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I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

It's just causing me pain now

I can't stand getting laughed at, feeling I'm awkward person or basically having these weird thoughts about myself

I ask for advice on how to stop it, but everyone tells me I'm fine and not to change

I don't get it

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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

It sounds like you're really struggling with how you're feeling about yourself, even if people are saying that it's okay being the way that you are, @MemphisBelle. How would you like to feel about yourself and what could you do to begin to feel that way?

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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

I'm really sorry that you're going through this @MemphisBelle. It sounds like it's pretty overwhelming. Smiley Sad

If you don't mind me asking, what is bothering you the most? The thoughts about yourself or how people are responding to you?
Is this something that's affecting your life a lot?

We're here if you need some support. Heart

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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

You ever feel like in your in an ongoing battle you just lose at constantly? That's been me recently

I can't go into specific details, but I make steps to get better only to get kicked in the face and knocked down. Constantly
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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

Hi @MemphisBelle , I've just been catching up on this thread, and wanted to check in and see how you're going today? 

 

I've definitely had times in my life when I've felt that awful feeling of facing hurdles and setbacks at every turn, and it can be a really demoralising place to feel yourself in. 

 

I was wondering if you feel comfortable sharing a bit more about what that looks like for you? 

 

I know that there's a lot of people on the forums here who can also really strongly identify with sometimes feeling like they don't fit in, or feeling different, or weird, and it can be really exhausting if you feel like you're trying to find your place in the world, but you don't quite fit. 

 

Many of us have felt like that at different points in our life, or still feel like that sometimes. But I hear how exhausted you are feeling. One thing that gave me a lot of comfort at a similar time in my life was music - your post for some reason reminded me of a lyric from a song I still love, from Michael Franti, in "Stay Human" 

Image result for all the freaky people make the beauty of the world

 

Is there any kind of activity, or place, or music, that makes you feel like you belong ,or that you're not alone? 

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Check out our community activities calendar for March 2020 here
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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

@Janine-RO 

I don't know if people laugh at my jokes cause they find them funny or laughing at me for being a weirdo. I have bad memories that keep haunting me from school and early UNI days before I quit uni

 

I got picked on at UNI for wearing the same 2-3 shirts often at one point, I just wanna be on the path to my chosen career future but getting on it is difficult. I had courses be cancelled, altered on me last minute it's demoralising. 

 

I just feel like I'm twiddling my thumbs doing barely anything.

Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

Hi @MemphisBelle, I'm really sorry you've been feeling like this Smiley Sad

 

I've had similar feelings and thought processes before. I tend to be really shy and quiet unless I'm with people I'm very comfortable with. I kind of realised this and that it was different in high school and became really distressed by it. I felt like I was broken and wrong and felt so embarrassed and inadequate just being around people. People would point out or make jokes about how quiet I was, which intensified the shame I felt. I started putting all my energy into trying to change it, to act like other people, but it just didn't work which left me feeling even worse.

 

I don't really have tips on how to change, because it didn't work for me and the efforts left me worse off. But I also found it really frustrating when people told me I didn't need to/couldn't change a key part of myself, because I thought I'd be stuck in a really painful place forever if that was true.

 

One thing I found helpful in my journey which you might also, was (when there was a safe space to do so) explaining to people that I found certain things hurtful and asking them to stop. For me that was people commenting or joking about how quiet I was. For you maybe it would be people laughing at you when you're being eccentric? I found people generally hadn't realised it was hurtful, apologised sincerely, then stopped. Which gave me a bit of breathing room and made it a bit less painful figuring out who I was and learning to accept and understand myself.

 

I also found it helpful reminding myself of things I liked about myself, and of relationships in my life where I felt accepted and found fulfilling. And gradually coming to understand myself better, and learning there were others like me. Maybe you could try doing the Myers-Briggs personality test? I loved reading something that described my personality fairly accurately, and in a way that didn't condemn it as wrong or bad.

 

We're always here to listen Heart and btw, I've always loved eccentric people! I find them so fun and energising to be around and find their passion and openness about their uniqueness inspiring Smiley Happy

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Re: I Dont Wanna Be Eccentric Anymore

@MemphisBelle  I'm so sorry you had those experiences at uni, that sounds really rough. 

 

I hear your frustration about uni and your career path, it can be awful feeling like we're treading water or not progressing towards our goals - can I ask what you're wanting to study/ pursue as a career? 

 

I love what @hellofriend  said about preferring people who are quirky/ eccentric - I'm the same, but it's only as I've gotten older that I've really become more comfortable and embraced my geeky/quirky side. It can be really exhausting when we feel like we haven't found our 'tribe'. 

 

Would you be interested in doing any volunteering or PT work? I've met a lot of my favourite people through various volunteering positions and different jobs I've had, it can be a good way to feel more productive if other things have stalled. 

 

You show a lot of openness and courage in posting here, thanks so much for sharing what you're going through.

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Check out our community activities calendar for March 2020 here