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Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

@Chessca_H
Do you possibly have any coping strategies I could use? I could really use some, since I won't be returning to therapy until next year, I can't talk to my therapist about some. It's just hard because sometimes I can control these thoughts because I know what my real intentions in life are. But sometimes it feels like my head is spinning and I can't breathe. It's like it's all too much sometimes. Sometimes I feel my body shut down because I've ended up wasting all my energy on these thoughts. I feel dizzy and I take deep breathes cause I need it sometimes. Just anything to calm myself down, that would be great.

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

@Amber-Marie it is a big list, however this thread has a huge list of coping strategies. Some other strategies you might find useful are things that you enjoy doing, such as a hobby. Have you tried Smiling Mind before? It's guided meditation that might help you. Taking deep breaths is an excellent start Smiley Happy

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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

@N1ightW1ng
Thanks so much for this Smiley Happy. I'll try it out and see how I go

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Oh for fuck's sake, the same thing is happening to me. On one hand i'm sorry you're going through this, on the other i'm a little bit relieved i'm not the only one.

Lately my mind has been "suggesting" (a loose term) that i'm gay or bi.

I'm a male and always been straight but ever since somebody suggested that i might be gay, all kinds of weird shit started happening in my mind. 

I like women and have always liked but to complicate things a bit further, i've always struggled to find a girlfriend. I'm a very lonely dude and one of those guys who has historically been "unlucky" with women.

This craziness intensifies when somebody in real life says something that i interpret as them thinking that i'm a feminine person or bi or gay. Every now and then somebody just plainly asks if i'm gay. 

The straight, bi or gay doubt has been going on for a couple of years now but lately it has intensified to the point that whatever i do, my mind relates it to me being gay. For example i am eating something and i think to myself: "oh god this is amazing, it's better than..." and my mind says: "dick". I'm developing some kind of paranoia, i'm losing my mind!

I like women, i like tits, i like women's asses. I don't know why this is going on and it seems to be growing so much. How to cope with this? Should i go to a gay bar and flirt with gay guys in order to challenge this thoughts?

Have a nice day.

 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hey @DafuqIsGoingOn am definitely feeling for you sounds like you're going through a lot. There's tonnes of people on the forums who either identify as sexually fluid, bisexual, gay, straight, trans etc. So you're not alone, we've all been there as we question our sexuality. 

 

Are you more opposed to being considered a feminine male or being considered a bisexual or gay one? I noted the concern around femininity. Just trying to work out what's weighing on your mind the most. 

 

Discovering sexuality is a really windy road. It's hard to tell whether we like the opposite sex genuinely in a connected way or whether we admire them and try to because that's what society has taught us to do. I think the main thing is to be super proud of yourself for acknowledging these feelings and seeking support, it could be an awesome idea to get to know some bisexual or gay men, people who've been through the experience as well. 

 

If you want, feel free to start a thread about this here and the community can jump in and support you. 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi Amber, 

 

lately ive been having these intrusive thoughts too. I was just curious did your thoughts ever subside?? I’m very scared, and also have a boyfriend who i love and am attracted too. 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi hun, 

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this cause I know how bad it sucks. For me it wasn’t curiousity, it one day just happened. At first it was easy for me to dismiss the thought and continue with my day, but then the thoughts got more aggressive and out of control. I couldn’t sleep, I lost my appetite and I couldn’t focus on anything. I became depressed and I was scared to be around any girlfriends in fear that I might find them attractive and I never realised until now. I now know that’s not true, but I do still sometimes experience it and it’s awful. How did this start for you? Are you scared of the thoughts, cause that’s what it was for me. My best advice is to research HOCD and if you relate then it’s easy to understand. But don’t do it to help get convinced that this is what’s happening to you, look at it from a research students point. That way you’re not giving your brain so much pressure to believe something in hopes it’s right, and it also makes your thoughts worse. Find out as much information as you can about it and try to understand what’s happening in your brain if this is what’s going on.

 

Sorry this response is so long, but I hated what happened to me and I just want to help you feel better. If you need any other advice feel free to let me know. Smiley Happy

 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hi, 

I’m so happy you answered me i wasn’t sure if you were going to because you

posted this back in 2016. Starting in middle of January i got an anxiety randomly out of nowhere. Everyone says it could be seasonal because this has never happened to me before. Every couple weeks my brain finds something to latch onto and obsess over 24/7. This started because i was searching the internet ( which i know i shouldn’t do) and i came across something that said sexual anxiety and i didn’t read too much into it because i didn’t want to put more things into my head. Than i was thinking “omg does that mean i would be attracted to my boyfriend anymore because Of my anxiety” and than another thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay” and ever since then my brain won’t stop thinking about me turning gay and imagines and it’s just horrible. I don’t want to be gay and i know that sounds mean but I’ve never ever been attracted to woman and I’ve never questioned this ever. I’m just scared and i don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend and i don’t want this to ruin our relationship. I don’t feel like myself ): 

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Like I said before, research HOCD don’t look for something to convince you, just learn more about it. It took me nearly two years to get my anxiety to settle down and even now I still get it, but it’s a lot better. It’s okay that you’re going through this and you shouldn’t dislike yourself because of it. It is something that’s happening in your head and no one else can understand that. I understand you not wanting to be gay because I felt the same way, that doesn’t make you mean, you simply don’t really believe/want to be gay or you’re just not. I hated it when people would tell me that sexuality is fluid or that it can change over time, because that makes your anxiety go through the roof. I dont really believe that’s true, but you can believe what you will. I’m guessing you’re also not feeling very ‘normal’ because of this. It’s hard to try and interact with people when you don’t feel like yourself. I got lots of images when I was going through this, I remember one time I was sitting in science and a VERY explicit image kept coming into my head, I left the classroom and cried in the bathroom, I felt crazy and I don’t really think that someone who is discovering themselves would react or think that. I’ve had that many anxiety attacks it’s crazy, sometimes I couldn’t even get up to go to school because I didn’t want to face anything or anyone. But here is one this that I’ve learned, attraction and sexual desire are two completely different things. Attraction can be towards anything, a friend, romantic partner, it even helps us avoid people we don’t like because we’re not attracted to them. I would get anxiety if I thought another girl was ‘pretty,’ I strongly believe that you can find someone attractive but not be attracted to them. My sexual desires however, have always been to men and that’s how I know the difference, but it was hard for me for a while because my brain was flooding in thoughts that I didn’t want to have. Also, this is going to sound horrible, but let the thoughts come through. It sounds so wrong, but trust me it works. By letting the thoughts come through it gives your brain less energy because your not trying to block it out, if that makes sense? If you let them come through and you try not to block them out then they’ll just leave because you’re not putting any effort into acknowledging them. 

 

Hopefully some of this helps Smiley Happy

Re: HOCD or in denial?! I feel like I'm losing my mind

I really really appreciate you talking to me, it means more than you know. I can’t really talk about this with anyone especially not my boyfriend because he would not understand. I really hope i go back to my normal self soon, I’m so tired of this): I never want to go to school either, i just lay in bed and don’t want to be bothered and i just sit in my thoughts which isn’t good. But i have not motivation to go out, and I’m also loosing weight which isn’t good. Sometimes i just don’t feel like eating and i never want to go out anymore with my friends. If you don’t mind me asking how old are you? I just turned 19 in February, I’m hoping maybe therapy will help me. But again thank you so much for your advice(: