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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind


I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, I can definitely understand that your girlfriend leaving you would be triggering, especially since she’s decided to experiment. I’ve been through it and it’s absolute hell. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, it’s not your fault. If you’ve read what I’ve posted on here I’m sure that you’ve related to it in some way otherwise you wouldn’t have posted on here. Here’s the thing, I was so terrified of this it stopped me from living life, like I said, I wouldn’t hang around with my girlfriends cause my brain told me that maybe I thought they were attractive. Your brain will mess with you like that, but the trick is to let the thought come through. Don’t fight it and don’t try to prove it wrong, it’ll only hurt you more. I posted a link a while ago about HOCD, see if you can find it, it helped me a lot, maybe it can help you.


You are not alone, you’re going to be okay. Just try to understand it in a different way other than, “OH MY GOD IM GAY!” It only makes it worse. Look into what you’re feeling, don’t try and define it yourself, because your brain will go to the worst case scenario and define it for you.


I hope this helps a bit Smiley Happy

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Thanks I’ll be sure to find the link. It’s just so weird because I don’t find guys attractive at all. But I’ll be watching a tv show or something and I’ll look at a guy, and I won’t think he’s attractive but then a little voice will be like “you’re gay yes you do” and it’s so frustrating. And I know a lot of people reassure themselves by looking at people of the opposite sex to prove that they’re still attracted to them. But the thing is while I do find girls attractive, I’m still so attached to my ex that I can’t bear the thought of being with anyone but her. And I feel like my HOCD is using this to seriously mess with me. But thanks again for the help, it’s comforting to know that other people have not only gone through this, but also beaten it

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

I know, it can be really frustrating when you’re just trying to live your life and then this comes in and bombards it. But remember I am not a professional, I can’t diagnose you or anything, your symptoms do sounds a lot like HOCD, but I can’t tell you that you do have it. The only person who can figure this out is you and it can take a while sometimes to get everything back in order. That being said, don’t let that scare you, this did seem to come out of no where which is one of the symptoms people say to have when going through HOCD. Like I said before, research, not reassurance. Reassurance does work, but it can backfire a lot, so please be careful with how you go about it. 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Well thanks for the help anyway. I do feel a lot better. If you have any tips I’d be really grateful, though you’ve helped quite a lot already. Thanks

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi @lokifish


Idk what to do anymore it hasn’t gone away. Did you get any better with it? It’s so convincing, it makes me feel gay. Like I’m in another persons body, i don’t feel like myself. I’m supposed to be going to therapy, hopefully that helps/:

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi @Amber-Marie


I’m back and still struggling. I can’t stop looking stuff up to reassure myself. I’m scared that I’m becoming gay, it’s really convincing me! I don’t feel like myself, suddenly i feel like I’m attracted to my friends and I’ve never had these thoughts till this happened. My boyfriend is coming home from college for the summer next week and i don’t wanna act different around him. I just want to be normal and have fun with him); do you think it’ll subside soon? Help/:

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

In unfortunately for me it did not go away for a few years, but then again, I didn’t know how to help myself when I was going through it and I didn’t know what exactly was happening in my brain for a long time. That’s why I’m telling you to research it, it’s comforting and informative, that way you understand. Looking for signs of reassurance won’t help, but understanding what is going on in your brain will. Now, you said your starting to feel attracted to your friends, don’t worry, the same thing happened to me. You question everything you thought you ever knew about yourself and that is why it works the way it does, it consumes your thoughts and makes the problems get bigger and bigger. My advice to you is to spend time with your boyfriend, now if he notices somethings up, be honest, this stuff ruined my last relationship and I don’t want that to happen to you. Leave out the whole HOCD details, just tell him you’ve been feeling without getting too in depth, I would suggest something like, “Well over the past few weeks I’ve just been feeling really uneasy and worried for myself. I’m not sure what about but I constantly feel on guard with myself.” Or something like that, you don’t have to say anything that you don’t want to. If he’s a loving boyfriend, which i very much assume he is, he will only try to comfort you and try to help. Tell him that you keep checking things to try and turn your anxiety down. Be upfront, but not too informative. Please remember I am not a professional, but these things helped me whilst I was dealing with it severely. Keep in touch and let me know how you get on, I promise you it’s gonna get better and you’re gonna be alright. Smiley Happy

