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Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

On the 15th April my baby cousin was born, but unfortunately she died 5 hours after birth. I never got to meet her, or hold her, all I have are photos, and I miss her everyday.
I got to go and have a viewing with my nan and Aunty on the 26th, it looked like she was sleeping.
We had her funeral yesterday (29th) and when we let go of the balloons all I could do was cry!
As I've said on a post here before, I've been suffering with depression for 3 year. I'm suicidal, and grieving over my lost baby cousin.
I know it's normal to grieve, but I don't feel like I can be grieving, while dealing with this depression...
I don't know what to do :'(

Re: Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

Hi jess no-one,

 

I'm so sorry to hear what's been going on for you. I can't even imagine how tough it must be for you right now. It's really courageous of you to be dealing with this problem in such a considerate manner, even though you sound quite confused at the moment.

 

Like you said, it's completely normal to grieve over what happened. However, like you said, you yourself are dealing with depression so I personally feel that you shouldn't feel obligated to grieve just because other people would do it. Everybody's different.

 

Have you considered speaking with someone from perhaps eheadspace (https://www.eheadspace.org.au/) or someone from your family? I really think speaking to someone from your family would make you feel a little better because they're going through something similar to you right now.

 

I'm sorry for not being a little more helpful but please let us know how you're going,

Nathan

Re: Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

I have spoken to a web counsellor before, didn't find it much help, I see a counsellor usually once a week but its helping... The only person In my family that I would talk to about anything has already gone home, and I don't know when I'll see her next...
I don't know how to cope, I'm sad over my cousin dying, and already having depression doesn't make anything easy.

Re: Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

I meant to say seeing a counsellor is not helping^^

Re: Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

hi jess no-one,

 

I'm so very sorry to hear about you losing your beautiful baby cousin. Death is always such a hard and terrible thing to deal with, but I think it's even harder when it's the death of a young one. It all just seems so incredibly unfair and hard to comprehend. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this difficult time particularly as it sounds as though things have been tough for you for a while.

I think it's so courageous of you to ask for help on Reach Out. It's really common for people to not want to talk about things when they are struggling with overwhelming grief so I think it's amazing that you've found the strength to ask for support. It sounds to me that although you don't feel like you've had great success with it in the past, you're still willing to give talking to someone a go. That's great. It's so important to have someone to off load all your feelings onto when something like this happens. And maybe your family are struggling with their own feelings and may not be able to provide you with the support you need right now.

Here is some information on grief that might help you understand some of the feelings you're having. I think it would be so great if you were able to discuss this with the counsellor you see, and if not, would you be willing to give grief counselling a go? 

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Re: Grief, depression, and not knowing what to do

Thanx for the advise xxx
I don't want to see another counsellor, ones enough for me.
I'll have a look at the information soon.