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Help?

Recently my boyfriend asked me when I want to start having sex I said maybe in a few months but I really don’t want to but I don’t want our relationship to be ruined. I’m petrified of the thought of sex. I want to wait until I’m married but I love my boyfriend but I don’t want to start sex idk what do I do??!

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Re: Help?

@Mrstweety5482 could you tell him about wanting to wait until you're married?

You have a right not to have sex if you don't want to. Hopefully your relationship is comfortable enough for him to accept that, but I know that's not always the case.. 

 

I don't know if you want to wait until marriage for religious reasons, but if that's the case then there will probably be others in your community/ religious group who've experienced similar things and might be able to give advice.

Even if it's not for religious reasons, various websites on religion might have some ways to have conversations about waiting until marriage.

(I'm not religious myself, so unfortunately I have very limited experience here...)

 

Another place that might have resources on how to talk about not wanting to have sex will be the asexual community. This will be especially useful if you don't want to have sex even once you're married, but could be helpful either way. 

 

Sorry that I couldn't be of more help, but hopefully some of those resources will have something useful for you. 

Re: Help?

I’m just petrified he’s gonna hurt me 

Re: Help?

@Mrstweety5482 hurt you in what way?

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It’s irrelevant and stupid idk why I even thought to ask for help I should just do what he wants

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Even if it means getting pregnant at age 17 oh well who cares what happens 

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I might as well just die before it gets any worse

Re: Help?

Hey @Mrstweety5482

It sounds like you're having some really stressful thoughts at the moment, and I am so sorry to hear that thinking about this has brought you to a bad place. 

Sex can be a really scary thing for a lot of people, especially if you're thinking about your first time. It is also tied to a lot of really important cultural ideas and traditions for some people, so while some may not see it as being that big a deal, others may really weigh their decision to have sex with a lot of time and consideration. Regardless of how you feel about it, it's important to remember that your decision is just for you and no one else  Heart @Tiny_leaf's post is totally correct in saying that you should never feel pressured to have sex by anyone!!

You mentioned briefly that you were scared that your boyfriend might hurt you, did you mean that you were concerned that having sex itself might hurt or something else? Sex, usually for the first time can for some people-with-vaginas can hurt a little bit, but I really want to underscore that the media often exaggerates this (usually for dramatic effect!) A lot of people don't even notice any pain on their first time, as they're distracted by everything else that's going on! not to mention you can always go slow and really take your time with it, which pretty much eliminates any sort of pain at all. 

As for dying before it worse, it sounds like you're really upset about the situation, and you're a bit stuck on what to do. I know for a fact that if your partner cares about you, they won't pressure you to do something you don't want to do in any situation, let alone for something like sex. I really want to remind you that hurting yourself or dying really won't fix the situation at all, and will really only make things a lot worse.

I want you to tell me, what's something you could do or change in the situation to make yourself feel more comfortable and secure with whats going on?

Re: Help?

@Andrea-RO 

im scared of what he might do to me if I tell him I don’t want to do it I feel like I have to submit to him and do as he says 

idk what to do

Re: Help?

@Andrea-RO I’ve only been dating him for 4 months 

and he is very controlling 

im scared if I break off the relationship he will do something to me

im scared if I’m honest to him he might force me or hurt me in some way

I’m scared if I do what he asks I’ll be a 17 year old pregnant girl