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I Love Being a Disappointment

I am a disappointment

To my mother who feels sick to look at me

I am a disappointment

To my sister who's heart breaks when she hugs me

I am a disappointment

To my father who rants secretly about me

I am a disappointment 

To my friends and teachers who see my hallow body

I am a disappointment to myself

A pathetic, obsessive, stubborn, skeleton of a nobody

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

@Blurryphaced great use of poetry, putting words together in such a way is truly something. I'm really sorry I can't offer any advice for you, just want to let you know that your not alone as I often feel Smiley Happy . How are you doing at the moment?

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

I sent you a high-five because I felt as if you deserve it. I don't even know you, yet I'm so thankful that your putting all your anger, sadness (pretty much your emotions) into poetry- and not self-harm. This is my first message to someone but it honestly feels so good talking to people about my problems and listening to them. I hope you don't mind me asking, but why do you feel like you're a disappointment? I'd love to hear more from you and maybe even some more poetry? Smiley Happy 

-Jasmine 

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

Hey @Blurryphaced
I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling.. in fact, it’s kinda how I feel too so please know you aren’t alone!
I don’t see you as a disappointment and I’m sure no one else on the forums do Smiley Happy
The thing I find most helpful is trying to do things that I can be proud of. It could be something small like holding a door open or something else like supporting a person going through a hard time Smiley Happy it doesn’t have to be big and no one else has to know because the idea is to bring your self esteem up and every now and then I was proud of myself. Don’t let other peoples opinions affect your own! Your so much more than what those people see if they do think that of you.
But I’d say work on changing the way you see yourself (‘disappointment’) then once you build the confidence of not being a disappointment, try showing it. I’m not sure if this makes sense sorry but it’s whats helped me.

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

Hey @Blurryphaced 

 

Thank you for being so brave to share your poetry with us. It's so important to have ways to express how you're hurting inside. I can see from what you've written that you're feeling quite down on yourself. It's not easy to carry that feeling that you're a disappointment - do you think you could share how you're feeling with your family or a friend? Heart 

 

Know that you are not a disappointment here on the forums. You are a valued member of this community and we are here to listen to you. 

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

Thank you for your kind words @Pasta. Sometimes its hard to feel like you're not alone. I am a little better now at least, feeling less depressed and more just anxious. I'm pretty used to that by now though. 

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

Thank you for your kind message @jasmine12345678. Even though I'm not very good at it, I do enjoy putting my feelings into art, whether it be poetry, story writing, songs, or drawing,  and as someone who has struggled with self harm, it is often my first method of avoiding that. I suppose I feel like a disappointment at the moment, for many reasons. I was born two months early, I am incredibly anxious, I want to be vegan, and I have ASD, so I can get quite controlling and obsessive with food. As a result, I feel like a burden to my family, because I make them so worried for my health, and I hate that about myself. Unfortunately, no poetry today, not feeling very creative Smiley LOL

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

No need to be sorry at all! It makes perfect sense, and I thank you for taking your time to share this suggestion. I'll try it and get back to you Smiley Happy @Bananatime04 

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

I think many people already know how much I dislike myself @Bre-RO , the struggle is finding a way to love myself, especially when sometimes I don't want to because I feel I don't deserve it. Thank you for your kind words, it is nice to have the support of this community Smiley Happy

Re: I Love Being a Disappointment

Hey @Blurryphaced

 

 It sounds like you really are struggling with a lot of issues at the moment, particularly around how you see and feel about yourself, as well as some of the further reaching issues of your ASD, and how it's affecting you and your family. 

I was just wondering if you were using any professional supports at the moment, or have used them in the past? Sometimes we can all feel a little out of our depth, and it can be really helpful to talk to a consellor or therapist, to help you reflect back what you're thinking and feeling without any judgement