How to speak safely about self harm on the forums

Safe conversations about self harm 

We want to preface this post by mentioning that if you think this post could be triggering for you it’s okay to read it at a later date when you feel up to it. 

Self harm is something that impacts many people which is why It’s really important to talk about self harm and our thoughts of self harm when we have them, and to get the right help. 

Talking safely about self harm online is important because:

1. Talking about self harm is brave, important, and a way for people to get support. 
2. Talking about self harm breaks down stigma and the less shame we feel, the more we open up, the less emotional pain/isolation we feel, the less we will be at risk of self harm. 
3. Talking about self harm online can be upsetting for others and needs special consideration in order to keep everyone safe.

This means that we need to know how to talk about self harm to encourage point 1 and 2, and avoid point 3. 

How do we talk about self harm? 

If you come to the forums with thoughts of self harm, or want to discuss self harm, take a minute before you type up a post to consider:

• What do I need right now? (Do I need to talk to someone? Do I need to feel heard? Do I need to find a way to stay safe?)
• Where is the best place for me to get what I need? Is the forum the best place or is there a more suitable service eg: a crisis service?
• If the forum is the best place, how could posting on the forum impact other people who read or engage with the post?
• How can I communicate this information safely? Do I need to change parts of my language, or add something that tells people I am safe?

If you have reflected on the above questions, and choose to share about self harm on the forums, please make sure your posts follows these guidelines:

• Use safe language when discussing self-harm. Make sure not to include any details or information about the method you have used.
• Make sure that you have confirmed that you are safe somewhere in your post. (If you aren’t safe, then you need to be using a crisis support service)
• Use a trigger warning in the title of your post by putting TW in the subject line.
• If you are having thoughts of self-harm, make sure that in your post, you confirm that you are safe from these thoughts and able to stay out of serious harm.
• If you have self harmed, make sure that you confirm in your post that you are safe and not needing medical attention. (If you are in danger or need medical attention please contact 000). 
• Include in your post the steps or strategies you are using to reduce distress, or that you are accessing crisis/non- ReachOut supports - make sure you take these steps. 
• If you are unsure what steps to take to reduce distress or stay safe, ask the forum for ideas, and be open to these ideas. 
• When discussing self-harm, please refrain from using terms such as “clean, addict’. 
• Please use person first language while discussing self-harm, i.e. ‘person who self-harms’ as opposed to language that characterises a person by their self harm such as ‘self harmer’ or ‘cutter’. 

Why is talking online about self harm a big deal? 

Talking on a forum, is very different to talking to someone face-to-face, or in a private space for a few key reasons:

• We are not moderated 24/7 and can’t give you support immediately.
• We are a peer support service that relies on other young people to offer their insights, experience and wisdom. If you are in a crisis, you need support from an appropriate service trained in supporting people in crisis.
• Anything posted online is easily misinterpreted or misunderstood. It can be hard to clarify what someone means.
• Talking in person allows for communication through body language, and ongoing ‘real-time’ conversation. It's often easier to understand  what someone means, when you talk to them face to face, or even over the phone.

Why is it important to follow these guidelines? 

We have thousands of people reading the forums every day that could be impacted by reading posts about self harm - it could cause them distress or leave them worried.

These guidelines are really important because while we want you all to get support from ReachOut, we need to know that at that moment you are safe. These guidelines come down to the community caring about your safety but also making sure that we aren’t causing distress to the community. 

We want our community to be a place to find new solutions, support and a way forward. It’s good to keep this in mind when posting or responding to anyone. 

We may remove or edit posts if the post:

• Discusses self harm or thoughts of self harm without confirming safety, steps to reduce distress, or access to crisis/non- ReachOut supports.
• Is unclear or vague about safety, if there is no response from a member within an hour of initial post, OR if response does not confirm safety.
• May be harmful to the community

It is always up to staff discretion whether a post is harmful to the community and needs to be edited or removed. We may also need to introduce time restrictions or pauses on your access to the forums, if we feel it will help you to build up your support network outside of ReachOut. We will always email you about his process. We know that when someone is in high distress it can be easy to forget these guidelines and we empathize with that struggle, and know this stuff is hard, so we are here to support and help you!

Why is it so important for us to have safe conversations about self harm? 

One of the most impactful things we can do for ourselves and for others is to be part of breaking the stigma of talking about self harm. We hear this over and over - but what does it mean to “break stigma”? We’d like to get the community's thoughts on this, but at ReachOut we believe that breaking the stigma has a lot to do with talking about it in order to reduce the shame people feel for self-harming. How we do this is by telling people we are not okay, by building on our support networks and connecting with others. It is for these reasons that ReachOut wants to hold a space for people to feel safe enough to open up about their self harm. We want our community to feel less alone.

With all this said, some of you might still be confused about how to speak about self harm in a safe way. We appreciate that this is a difficult topic to discuss with guidelines in place and we are happy to answer any specific questions you may have around this - leave a comment below if you want us to get into more detail or you can email us at forums@reachout.com 

What Next? 

• If you are having thoughts of self harm head over here for some resources and information. 
• If you need support now for thoughts of self harm, contact one of these supports.
• If you are in danger or requiring medical attention, please call 000. 
• If you read something on the forum that is triggering for you, read this post on what you can do about it. 
• If you need help services for self harm, we have a list of services. 
• Calm Harm is an app that provides tasks that help you resist or manage the urge to self harm.