Honestly whats the point? I cant control my anxiety & therapy might not help.

[Alec29]

So I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, severe Hypochondria along with panic attacks and obsessions & compulsions and I have been trying to seek help.

I have been on meds for a few months & it's the best decision iv made, however i'm not cured the meds just dull the symptoms but I still cant function like a normal human being & I cant cope with this, i'm going to die at some point & my life is just wasting away while i'm constantly scared & anxious. I hate leaving the house, I cant play sport because i'm afraid ill get hurt or the team will get mad at me because I suck, i cant even watch tv or read anything related to health or danger without freaking out and being convinced i'm dying & i'm constantly worried spiders are going to kill me in my sleep or that i'm just going to drop dead for no reason. I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me & none of my friends or family understand that I cant just stop being anxious or do things like a normal person.

I have been on the waiting list for therapy for about 5 months and I called up today as I have my first appointment tomorrow and it turns out they didn't even book me in they forgot so now i have to wait at least another month & Im struggling. Im beginning to lose all hope, what even is the point of trying the therapy probably wont help, i can only have 10 sessions in a year as I just turned 18 and cant pay for my own meds let alone therapy & my family struggle financially so I cant ask them to pay for me because i'm unable to function normally. We are also going to be even worse financially soon as my mum has decided to divorce my step dad who is and has been emotionally abusive to me for years. I feel guilty about this because i'm the one he hates not my mum so she shouldn't have to suffer because of me. Im so worried about everything mainly my health, death & money and it makes everything so hard, I don't even know why I have mental health issues and it sucks. I also just finished school so I don't have studying to distract me or give me a sense of achievement anymore and I have no hobbies because they are expensive. I cant even get a job even though I try so hard and had almost perfect grades, nothing seems to be going right for me at the moment. Im kind of pathetic I cant even drive because im terrified of cars and driving im 18 I should be a responsable and able person but im not.

Sorry I sound like im whining I know there are heaps of people worse of than me I don't even really know what the point of this post is i'm just really frustrated and stressed 

[Mayaa99]

Hey @Alec29
I'm sorry to hear that so much is going on for you. It sounds like a really tough time, but youre a very strong person to come and post about it here, so well done for that.
Youre definitely not whining, everyone needs a bit of a shoulder to lean on sometimes

Try to stay hopeful, you're on the list to get help and it's such a tedious thing but you're almost there now, you've waited this long and it'd be a shame to let it go now. You sound like a very determined person, and strong willed, so hang on for that little bit longer.

Have you looked into some other programs that might be able to help you in the community? Even for a hobby, maybe just call the local community centre and have a chat to them to see if they're running anything that you might be able to join?

[Esperanza67]

Hey @Alec29, I'm sorry to hear about your situation . I understand how long the waiting list can be to seek therapy. However, in the meantime, is there other mental health supports you could reach out to while you're waiting? Like for example headspace?

I should also let you know that the road to recovery can be long and difficult to the point that it seems like at times you feel like things aren't going to get better at all. But they will eventually, I guarantee you this. Generalised anxiety disorder and hypochondria is 100% treatable. Trust me, I've seen it .

[Bee]

Hey @Alec29 Sounds like there is a lot going on right now!

I agree with both @Mayaa99 you are very strong to come and post here, and definitely not whining!
It really sucks that they mess up your appointment. That happened to me just recently with my psychiatrist! It's incredibly annoying when it happens.

As @Esperanza67 said this it totally 100% treatable And we are here to help and be there alongside you on this journey of recovery

Do you have any plans now that you have finished school? Or any idea of what you would like to do?
Maybe having something to look forward to and focus on would help?

[Alec29]

Hey @Bee Thanks for the support & reply

In response to your question yes I do have plans I'm currently waiting for my ATAR and Uni offers, I plan to study Psychology Honours, I haven't 100% decided on my major yet, I'm switching between Human Neuroscience, Addiction Studies, Criminology or Sociology.

I do think having something to do might help but I don't have any hobbies (unless reading & playing Pokemon counts ) and I don't have a job, though I do have a job interview next week, hopefully I will actual get this one.

[Mayaa99]

@Alec29 Thats good to hear! Goodluck! When do you get results? Must be soon!
As a fellow psychology student, don't worry over majors etc at the moment, you'll have a bunch of compulsory units to get through in the first year, so that will help you make your decision later on (Although, I'll definitely advocate for criminology - human neuroscience is great, but alot of brain work )

They of course count! Have you read anything interesting lately?
Exciting times ahead for you All the best !

[Bee]

@Alec29 ah awesome! best of luck, I hope you get the ATAR you need!

Reading and playing Pokemon definitely counts!

[Esperanza67]

Hey @Alec29, good luck with your high school results and job interview! I also agree with @Mayaa99 has said in that you shouldn't be too concerned about what to major in just yet, like you I was stuck on what to specialise in when I started studying psychology and finishing my first year compulsory units helped me decide on what area I wanted to specialise in.

[Alec29]

Hi @Mayaa99 Thanks for the reply, sorry I didn't answer sooner. My ATAR results come out on the 19th of December  I only need 65 but I wont be happy unless I get over 90, I'm a perfectionist. I have been reading some interesting stuff, honestly I'm not fussy I like most of the books I read. Iv also decided to teach myself Japanese though I often start things then stop so I'm not sure how long it will last. Im also trying to force myself to exercise as I am having issues with my weight and my anxiety meds have made me put on 10 kgs  but I just hate exercise and specifically walking & Running and I cant afford to pay at all for exercise so I have no clue what to do.  

[Mayaa99]

@Alec29 All good. That's soon! Try not to think about it that much, whenever I'm getting results back I always remind myself that "I did the best I could and there's no point in being upset over it because, i cannot change it anymore". Even if we are perfectionist, any score that gets you where you need to be, is perfect. 

That's good to hear, I love the activities you've picked up. How has the Japanese been going, why did you choose Japanese? 

Hey, don't force yourself to exercise, when it becomes a chore or a thing we must do, that's when its eeevveen harder and it sucks. Just go for walks when you can, maybe ask a friend if  you can walk their dog or tag along with them? Check out your local community too, they often run sports etc that will be fun?