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time @Nicole4729, it sounds like it is causing a lot of confusion for you at the moment. When were you thinking of seeing a therapist? Sometimes it can really help to have a professional opinion on what is going on for us.

Would it be helpful for you to think about what you might say if your boyfriend notices something is up?

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

A general word from ReachOut: 


HOCD isn't recognized in the DSM as a specific mental disorder. Intrusive thoughts can fall under OCD and anxiety disorders. We want to emphasise that only a psychiatrist can diagnose mental disorders. It isn't always helpful to self-diagnose, even if some of your symptoms are in line with things you've read online, or heard from someone else. 

There are a few key things that are important for us to say in this thread:

- Every single person's sexuality is unique - there is a wide spectrum of experiences, feelings, orientations etc. 
As long as your sexual expressions are safe and consensual for all parties, it is likely to be healthy.

- Being curious about your sexuality is completely normal  - a lot of people, if not most, question their sexuality at some point or another, especially as young people! 

- Sexuality can change, adapt, and shift throughout your life, and your experiences may not always fit a particular box. 

 - Lots of us are on a spectrum when it comes to sexual preferences - being "completely straight" or "completely gay" isn't the case for a lot of us, and that's perfectly okay! 

- Enjoying certain types of porn, having crushes on people of the same or opposite gender, or having certain experiences of arousal, doesn't necessarily mean anything specific or fixed about your sexuality.

-Being attracted to men is not exclusive from being attracted to women, or any other gender expression.

- Labels such as "gay", "straight", "bisexual" etc, can be helpful for some, but are not compulsory or fixed terms. You choose how you define yourself, and if a label feels right for you! 


The pressure and the preference society puts on us to be heterosexual can make us fearful, but there is nothing wrong with not being heterosexual.  


 See our article here for more on this. 


Also a note to be mindful of how we talk about sexuality, as this can impact on others. Being gay is not a negative thing. While fear is a valid and difficult feeling, (society has given us lots of reasons to be scared), we celebrate the LGBTIQ+ communtiy loudly and proudly at ReachOut!  Heart 

If you are having thoughts of any nature, including about your sexuality, that are repetitive, intrusive and/or distressing, seeing a clinical psychologist is definitely the best next step. They can help you to work through any fears, and thought patterns. 




I'm leaving ReachOut on the 5th of June Smiley Sad Say goodbye here

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN!!!!! Because I’m literally the same and I completely hate it and it’s soooo annoying and worst part is the most tiniest things can trigger you and it’s like you can be happy but then it hits you and it’s like you can reassure yourself but then it’s like what if I’m lying on the quizzes or what if I’m just in denial and deep down it is and it’s like noo!!!! And I’ve told my friends about it and whenever I listen to myself I sound insane cause I could go oh she’s pretty wow I wish I had that body and It’s wait does that mean I am?!!?!!? And I’ve done everything you’ve done and I’ve been dealing with it for the longest time. Because basically when I was young a girl kissed me and I was an extremely homophobic and I was always ashamed and I was like omg and then I kind of forgot about it but then when watching pretty little liars Emily I was always like relateable and then when she was it hit me and I was like omg could that mean I am and then I got triggered and after that a bunch of celebrities came and then my friend came out and it was like omg what if I am could but then it’s like no because I have never had feelings for a girl or anything and I’ve always liked boys and i completely get you when you say it’s ruining your life because it’s runing mine too and sometimes I’ll forget about it completely but then when it comes back that voice really doesn’t shut up.