Hi
Life has been okay but every time something good happens, I feel it goes down hill later on, especially with like friend group issues, overthinking, minor problems at school. Personally, I think I am a good person and I give back and make sure others are happy. Sometimes I don't feel like I am getting it back, like as in I don't believe I deserve all this stress. I mean this in the most non selfish way. The amount of stress is getting to a point where its annoying and saddening me including my overthinking. Is there anyway I could feel better and hope for the best?
Comments
Hey @tann,
That sounds really tough, and I hear you. It’s frustrating when it feels like things keep going downhill, especially when you’re trying to be a good person and support others. You do deserve kindness and peace too. 💙
It’s okay to feel worn down by stress—it doesn’t mean you’re selfish at all. Maybe taking small breaks just for you could help, whether it’s doing something you enjoy, journaling to get thoughts out of your head, or even just reminding yourself that not every thought deserves your full attention.
You’re not alone in this, and things can get better. Sometimes, even just acknowledging that you’re doing your best is a step forward. Keep being kind to yourself too, not just others. 💙
Sending you hugs!
Hi Tann, I'm sorry to hear you are going through a tough time and find it's consuming your thoughts and leading to overhtinking. Please know that this is normal and completely universal. We all fall victime to the negative side effects of stress, but the most important thing is finding healthy ways to cope. I myself, let stress get the best and me and find myself having negative thoughts, but I turn it around and do what makes me happy. I find engaging in a hobby, finding a passion, and spending qualitiy time with the people I love always helps. I love to paint as this hobby is also a passion and Ithink about nothin else except my painting! Try leaning into what makes you happy and motivated you. It makes the biggest difference in helping you through this tough time 💕. Best of luck in navigating this journey and remember the community is always here to help!
Good morning @tann ,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling a stressed about your situation, and I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. It can be disheartening to feel like the good things never last, right?
While it can be disappointing, in my view this is the nature of life, and it's not just the good things that don't last - no feeling lasts. Which has been a great comfort to me over the years. When I'm feeling low, tired, frustrated, helpless, upset, I can always assure myself that these feelings won't last and that more pleasant feelings and experiences are on their way. When I'm feeling good, I try to appreciate and enjoy the feelings while they are there, and not worry about the feelings fading, as I know that while this good thing may not be around forever, something else will make me feel good later on. There is always more good to come, maybe not in the way you expect. I've experienced this a lot with friends, which you mentioned as a particular concern for you, and have moved through a few different friend groups. I have learned to appreciate the time I spend with each friend and know that our relationship will likely change over the years and that's okay.
Another one of my views is that you don't become stressed or not stressed because you 'deserve it'. You say you feel like you are a good person (I'm sure that's true) and that you don't deserve your stress, but I don't think stress happens to people because they deserve it. You haven't mentioned this explicitly, but I hope you don't get caught in the trap of feeling like you aren't a good person and you are being punished with stress - to me, that's not how it works.
What are you stressed about? Is it the worry of losing the good things in general or are you stressed about something specific? If you are willing to share, maybe we can discuss it and suggest some tips. ☺️
I have gone through some friendship issues with a group of my friends recently, everyone secretly doesn't like eachother which is frustrating when they are nice to their face. One friendship breakup has made going to school hard for me as they are still in my friend group, they talk over me in group discussions and just makes me feel not relevant. That is the most significant stress right now. I've tried moving on but things always get in my way. So now I am more silent.
Hi @tann ,
That sounds hard, I'm sorry. Even if my general philosophy is that good things come and go, it's still painful when those good things (in this case, your current friendships) feel like they are on the way out. I hope that the problems in your friend group settle down soon, and that person who is speaking over you all the time stops doing that. I've struggled with feeling like I'm not being listened to or valued in a friend group before and it sucks.
I don't know what the outcome will be in this friend group, but while the group isn't in such a good place, have you got some ideas of some things you could do to help yourself to deal with the stress? It's always important to take care of yourself, but especially so when you are dealing with extra stressors.
It might be a good idea to try branching out from this friend group (without burning your bridges) if hanging around them is causing so much stress. This article gives some advice about how to make new friends at school. Remember that making new friends doesn't mean you have to abandon your old friends altogether, and in my experience it's always good to remain kind and friendly to everyone even if you don't plan on spending as much time with them. This article may help you to cope with the friend breakup you mentioned, and you might also like this one about coping with changing frienships. There are lots of other great resources about friendship, self care and stress on the ReachOut website which you can access any time. 😊
The ReachOut Peer Chat service is also a wonderful resource if you'd like to message someone in real time, and perhaps your school also has a school counsellor who you could talk to about how your friendships are affecting you at the moment. I'm so glad you've already taken a positive step for yourself by making this forum post!
I'm happy to keep chatting in this thread if you would like to. No matter how your friendships are going at school, we are always glad to have you here. 💛
Hi @tann
Thank you for reaching out, I understand how hard it is to get out of the overthinking rabbit hole. It can be very debilitating and diminish your self-esteem. And you're right, you definitely don't deserve this stress! You deserve to just be able to live and be happy. It's not a selfish thing to say at all!
Life will always have it's up and downs, but it’s important to remember that you can still hope for the best and find peace in the process. Start by focusing on the present moment rather than worrying about all the possible outcomes. Take a breath, and try to gently challenge those negative thoughts—ask yourself, “What’s the evidence for this?” or “Has this happened before?” When your mind drifts to “what-ifs,” flip those scenarios into positive ones, like imagining everything going well instead of wrong. Break things down into small steps so you don’t feel overwhelmed, and remind yourself that it’s okay not to know every outcome right now. Life’s uncertainty is a part of it, and not having everything figured out doesn’t mean you can’t trust that things might work out. Be kind to yourself—take a moment to visualize success and how good it will feel when things go well. It can also help to limit the information you’re taking in and focus on small actions you can take right now, even if they’re tiny. If you find it hard to re-focus your thoughts, I find that keeping busy and distracted doing other things instead can just improve my mood because I am temporarily not dwelling on it. Lastly, think back to times when things turned out better than expected. You’ve navigated tough situations before, and you can do it again. You deserve to feel hopeful and embrace the journey with trust in yourself.
Hi @tann
I hear you, and I completely understand how you feel (in fact I am experiencing something very similar myself!) It can be really difficult when you try your best to be a good person, yet things still feel stressful and unfair. It makes sense that you are feeling this way, and I want to acknowledge that your feelings are completely valid.
Something that has helped me is reminding myself that even though life does not always feel fair, it does not mean that I have done anything wrong or that I deserve the challenges I face. Sometimes things just happen, and it is okay to feel frustrated or disheartened. What matters is that you are doing your best, and that in itself is something to be proud of. You are trying every day to be a good person and that should be celebrated in its own way.
Maybe it could help to think about what you can control and what is outside of your control. Focusing on the things you can control, even if they feel small, might bring a little more ease. It took me a long time to realise that life will not always go the way I hope, but that is okay. Challenges will come and go, and while we cannot always stop them, we can be gentle with ourselves as we navigate them. I always try to tell myself, “I have been through difficult times before, and I can get through this too,” to remind myself that even though these feelings I am experiencing are unpleasant, I can overcome them because I have done so before.
If you feel comfortable, I also suggest talking to someone in your life about how you are feeling currently, such as a family member or friend. Overthinking can feel really heavy when you are carrying it all alone. Journalling has also helped me when my thoughts feel overwhelming — even just typing things out in my notes app has made a difference. Sometimes just getting those thoughts out of your head can bring a little relief.
Wishing you all the best.
