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How can I forgive myself?

For the past several weeks, I have been pretty depressed, but not really for any reason. But the other day, I remembered something that I did when I was about 12 and now I can't forgive myself. When I was 12 years old, i tried to use cream and cat food to get my cat to lick me inappropriatly. She wouldn't really do it but I still tried a couple of times. I've never been sexually attracted to animals I just wanted to know what it would feel like. Now that I remembered, I don't know if I can ever get out of this depression because I hate what I did so much I disgust myself and it is so har for me to sleep at night and live with myself.

Re: How can I forgive myself?

Hey @Asammy and welcome to RO Smiley Happy

It's not always easy to forgive, especially when it comes to ourselves. You don't need a reason to be depressed, sometimes it comes without any warning. Have you spoken to anyone, family, friends or professional about how you've been feeling these past few weeks?
I understand what you are going through, remembering things that you've done. It took me awhile to let it go, but it is possible to forgive yourself. It might help to apologise to your cat, if you can, for what you've done.

There is no one way to answer your question, only that you can forgive yourself.

You might also find it worthwhile to talk to someone about how you are feeling. You can do this anonymously through KidsHelpLine, Headspace or another online/over-the-phone counselling service or to close friends and/or family members. Schools, universities and TAFE all have counsellors that you can turn to if you need to to help you with depression.

It is hard, but a part of forgiving yourself is to accept what happened. You understand what you did, and use that understanding to accept, and move forwards. You can do it, @Asammy.

Re: How can I forgive myself?

hey asammy, people do different things during moments of stress or confusion. i dont even have the courage to list stuff of mine on here anonymously. so you have my respect.

we all change and evolve, i think it is harsh to beat yourself up for something you did when you were 12 regardless of how much it bothers you. having said that perhaps try to understand you where a different person then at 12, young children dont often look ahead at consequences or how they may feel etc etc,,,,they just do what comes into their heads. i do think its important to try to get some peace from these thoughts and feelings which bother you now or it may get worse. missing sleep is tough,,,,,if your able please try to accept that you were young and confused,  and i belive the cat was not harmed,

many young kids experiment in many different ways, some which they regret later in life. im sure you have grown since then and maybe its now time to start forgiving your little self so the older you can get some peace.

try to let little sammy of the hook....


Re: How can I forgive myself?

Hey @Asammy, and welcome Smiley Happy


There's been some really great advice given here, so I just want to reiterate that if this depression is really debilitating for you (which it might be, considering that you are having trouble sleeping), definitely think about who you can talk to. If you know a parent, teacher, counsellor, doctor, etc. who you trust, opening up to them could be the start for you to recover from this depression and the shame

Re: How can I forgive myself?

Hi @Asammy,


At 12 years of age, many people are trying to discover "who they are" and that includes their sexuality. It's also a time where giant transitions happen in quite a few aspects of life including going from a child to a sexual being. 


I can understand why you look back on this and are ashamed, but at the same time as some of the other posters have mentioned, no body was hurt. You're looking back on that incident now and are feeling the way you are because you have developed even further- which is pretty cool! You have managed to understand social norms, create and use a set of morals and standards, and as I'm sure you know, you will continue developing as you grow older and are exposed to different things in life. 


Hows everything going today?