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Re: I am having a hard time

Sisters are fun aren't they @Eden1717?! I'm not sure about yours, but mine is younger and drives me absolutely crazy!! And like yours, she too has a hard time understanding that not everyone is perfect and others feelings are just as valid as her own. I love her to pieces but sometimes she can really drive me up the wall and be a huge trigger with my anxiety and depression which is never easy because family members should understand best right? So I get it. I'm sorry it's been a bit rough with her but know you're certainly not alone in the sibling department! 

 

As for your psych, I'm really sorry you don't feel as though you're being heard. There is nothing more frustrating and upsetting so I really do feel for you. I know it may not feel as though this is true, but please know it is NOT your fault. You are trying hard and sometimes that is all we can do. As you mentioned, you never asked for this so please don't blame yourself. Mental illness is no ones fault! Sure, some bring it on themselves more than others, but majority of the time it is something that cannot be stopped no matter how hard we try and fight it. So please don't blame yourself. I really do hope that you are able to stick it out and push through with your psych in the hope she is able to help in some way. I know you haven't had good experiences in the past but try your best not to think about those and just embrace this relationship and see where it takes you. So much easier said than done, I know. But I really do hope she is able to bring you some peace. 

 

I am also REALLY hearing you when you say "don't they understand that I hate myself too". This hit me hard, and I just wish I could give you the biggest hug because sadly it's a feeling I relate too so deeply. Self hate is something I've lived with for years so it just really upsets me when I hear others feel the same as I would NEVER wish it upon my worst enemy. Ever. It is so cruel and ruins you. So while we're on the topic, and I know this might seem lame, but I was wondering if you might be able to share 3 things with me that you do like about yourself? I know it's hard, and in all honestly I'd struggle to answer this too, but I just want to try and remind you that you are worthy and that you really should try and find it within you to love yourself. You may not love all of you to start with, but maybe try picking something new each day to focus on? And I'm always happy to hear them! 😊

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Andrea-RO  Peer support groups aren’t the right kind of place because you can only say so much, it is just not helpful in this situation. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  Family should get it but no they often don’t. I don’t know if sticking it out with her is worth it though she just keeps annoying me but when I say that is what she is doing she gets defensive and blames me for not opening up enough. Like I don’t know what else to do because I don’t really think there are any good psychs in my area left to try and cannot be bothered to start again but she is also just really not getting it and it is frustrating the crap out of me at times it is also why I think I am so apathetic toward seeing her like I literally don’t care if she knows what is going on because I have zero expectations that she will actually do anything to be helpful. But then like she is costing me a lot of money and ugh idk what is the right thin, do I keep waiting for someone who can’t get a clue when I is placed right in front of them or do I give up and stop with psychologists all together. Idk but she is getting very frustrating. As for your 3 things I cannot answer that now or probably ever. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 , 

 

I hear your frustration with where things are at with your psych at the moment -  it can be so hard when the therapeutic relationship isn't really where you need it to be, or the skill set of the mental health professional isn't quite what you're needing, or you're not finding it helpful - but like you said, it also takes a lot of energy and effort on your part to establish a new relationship with another psychologist. 

 

It must feel very frustrating seeing your psychologist with zero expectations that she can actually help, though, and I really feel for you. 

 

I know that there's now more recognition that complex mental health problems can need expertise and skill that can be harder to access in some areas of Australia, do you think online consultations could work for you? 

 

I was on another thread just before, and just wanted to say how amazing the support that you give to other users here is, and what a hugely important member of this community you are . I am constantly blown away by how generous you are with your time and sharing your experiences and insights to help other users.The fact that you're able to do that while you're having a bad time yourself really is a testament to your strength. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Everything is fucking ruined and I am too tired to have this particular fight. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717,

 

I'm hearing things are really hard right now, and you mentioned that everything is ruined. Do you want to share a bit more about what that means? Is the feeling like there could be a fight related to your sister or your psychologist, or something else?

 

We are here to listen if you need to get anything off your chest today Heart 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Jess1-RO  Basically one of the 3 things I have dreamed of and only every truly wanted and the reason I have been trying to stay alive might not be able to happen despite me having fought all year for it. And honestly I don’t know if I have the energy to keep fighting for it but I also know if I dont I have no reason to stay alive anymore. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717,

 

I'm hearing that things are feeling really hopeless at the moment, and hopelessness is a really painful feeling to sit with. The fact that you are coming to ReachOut and sharing how important your goal is to your sense of meaning and purpose is such a huge step. You mentioned not feeling sure if you can keep fighting, but also knowing how important this goal is to your life and your hope for the future.


Would you feel comfortable to share what your goal is? And what has happened that has created some hurdles or challenges?

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Jess1-RO I really can’t I will just start crying again and I have been doing that for the last 3 days and can’t keep doing it cause my eyes hurt too much and my head ache never goes away, 

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Re: I am having a hard time

We understand @Eden1717 Heart Very heartbreaking time for you- I can hear how much distress this has caused you. Crying would be contributing to the headaches so I can understand not feeling ready to talk right now Heart 

 

Is there anything you need to get through the afternoon? Is there anyone around you today?

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