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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

i understand you completely, i think what’s throwing me off is i don’t want a relationship at the moment, with boys etc. i came to terms with that and my immediate reaction was so you’d want that with girls. I know deep down this isn’t the case but my mind is trying to convince me, it’s like visioning things with girls and making them so realistic that i believe them, maybe i’m A-sexual i thought? maybe i’m just not ready. whatever i am i’m going to try not to stress it, it’s just i have constant headaches, panic attacks, cannot sleep because i wake up thinking about it. it’s awful, really awful. but i know this is what everyone says but if i see a pretty girl, old me (prelockdown) if i had thoughts with someone, it would just be there so pretty, i’m jealous. something like that. but now i worry whenever i see someone pretty, all it makes me think is my life is a lie i’m a lesbian. 

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hey @annoymous1234 

Things sound pretty rough for you right now and lockdown isn't helping. I think that @Amber-Marie has provided some really good insights about their experience. As they have said it would be good to talk through this with someone, could be a friend or a mental health professional if it causing you to have panic attacks. We have also had some really good discussions here about sexuality  that you might want to check out to help you navigate what is happening for you.

 

Just a heads up this community is only for Australian users, so we wont be able to provide you support ongoing, we have sent you an email to touch base. 

 

 

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve spoken! I tend to come here when I’m feeling terribly down to the point where I can’t handle the thoughts in my head no longer. Currently, it has gotten drastically better. I’ve found myself ignoring these thoughts, but recently went back to the doctor to talk about anxiety and depression further more. Personally, I find myself to be a very outgoing person, full of energy usually, and very, very extroverted. It was unlike me to become so insecure and block myself from the world that badly. Everything has gotten better, but I do have an issue once again, but no longer with sexuality and general mental health issues I didn’t know I even had. I’m going to see a paediatrician for an anxiety stress disorder, as well as possible depression soon, and I hope to get some assistance and aid from therapists soon. I just wish for my routine to be back to normal. My parents don’t know I initially started stressed about sexuality, but do know I had been stressed over something, and have been very supportive after my dad found me... in a bit of a crying attack. I appreciate all of the support from the forums, and it’s helped me very much. I guess I just fear taking stress, anxiety or depression medication, and do NOT want to take it, in fear of addiction, or getting the wrong idea and harming myself if do get addicted. That’s just a common anxious thought I have, but if you have any suggestions or how your guys therapy sessions went, I’d appreciate it a lot! I’m not going to lie. I’m forever grateful I found this forums, because it’s allowed me to release all of my worries, truths and everything into words, and get quick support that helped me get along my day. To whoever reads this and is suffering from HOCD currently, you will find your way, and you will get through it at the end. 

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi, I’m a 17 year old male, over the past month I’ve been struggling with what I believe is hocd , 2 months ago my dad passed away and I witnessed some traumatic events which doesn’t help me. All my life I have loved women, women attention, everything. Never once have I questioned myself, not because I’m homophobic, but purely because I’m happy with being straight! About a month ago my girlfriend made a joke about me being gay and normally I’d laugh but it’s stuck with me and I’m having such intrusive thoughts, questioning everyone I look at, I feel like I’m empty, like all my attraction has just left me because of all the intrusive thoughts. I want to be back to my normal self, I’m constantly seeking reassurance from myself and always on the internet! I had everything planned with my girlfriend as she’s my first love and the women I want to have my children with. So why’s it all feel like it’s being took away? Like I’m being forced into living a life I don’t want to live. I know who I am and I know what I want but I feel like I can’t get there, help! I had something like this months ago but it passed after a few days but it’s like it’s come back to avenge me.. I have signed up for CBT to help me, but please can someone give me some insight to why this is happening. I know they say not to fight the thoughts but I feel like if I don’t then I’m accepting it when I know I’m not? 

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi @TheForestBeneathTheValley, thanks for sharing. It sounds like things were really horrible for you and you weren't feeling like your usual self. On the other hand, it is really great to hear that things have been getting better for you and that your Dad has been supportive. Seeking some professional support was a really brave step that you took - so well done! We are glad that you find our forums really helpful - we love being here to listen. In regards to medication, it would be best to talk to your doctor about this as we can't provide medical advice here. This is because it is a case by case basis and therefore experience can definitely vary. You don't have to take medication if you do not want to - that is your right. Therapy also greatly depends on the connection you have with your therapist - so it can be about finding a therapist that YOU really align with.

I was wondering if you thought of making another thread about your experience with anxiety, stress and depression? That way this thread can just refer to one topic Smiley Happy

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi @Bh1234, thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like things have been really difficult for you over the past month. I am so sorry that you had to go through traumatic events including your Dad passing away - I can't imagine what that must have been like. It seems like you are now dealing with some other thoughts that are now affecting your relationship. It is really great that you have been reaching out for support which is not an easy thing to do. What do you mean by signed up for CBT? Is this with a health professional? Just so you know, I have sent you an email Heart
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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi, CBT is cognitieve behaviour therapy, helps process thoughts differently

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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hello @Bh1234, thanks for your reply. Will you be engaging in CBT with a psychologist or another mental health professional?
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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Yes with a professional

Sent from my iPhone