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Help me help someone else

Hi RO world,

 

As u know i am who ppl call TheSilentOne (or TSO for short) and currently i'm cool. U know, good friends, alright home and a great girlfriend (gf). But there's something not right.

 

My gf is a brave one. She's my age and she lives in a house where she is constantly put down by her mum cos of her grades (averaging 80s but still not good enough for her mum). She's constantly called "stupid b**ch" or "wh*re" and she's being hurt by all this. But she doesn't accept the fact that she's being hurt sometimes. She talks to me whenever she has problems with her mum and I support her as much as possible. I always listen to her and try to give her some sensible advice on how to keep from going under.

 

I'd love to go down to her place and know her door down and tell her mum to shut her mouth or i'll shut it for her. But i can hardly do this without losing my gf in the same process. I realised that i want to do this because i love her like nothing else in the world and i want to protect her from being hurt in any way. I can't protect her like i want to so a good friend told me because i can't protect her the way i want to, i should support her whenever she needs me. But there are gonna be times when i am unreachable and i hate the thought of her doing something stupid.

 

So what I'm really asking is how can i support her otherwise? Are there any bases that I haven't covered? What do u recon they are and how can i cover them?

 

Thanks TSO \m/

Re: Help me help someone else

Hey buddy

 

having a quick look over your post i think what your doing so far is the ticket!

If you are worried she still isnt coping to well i recommend seeing a pychologist or counselor. If shes not comfortable going you could go with her i know pysch are fine with that.

 

in doing that you know shes still getting support, positive reinforcement and has someone else to contact. If you cant be there all the time, when you are there to help, let her know your there to take her hand and walk the hard road with her, and you wont let go and by helping her to take action to fight against the negativity and her mother. when your not around u know at least shes still can go forward while ur away

 

i think that gives you a peice of mind that shes starting to handle things, and when ur not there shes gaining skills to deal with her problem. Reassurance can be the key. esspecially with woman.

 

I understand how you feel im very defensive of my girlfriends (not overprotective eg. not letting her out or talk to other guys) but when they are upset and someone is putting them down or hurting them i would go to hell and back for the one i love to stop hurting. but you gotta keep a level head to even though i would do these things going over the top or stepping in can back fire. BUT be there and dont let her take shit from anyone

 

Hope this helps you mate

Re: Help me help someone else

Hi ryan08,

 

Thanks for the reply man! It means a lot.

 

About ur suggestion with the psych, I've tried telling her about going to the school counsellor and she said she's tried it and that it's been no help. A psych external to the school would cost money so that's out of the question cos her parents would have to pay for one...

 

Soo....what else can I do? Cos i feel downright useless trying to defend her but not being able to... 

Re: Help me help someone else

Hi TSO,

 

Wow, that's a really tough situation and I can see why you're having trouble knowing exactly what to do. I can tell you care about your GF a lot by the fact you've come here to seek advice. She's lucky to have someone like you.

 

You're absolutely right to be there for her 100% as much as you can be. You're also right that being confrontational with her mum is not going to help much - It's great that you feel protective of your GF but unfortunately that sort of tack never really works.

 

From what it sounds like, your GF is actually the victim of emotional abuse/bullying - it may seem a bit harder to identify since it's her mum. But constantly putting someone down is bullying. You can read a little info on emotional abuse here: http://au.reachout.com/What-is-emotional-abuse

 

It's important that you GF can feel confidence in herself and feel as though her achievements are valued. You can help her do this by suggesting she make her own goals for how well she wants to do in school. For example, if her goal is 75% marks, then 80 is brilliant and she's exceeded her goals! Give her as much encouragement and support as you can, talk to her about her future goals and what she needs to do to achieve them - again that way she'll feel a sense of accomplishment in herself that you and her friends can support, and her mum's reactions will sting a little less. 

 

Hope that helps a little. You can also call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 - they'll be able to talk you through how to help out more. You can then encourage your GF to talk to them as well - your recommendation and the fact that you've talked to them will help her to trust that as an option.

 

Best of luck, I think you'll help no matter what you do just by showing her you care - that must mean the world to her.

 

JDx

Re: Help me help someone else

You can take her to the doctor and get a health care plan you get session through that.

or you can goto a counsellor in your local area... some times you have to find a good one for you