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Herpes scares

So first things first just to give you a run down
1. I am a 17 male
2. I am a virgin
3. I am currently in a 8 month long distance relationship
Okay so I apologise if this gets too graphic for community guidelines, I am trying to keep this as clinical as possible
I just got back from a visit to my gf and we fooled around a bit
Just before I visited, I had what may have been a cold sore but had since gone (No discoloration or open wound but tasted metallic like healing skin)
I am not completely sure as it may have just been irritated skin (I am on medication that dries and cracks my lips something bad)
During this visit, I performed oral sex on her, something I told myself not to do but I got so caught up in the moment I forgot. The actual act only lasted about 5 seconds, but there was at least 2 seconds of contact with that part of my lip
I don't know how long the virus lasts in the system so I am really really scared that I may have given my gf herpes.
I love this girl. WIth all my heart. And I feel like the worst person in the world and that I don't deserve her at all
I am so scared to tell her because she'll get angry or scared and I don't want to lose her. I don't I can handle screwing up this relationship. I hate myself now and I don't even know if anything has happened
I know I need to tell her but I don't know when or how
We live interstate (NSW and ACT) so we don't get to see each other that often. She may be visiting next week though. Should I tell her over the phone or wait? If I wait to long and she beings to notice, she may get the wrong idea like I cheated on her and contracted the virus from someone else. I am deeply and madly in love with this girl, RO, and I would do anything for her. I just don't want to lose her Smiley Sad If she does test postive, I will stick by the whole way but she also gets so anxious. I just don't know what to do Smiley Sad

This is seriously making me so nervous that I feel sick
I keep telling myself it'll be okay but I need to know it

Re: Herpes scares


I went through a similar thing a couple of months ago. You have to tell her, you just do, its shitty, and it might be awkward, but you have to tell her. Have you had a look at these?

it sucks, but if you're relationship can hold on through this - well done, if not, its nobodys fault, you didnt know that a sore on your lip
could do that.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Herpes scares

Hey @drhalloween ,


Thanks for posting. Sounds like this is really worrying you at the moment. First off, here are some info sheets on herpes and STI's so we're square on the facts. 


I would say the first thing that might be helpful is to speak with your GP. They are the ones with the best knowledge, and will be able to give you the most correct answer. If they say there is a possibility of transferring the virus, it would probably be a good idea to speak with your girlfriend about it. If this is close to the time when she is visiting then in person might be a good way. I know that is not an easy conversation to have but it's obvious that you care for her very much and I;m guessing she feels much the same way. I think when you care about each other so much, keeping things honest and open is really important. 


Try not to beat yourself up about this, the fact that you are so worried shows how much you care about her and how you woudn't do anything to intentionally hurt her. Speak to your doc and go from there. Hopefully there is no issue but if there is let her know that you are there to support and help her. All the best.


Re: Herpes scares

Hey @drhalloween ! I agree with both of the above - you defo need to tell her and the sooner the better. However, it might be good to arm yourself with some medical advice first. Like rt262 said you could talk to a GP, but it might be easier to give the Sexual Health Infolink a go first. It's free and easy to use. Just explain to them exactly what you have here: 1800 451 624

Online Community Manager

Re: Herpes scares

I plan to talk to her when she visits next I think
I called the Sexual Health Line
They said that you can only get one strain of Herpes (Oral or Genital) and I had been kissing her a lot before so hopefully it's oral
I'm going to book my GP for tomorrow and go and see if it is a cold sore. I bloody hell hope it's just an irritation or pimple
Thanks guys

Re: Herpes scares

hey there @drhalloween 


i think you've got some pretty good advice from the others. being open and honest is always the best policy, and i guess the sooner its all out in the air the better. it's important to remember that sti's are pretty common! it's all about just managing them in the best way you can and seeking treatment when you can get it.


i was told once that if you have a cold sore you can actually pass the virus on at any time. you don't necessarily have to have a "visible" sore to pass it on. it's something that you kind of always have once you contract it, but it's just dormant most of the time. it doesn't mean that everyone you come into contact with will get oral or genital herpes, it's just something that can occasionally happen. maybe you can ask the doc if there's any truth to this tomorrow? they might be able to advise some tips on how to make sure it stays dormant - like maybe keeping your immunity up or something?


it's great that you've called the sexual health line. sounds like they gave you some good info and you're doing everything you can! i think you can get specific vitamins or tablets to help control cold sores, so you could ask your gp if there is any you could buy that are safe for you to take if you're worried you might be getting one and it's coming up close to a time you visit your gf Robot Happy


Re: Herpes scares

@drhalloween thats great you called the sexual health line, you are taking this on very maturely! well done


As they have said that there are two types and you had the oral coldsore type (to be confirmed by gp tomorrow) then try not to stress to much over it. Im no doctor but there is a possibility that you could be stressing over nothin! Smiley Happy


You could tell your girlfriend, or if she is prone to anxiety you could wait an see what the doc says tomorrow - if its nothing then you can tell her the problem (or lack of problem) and the solution all in one! 


I used to worry myself sick over things that would eventually never happen so now I try to live by the motto "cross that bridge when you get to it" 

Re: Herpes scares

OKay guys
So I went to the doc
He said the chances were very unlikely
As the wound in question was not open and was dried up,  the actual fluid that carries the virus would not have likely made contact (That is what causes the virus)
Also, he did say that having experience with Herpes (Both oral and gental) kind of builds up a immunity to both.
He wasn't making any promises and there is still a chance. I am going to tell her but just reassure her that there is nothing huge to worry about and that I'll be with her the entire time.
Thanks guys
Let you guys know what happens

Re: Herpes scares

@drhalloween how are things going?