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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

I am having a really difficult time and I am just not coping I want to scream I keep trying to keep it together but it isn’t working and I am so stressed that i keep dissociating and I am struggling to keep connected to everything and idk I can’t explain it I am just really not coping 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717, it sounds like things have gotten more difficult for you recently, we're here to listen if you wanted to talk about things more 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 I've been absent for a couple of days and just catching up on these posts. I can hear in your words how incredibly tough and brave you are in this situation. I am so sorry to hear pain and distress you are going through right now. It's incredibly tough that no one in your family or healthcare appears to be listening to or understanding you right now. You said before you are struggling to cope and keep connected right now. Is there anything we can do here in this community to help ease some of that strain?

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Andrea-RO @JazzInMay  I am just really struggling because I am not coping but my options to deal with it are not good options in fact they are terrible options and 99% of them would likely make things worse the other 1% doesn’t make it worse but doesn’t make it better. I just feel trapped and frustrated because there is nothing I can do but just tolerate it. Everything is a mess. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717 

 

You have had so much going on, I wanted to check in and see how you are today? Did you manage to get some rest last night? 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Claire-RO  nope still not sleeping i am just really irritable and cant stop talking and moving around and i want to scream at everyone and i cant stay focused on anything and tried to do some art but now i just have 2 different half finished paintings. i feel like i cant settle and i feel like i want to talk about everything and i am really struggling not to annoy people and like i dont feel good just really like cranky and agitated and a little sped up and i am still really paranoid about everything and everything else is still difficult and i dont know what to do but i didnt get to sleep until like 6:30am and then woke up again around 10am and i just feel like time is moving a lot slower than it usually does and i am doing like 20 things and i think surely i have wasted a few hours and i look at the clock and it has only been 20 minutes and it is making me so frustrated and idk i just feel really off and i am still anxious and stuff but like i feel like i need to do things but i dont know what and ugh i cannot even explain it. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Eden1717I am glad to hear you got some rest last night, even if it was only a small amount. I am sorry to hear how today has been a struggle for you. I want to give you major kudos for getting through the day - sometimes that's all we can do and sometimes it's freaking hard and you've done it today! Are you still feeling pretty agitated and anxious right now?

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@JazzInMay  I am still really struggling and really agitated and stuff my eating disorder is getting so so so much worse and it is scaring me I am really not in control of it at the moment and I keep crying because I can’t deal with it. Everything else is getting harder to deal with as well I hardly ever feel real and I am struggling just to stay present  in this world and everything is a mess and I am just really not even sure what to do at this point like I have done everything I can but it isn’t enough nothing I do is ever enough. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717,

 

How did you go with the rest of your night tonight?

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Andrea-RO  Idk everything is weird. 

 

I am just feeling really weird like before I ended up in hospital things were really chaotic like I hadn’t spelt and I wasn’t eating or drinking and I was hearing things a lot and sometimes I was seeing things and I thought everyone was actually like a demon  kind of creature and I was really scared and panicked and I couldn’t even speak properly and everything was just really scary and like I am trying to ignore it all and I am sleeping a little and trying to at least drink but the eating is still hard but I feel like I am one small thing away from being back there and the hospital didn’t help it just made me more scared and instead of being focused on the fact that I thought everyone was not humans it just made me focused on the fact that those non humans want to harm me and I have to hide from them and stay quite and do what they want so that they don’t harm me. And now I feel so trapped because I am still having a lot of the thoughts from before except now I just feel like I am not allowed to share them and that I have to put in even more effort to look normal just to avoid those maybe people maybe not people, people from making things even worse/more difficult for me. I am trying really hard but I still feel really off and I don’t know what to do long term everything is just a huge mess and no one around me understands or is even really trying to. If I say something that isn’t what they think they don’t try and understand they just think oh I am not normal and we need to make me normal even if that isn’t possible. I can tolerate not being normal but sometimes I just need some support/help to manage and I feel like everyone is so focused on me being how they want they are not helping me to do what I need to get through.  

 

I dont know what to do I am trying I really really am but I keep getting scared and I tried telling the people I was supposed to but then they either didn’t care or they said they would do things that would make it worse which just makes me think that me thinking what I do about everyone/everything is actually right. I don’t know how people just expect me to be able to deal with this all the time like there is only so much I can take and right now there is too much going on and I know things are not good all over but I am just I don’t i am trying and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to make it better. I thought I had everything under control but I clearly don’t how am I supposed to know when/if/how I am going to slip again and how far will I fall when that happens. I don’t know what to do.