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I Have Trouble Asking For Help

I made a bit of a break through a few days ago in terms of communication, which makes me really proud. 
For the first time in an extremely long time (Let's say 10 years) I've told my mom what's
actually bothering me. She was mad at me for something and we were fighting over Facebook and I finally told her I just can't deal with stuff anymore. I opened up about being depressed over financial circumstances as well as how over the last couple of weeks I've been crying randomly at night for a month straight. How I'm suddenly unhappy and it doesn't go away. I was honestly truly honest with her about how bad I was mentally doing. 
It worked she was receptive and she listened to me. 
But it also made me realise I'm very bad at asking for help or telling people when I'm not coping. I will chalk it up to my childhood self, I had convinced myself that if I asked for help I would be bothering them. My mother is very strong but she's also very busy. She has to deal with both my depressed older sister and my younger autistic sister. Since I only have a mom it's a huge pressure for her. I figured if I was good or if I could handle myself I wouldn't be such a burden but instead I just suffered in silence because I thought that was the good thing to do.
I spent a lot of time silently suffering and pretending everything was fine when in reality it wasn't I was hurting awful bad. As soon as I told her it felt like an entire weight had been lifted off my chest like I wasn't alone and that someone cared about me.
I can only continue to try my very best to improve myself so that I too can eventually support the people that believe in me, maybe then one day I could love myself as much as the people around me love me. Thank you for listening.  I will try my hardest. Sincerely Yuno

Re: I Have Trouble Asking For Help

So well said. I think this is probably a very common and familiar scenario. The notion of sitting in silence with our issues and afraid to ask for help. For fear of judgement, feeling that we might not be understood well enough or feeling a burden. These fears are often inflated and inaccurate to the reality of actually opening up to the people who truly care (friends/family etc) and trusting that they can catch us. Like with you and how well you were received and heard. Simply being able to express oneself is in and of itself helpful. 

 

It makes so much sense that you were the child who was perhaps 'no trouble' so you could easily be overlooked and then you internalise. It's really courageous of you to actually take the risk and disclose what's close to your heart and reveal what's really going on for you. 

 

Thank you for sharing this with us and demonstrating some real courage.  Keep seeking support too because it sounds like the level of stress and struggle you have and are experiencing is something to not neglect. Again, it's really quite tough when most of the energy is invested in siblings who are struggling, while it's fair enough, you also can be overlooked unintentionally. I hope this opens up a new dialogue and maybe even make you guys closer as family.