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Help for the helpers

Sometimes you have that one friend who helps other people, but lacks in getting the same support themselves. I feel like one of those people. Can anyone else relate?

Re: Help for the helpers

Hi @Parachute! I can definitely relate to how you're feeling at the moment. It can be really difficult when we give support to others who may not necessarily show it to us in the same way or at the same level that we would expect or hope for. I think that there are a couple of things we can try to remember and think about when we feel this way.

1. Could it be worthwhile having a little chat and communicating your feelings with your friends so that they know you would really appreciate some more support from them? It's helpful to try and remember that not everyone thinks the same way we do but that doesn't mean that they don't care about us. It might mean that they require more communication from us in order to help support us in the ways that we need, so checking in with friends and letting them know your needs is something that is totally okay to do.

 

2. You can always broaden your support network if you feel like your current network isn't providing you with the support that you require. This could mean making new friends or asking for support on platforms designed to help and support you just like the ReachOut forums! Although our friends love us and care for us, sometimes they may not feel fully equipped to support us.

 

3. We should all strive to live by 'The Golden Rule' which is “treat others how you want to be treated" and by the sounds of it you already are doing this which is fantastic! It can be tricky when we show support to someone and don't receive it back but the important thing to remember is that if you truly value support then showing it to others should bring you happiness knowing that you are allowing them to see the magnificent, caring and kind human that you are!

 

I hope that helps you a little! If you ever need support on anything please reach out. Smiley Very Happy

Re: Help for the helpers

@Parachute 

 

I can definitely relate. While it's nice to know that people view us as dependable, approachable, and trustworthy - I know it can be hard sometimes and even lonely. I think you should open up yourself to one of your closest friends so that you can start to get that support even though it might be uncomfortable. You could also try journaling or simply writing down how you feel and what's bothering you as a way to self-cope and regulate your emotions. Stay strong and don't forget that it's okay to take breaks from being everyone's therapist and just take a breather. You are not responsible for them in the sense that it's okay to say no to request, or show that you are uncomfortable or overwhelmed talking about things if you do feel that way. Hopefully, your friends can start to show you the same support.

Re: Help for the helpers

Hi @Parachute, I can relate to that Smiley Sad. Sometimes I feel that one of the reason that I become a helper is that I hope people who are experiencing difficulties will receive enough support, rather than lacks support like me because I know that feels really bad.
But at the same time, I am building my support networks just as what I suggested to others, maybe I can only get supports less than I imagine, but at least its more than I do nothing Smiley Happy Hope you will find your supports soon

Re: Help for the helpers

Hi @Parachute, I just wanna check wether you are okay right now because it seems that there was something happened and you felt not so good. Please feel free to speak if you need any help and comfortable to speak Smiley Very Happy

Re: Help for the helpers

Hi @Parachute ! I can definitely relate - pretty sure I've had the job title of 'friends' tragedy counsellor' since about 5th grade! haha. I think the main thing I've learnt over the years is when to say 'no' - being honest with yourself and others about the headspace you're in, and what you can and can't (or shouldn't) handle. As a people pleaser myself I get that it can be really hard to do this as you don't want to disappoint others, but you can't help anyone if you're struggling yourself, and you need to put your own wellbeing first. If you feel comfortable, it would probably be beneficial to talk to your friends about you feel like you support them but not the other way around, and that you'd like this to change. If they're worth having as friends, they'll care about how you're feeling and understand.  sending hugs Heart

Re: Help for the helpers

hey @Parachute i can definently relate to your post!
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Help for the helpers

This is why i love this forum, people who can't gain support from their friends or family can turn to Reachout for support from others who do genuinely care Smiley Very Happy