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Have i been assaulted/ sexually taken advantage of? (Trigger Warning)

 

Just need to hear someone else's opinion. The other night I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me and so I went out with my friend and a few of her mates. I had also been kicked out of my family home that same night and so was carrying a big camping bag with me. Bit of a mess. I got very very drunk strait away and the night is a complete blur from very early on. By the time we arrived at the second pub I am finding it very hard to remember what was going on. One of the boys, ill call him felix, who knew my ex was talking to me and being quite flirty. Everyone was out and knew I was upset about what had happened. This boy was telling me the way to get over someone was to get under them, I exchanged some flirty talk from what my friends have told me, but nothing more really then "we should watch a film together and hang out sometime". At this point one of the other guys, ill call him John, made a loud comment saying "you should never move to drunk girls but it looks like SOMEONE doesn't seem to care" referring directly to felix. At this point another guy named gary, who was also friends with my ex, dirextly picked up his phone and sent a message to felix saying "please dont do this". We then all went back to this hotel we all booked, there was about 7 of us here, for a room party. On the way there I kissed this Felix, but it was getting quite intense so I ran ahead with some of the other guys. When we got there I barely remember anything. I have bipolar too so I was really a bit of a mess in my state and current situation. I apparently was laughing then crying then dancing then trying to leave. Felix would not leave me alone and was being very intense. I have then been told I was openly talking to two of my girl mates about it and saying I was considering having sex with Felix as I felt it would help me. They weren't sure it was a good idea. Half an hour after this I have been told I was running down the hall way blatantly trying to get away and hide from Felix, crying and trying to ring my ex boyfriend. Apparently I was genuinely scared to be left alone with him and was hiding, shaken up, in a lift trying to get away from him as I had changed my mind and wanted to get away. I Apparently proceeded to cry my eyes out and was trying to ring my ex boyfriend to try and come round to his and get away from the hotel and Felix. EVEN tho I thought he had cheated on me, I apparently was desperate to get away. I eventually got called back into the room and at this point there was only me, Felix, this boy called Danny and girl called Lucy. Lucy was shaking her head at Felix who had been searching the hall ways for me whilst I was hiding from him. I had received texts from him saying "I thought u were on it but obviously not". She was giving him the dirtiest looks apparently and kept saying I don't agree with your behaviour, she's too drunk. Felix went for a cigarette and the other boy Danny then began to tell me and Lucy how disgusting Felix was with girls and how he always picks off the drunkest one. Felix came back in the room and Lucy continued to give him bad looks to the point he said he was going to leave. Danny convinced him to stay and thay we all calm down. Felix then said to me to come over and have a hug, as he saw I had been crying a lot and was really drunk, he called me over and said it was ok and nothing was gonna happen. I barely remember anything of this point. I then lied down on the bed next to him and was half asleep. Lucy made felix keep his hands out from the blankets to make sure nothint was happening at this point. Lucy and Danny then decided to leave and claim they were unable to move me as i was so sleepy. But Felix said he was going to stay, and theu made him swear we would do nothing. At this point they said they weren't sure if I wanted to have sex but felt I would have been able to say no. After this point my memory is pretty awful. I have flashes of Felix and I having sex and I know thay I was joining in and he wasn't forcing himself on to me but I was so so drunk and barely remember what was happening. The next day I woke up and was confused as to where I was and saw Felix next to me.  This was shocking and I felt like I was going to cry. I then got my stuff and left very quickly before he said to me, "im sure you will feel bad today but you will feel better about everything that's happened soon". I broke down as soon as I got to my friends house and I've felt disgusting and completely violated ever since. I have pretty little memory of sleeping with him, he used no protection. Evrryone told him not too. I dont think he forced himself on me but I know I was not in a good mind to be making consensual decisions, and assume I was merely responding to the physical stimulus. I have felt disgusted in myself and don't know what to do. What do people think of this? he has messaged me weird things since, keep asking if I'm ok as he didn't want it to be awkward. I've never slept or shown any interest in him before. I may have been into it and involved but I just feel so violated. what do people think?

also felix has had a weird vendetta with my ex, who he got kicked out of high school and also was sleeping with his other ex just before this.

My other friend told me thay she woke up to felix touching her in a bed after a night out when they hadnt even shown any interest in eachorher. Luckily for him she is kinky and enjoyed it but fucking dirty if u ask me.

 

Re: Have i been assaulted/ sexually taken advantage of? (Trigger Warning)

Hey @amycharles111, I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you. It sounds like a really difficult situation to process and I think it's really powerful that you've reached out and shared what's happened to you. It's so important that we talk about these experiences, as it helps us to begin to process and heal.

 

Understandably, it sounds like things are quite confusing for you at the moment, so I thought I'd share some information with you regarding sexual consentsexual assault and support for sexual assault, which may help to clarify things for you a little bit. 

 

I can only imagine the roller-coaster of emotions you would be feeling right now and to help understand them and work through them, I think it's really important to take that next step and get some one-on-one support as soon as possible. 

 

1800 RESPECT is a confidential information, counselling and support service for people impacted by sexual assault and it's available 24/7. Would you feel comfortable chatting with a helpline like this or do you have a support person you could book an appointment with?

 

I also just wanted to let you know I have edited out a couple of the more graphic details in your post, and I added a trigger warning in the title, as we just try to be mindful of creating a safe space for everyone to share and receive support. I hope you can understand.

 

Finally, please know you are not alone in this and we are here to support you Heart

 

 

Re: Have i been assaulted/ sexually taken advantage of? (Trigger Warning)

Hello, 

I know this is a year later and you probably won't even see this but I just wanted to say I was deeply affected by your post. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that in one giant mess. For the record I just wanted to say that your friends shouldn't have left you alone with Felix and it is absolutely not your fault for what happened. You probably don't want to think about this as you probably want to get over it, but I hope you talk to someone about it. It's important not to keep these things to yourself. I went through a less extreme version of this with my ex boyfriend who took advantage of me while drunk and then left me passed out, naked in bed while a party was going on downstairs, most of the people I didn't even know so I was vulnerable.  For ages I thought it was my fault for getting so drunk but I realised I was with a bad type of person. I hope you don't stay in contact with Felix, for your own safety. Lots of love Smiley Happy

Re: Have i been assaulted/ sexually taken advantage of? (Trigger Warning)

Hi @Coralie3 and thank you for your bravery and courage to speak up and share your experience to help another member of our community Heart You are such a strong person, and I can hear the hope and healing you are wishing for others- we hope that you also have the support to heal too Heart

 

You've mentioned having an experience of sexual assault, and we want to check in and see how you are coping? Are you seeking support for the experiences you went through?If you would be interested in making a new post to tell us a bit more about you, we are here to support you in the same way you have just supported @amycharles111.

 

If you ever need support, please reach out Heart

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