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I AM NOT MY TWIN!

Lately I've realised something.
I think it's something I've 
known for a while but I chose
to ignore it. 

I don't want to be my twin brother. 

I am 20-25 years old and I am

a non Identical twin. (The Younger Twin)
For most of my life I've been trying
to distance myself at least
personality-wise and looks from
my twin.

But here's the problem, whenever
I try to do something different my twin
copies or follows me (He's older)
If I want to get into basketball
he wants to get into basketball.

If I want to dye my hair they want to
dye their hair.
If I try to go to a different group for my
Uni assignments they want to follow me.

I'm actually sort of grumpy and they're pretty
cheerful so..we somehow work well. 
They're huggie and I hate hugs. 

But I no longer want to live a life where
we share everything, I don't want to
share the same friends. 
I don't want to wear the same shirts. 
I don't want to have the same
personality. 

I am not a copy of my twin, we are 
not the same, we're different as day and night.

Yet they're making it difficult for
me to gain some sort of different Identity, 
because they stick to me like glue.
It's natural for people to grow right?
But when someones always with you, how
am I supposed to become independent?

What If I want a boyfriend in the future?
Or a different job?
Because they always cling to me it's
almost as if they're holding me back,
forcing me to play a role when I want
to develop my own unique self
not as a twin.

It's gotten to the point
where my twins friends think I'm
instantly their friend as well just because they're
mates with my brother...Its not like 
they bother to get to know me as a seperate person.

I'm tired of being an extension of my twin. 
I want to be different but I'm not sure how to approach this because
we're very close. 

How do I tell them to back off a little and give me some breathing space? 
I don't want to live my life with us two trailing
each other and never having any other friendships or
life outside of each other its not healthy. 

Re: I AM NOT MY TWIN!

Hi @YunoGasai

Wow - some powerful thoughts and reflections there.

Thank you for sharing them with us. I can definitely hear how difficult it's been for you to work through your own identity as a twin, and make sense of what that looks like. It must be tough to always feel like others think of you as "one" when you are two distinct separate people. 

 

Your question about how to ask them to give you some space is a good one... do you think they feel any of the same things that you are feeling? 
Maybe they will also see the value in having some space ? 
Are there things that you do by yourself? Or friends that have that aren't friend with your twin? 

 

 

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Re: I AM NOT MY TWIN!

Thank you for giving me some validation and yes you're right I should talk to them about it. Im going to sit with them and have a bit of a discussion. I feel like it's because we've always had each other that we're also a little insecure from learning to be different, I can't at this from a space of anger...but I love my twin so I will make the effort in our friendship to be more empathetic and understanding. 

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Re: I AM NOT MY TWIN!

@YunoGasai that sounds like an awesome plan - remembering all the things that you love about your twin should definitely help you communicate empathetically, while still getting your feelings across too. Let let us know it goes! 

 

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