been fixating on. You can also use your breathing to ground you, by taking notice of what your breath is doing ("Am I breathing deep or shallow right now?") each time you do a routine activity, such as walking through a door or sitting down. This allows you to stay connected to your body and the world around you, rather than getting too caught up in thoughts (although this is really natural, so don't feel bad if you do find yourself getting absorbed in your thoughts, just note it and redirect your attention back to your breathing or the world around you). 

If you'd like an app to help you start applying some of this, I'd definitely recommend Smiling Mind. It's totally okay if you don't want to try any of this, or it doesn't work for you. This is just what's been helping me for the past couple of years (and it's been a long journey but it's finally starting to click). 

[keezeik]

@TOM-RO I think that is true, I guess also remembering that those people are not in your life anymore, and if similar people ever come up like that then you know how to deal with it, but also you don't probably have to see them as much (ok maybe you do) as much as school. Or it isn't as intense?

[Bre-RO]

Hey @keezeik 

I was also bullied during my school years and I think what really helps to put it into perspective is when you realise that people who feel the need to hurt others are usually hurt inside themselves. When I come across bullies in adulthood I try to remember that if they felt 100% good about themselves they wouldn't feel the need to exclude me or put me down. When I view bullies through this lens it kind of makes me feel sorry for them, that they need to hurt others to feel secure. 

As previously mentioned though, because bullying is a form of abuse it's a good idea to talk to a counsellor about it if you haven't already  

[keezeik]

yeah I think that they're often insecure about something - or they could be just a plain bad person, but yeah I see a psychologist every fortnight so it's on my to do list.

[letitgo]

Hey @keezeik glad to hear that you're seeing a psych regularly. I see one every fortnight too and it's been really helpful with addressing negative, self-defeating thoughts

I just wanted to check in - how are you going to take care of yourself this weekend?

Sounds like a bit of relaxation might be helpful atm

[keezeik]

I went for a hike