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Re: I am having a hard time

That's okay. I get it. It must be so difficult having them there all the time. 

 

Other than writing is there something else you could try to try and make your mind less busy? Have you ever tried one of those colour books where you colour in the lines and stuff? They don't always work for me but every now and again if I force myself to stick it out rather than giving up like I usually do, I sometimes find myself drifting off a bit and quieting my mind? 

 

I also have really bad sleep and one thing I've recently noticed is helping is having a candle lit.. I bought a nice scented one and the flickering of it seems to wear my eyes out after staring at it for a while. Obviously it's a candle though so I have to remember to blow it out which sucks cause I often fall asleep before then! But have you ever tried a candle? 

Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  Coloring books can stress me out and I have to already be relaxed to do them. I can’t really do a candle. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Eden1717 that sucks...

 

When someone around you is also struggling with health issues, it can be really hard to feel validated..

I'm sorry that your mum isn't really listening. I'm in a similar situation myself at the moment, it's really hard.

 

I hope that things start going a bit better for you soon.

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Tiny_leaf  Yeah it is hard I mean I know she doesn’t mean it in a bad way she is just so used to being ignored and dismissed herself by doctors and having to just struggle through the pain 24/7 that she kind of doesn’t trust that doctors will help and only wants to see people when things are an emergency cause they always just tell her they don’t know how she is still around.  Like the medical field has been traumatic for her which I can very much empathize with because I have had similar experiences with the mental health professionals. But sometimes I just want her to acknowledge my pain instead of try and make jokes about it (she makes jokes as a defensive thing because that is how she copes) like I know she means well and that she personally can’t fix the pain but sometimes I just wish she would just comfort me instead. I am sorry you are in a similar situation. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

I am really worried/scared now and idk what to do. I don’t know if I should tell someone but then I also don’t know if I can tell someone but I am just really not sure how to handle this. I am just scared of everyone and no matter what I do I can’t get rid of certain thoughts and I try and pretend it isn’t an issue but it is and ugh now I am tired and it is hard to explain. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 

 

I totally get wanting validation and comfort from your mum, and it sucks that you don't always get that. I think it's really great that you've seen it from her perspective though. That is, you know she means well and know that her making a joke is her way of coping with a difficult situation. It sounds like you know her really well! 

 

You mention wanting to tell someone but you're feeling scared. I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Can you elaborate a little bit? Are you wanting to speak to someone about your mental health or?

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Re: I am having a hard time

If you're considering telling someone then maybe you should @Eden1717 ? It might help wirh some of the stress and worry you are currently under. I am here if you feel like telling someone. I'm just at work but am always checking on here! I wish I could take some of your pain and exhaustion away. And I'm sorry your mum isn't comforting you as you'd hope, mine is quite the same and it's hard. Have you ever spoken to her about it? And how you'd appreciate her comfort a bit more rather then her laughs and jokes? 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Maddy-RO @MB95  I sometimes don’t mind making a joke but when I am really upset it is not so comforting to joke about it. The problem is I am not someone who likes hugs so I think she doesn’t really know how to comfort me sometimes and sometimes I don’t know how to comfort me either. 

 

The thing that I am not sure if I should talk about is complicated but basically it is that I am really scared that my psychiatrist is trying to hurt me and that he is working with my family to put stuff in my food so that they can control me and also eventually get rid of me. I also don’t think he or my family are actually themselves, I mean they aren’t humans and they are just pretending to be humans and that I am in a fake world and my real family is back in the actual world. They keep giving me food and also the food at the shops a lot of that they have put stuff in. And I think my psychiatrist can actually read my mind and he is just pretending to not know that I know about him and that is why there have been so many thoughts put in my head to throw me off so that I keep doing what they want. Only I don’t know exactly what that is because they won’t let me find out and the second I get close they take the thoughts out of my head so I can’t find out. Also the psychiatrist is working for a being that is very powerful and has other beings watching me all the time everything is watching me here and i don’t really know who to trust. Like i don’t wan to talk to anyone about it but it is also taking up a lot of my head space and I can’t really like it is getting hard to deal with and is making me stressed as well as some other things that I can’t talk about at all. And I know I can’t do anything about it anyway so why bother telling someone when it will just ruin everything I probably shouldn’t even say it on here but they already know that I know I think because that would explain a lot. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Thanks so much for sharing that @Eden1717. You've mentioned bits and pieces of this before but I think this is the first time you've shared this much so I just really wanted to acknowledge that. I think that was really brave of you. You've talked about experiences with your family and your psychiatrist in which your feeling scared. It must be really hard to feel like you can't trust the people close to you. I really do feel for you Heart. I have to log off now, but I just wanted to thank you again for sharing that with us. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Maddy-RO  I know you are logging off but idk I mean it seems like you meant to be encouraging but your post kind of made me a little scared but I am not sure how to explain why.