Well to be honest...life has never really been that easy for me..
when I was younger things were bad pretty bad I struggled to get myself to school everyday because of the bad stuff happening at home I always had to deal with extra side problems at home..
i used to look at other kids my age with envy cause their parents always seemed to turn up..to the important stuff you know the corny stuff like..ur yr 6 graduation and I never really got that..I kinda handled myself a lot of the time ..never really told anyone.
bottling any emotions up..and yeah a lot of the time I was alone.
so I got independent ish and helped myself figuring things out but it felt like I was missing something... I never really got invited to parties or anything like that when I was small I was kinda anti social..but is it okay that I was glad to go to school every day To inject some pathetic need of normality in my chaotic driven life ...problems are still kinda going on at home...I just graduated high school and I want to move out desperately ...at the same time I feel sad..like I kinda have been living with strangers who don't really know me and haven't tried to know me all this time..I feel isolated ..and alone
because of past problems I don't even know if I'm capable of doing normal stuff such as talking to someone making friends even being in a relationship..I know being alone is damaging to myself as a human being and not talking to anyone but I can't I just can't...
Im trying to create this identity of myself and go do my dream but I'm starting to feel as though it isn't worth it ...I've struggled so much ... Everything I got I fought for tooth and nail......I don't even know if I should bother with it anymore...,maybe I should just give up..not care about anything and just let myself be numb ..it seemed to work all through out my childhood ...and I don't know what to do with myself ...my life is crap and theirs just so much bad in it that I'm not sure if their is anymore good in it... I've been having depressing thoughts lately and ..I don't know about life anymore ...I don't know anything anymore..theirs no ...happiness left ..their isn't anything in me and I've tried so hard to be strong ...but how long can someone bull to themselves that everything is ok when it clearly isn't..l ..I'm miserable all the time ...I hate my reality I hate my life so much ..ltheir I said It I can't stand my life...so since I clearly don't know what I'm doing .ille leave it up to chance u guys...my life's kinda falling apart and ..theirs not enough bandages to piece it together again...so WHAT DO I DO?
Re: Give Up
I am really glad that you have got in touch. You have described everything that has led you to this point really well and it totally makes sense that you are asking yourself some pretty big questions - it's important to do that.
One of the things that I get really clearly from your post is how resilient you are - you have had to learn to be independent when you were in primary school and now you're older you may be wondering who you can trust and let into your life as friends.
Everyone needs support: someone to talk to and who has our back. You've done a great job of being that person for yourself and I think you would make a brilliant friend.
Life can be tough, but it can also be great. It can be light and fun and easier and it is so worth it. Trust me - it gets better.
One thing that can really help is getting up and getting out. Clear your head, walk, do something fun - be your own best friend for the next week and do things that make you feel good.
There are some things on ReachOut that you might find useful to read and an app that could help, you can find them below. You are worth it and you've found somewhere to be supported.
Re: Give Up
Don't give up and keep fighting. I believe things can always change and it only takes a slight spark/hope in your life to give meaning and hope to life.
I suffered debilitating pain years ago and was confound to my bed most of the day. Having chronic pain 24/7 and mental pain worrying about my life for months and months. That was incredibly hard.
Time passed and things changed. Most importantly I believe you can find a lot of your aid and things that you can do right now to improve your situation here on RO.
My advice to you right now is go take a 15-45mins walk everyday. Either relax or let your mind go free and think about things you want to do. Hobbies, school work, jobs, weekend, volunteering, etc. Find things that you want to do n life. (May take time)
There are heaps and heaps of info on RO on making friends and my tip to you are.
Quantity, you just gotta meet a lot of ppl to find ppl that are open or people that "fit" you.
Give, if you give without expecting anything in return. You will recieve.
Time, socialising takes practice. Like riding a bike once you know how to do it. You'll always know how. I like to start off with asking people how their day is going. Then ask them what they've been up to.
Re: Give Up
It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of these issues for such a very long time. First of all I would just like to say that it takes so much strength and energy to try and keep yourself going for such a long time as you have. You've mentioned that the loneliness and isolation you've been feeling has carried on all throughout your schooling. Tell me, what's that like for you? It sounds exhausting and debilitating?
When you say you hate your life, have you been having thoughts of suicide?
Remember if you need to talk to someone now about keeping safe the following services are available for you 24/7
Kids Helpline- 1800 55 1800
Lifeline- 13 11 14
Re: Give Up
Hey @BluesCluez, welcome to ReachOut! Just wanted to say you showed a lot of courage to openly talk about how you're feeling it's not always easy to do that.
Have you ever considered speaking to someone like a psychologist or a counsellor about how you feel? @OceanMaster1207 mentioned a couple of great services you can call in the Kids Help Line and Lifeline, another great one is eheadspace who also offer the option to chat online if you don't want to speak to someone over the phone.
And if you'd like to speak to someone in person, your local GP can refer you to a psychologist and you can book a session. Speaking about how you're feeling is a great first step in working through what's affecting you.
Re: Give Up
Welcome to ReachOut.com. Thank you for sharing with us.
It sounds really tough to be going through big life changes like graduating from school and moving out of home. Feeling isolated is a normal thing when you're feeling unsure of what can come next and whether you can connect with others.
Everyone here has offered some great advice so far, and we can see that you're an incredibly resilient and persevering person. Like @standinside has said, there's definitely people out there that can 'fit' you from all sorts of backgrounds.
When you talk about shaping your identity, how do you perceive yourself? And, what is your dream?
If there anyone that you trust that you can speak to? You also have us here to chat
Seen something fantastic on the forums?