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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Tiny_leaf  There is no where safe and I cannot explain why exactly but there is no where I can escape. But it seems I am being messed with again only I am not sure who it is or why they are doing it, I think maybe I made them mad I did something bad and I didn’t mean to I was just so angry and frustrated and it came out but now it cannot be taken back, everytime I am even a little close I get tripped up again. Still it is my fault I blabbed maybe I was wrong maybe something is happening but behind the scenes still they will never say I apologized again but it won’t ever really be enough. But now I am scared I am not sure how mad they are they are keeping me in the between still but they don’t say why we wait only that we must. I am scared they will not let me sleep again soon it is nearly 6am, I haven’t slept I am not sure I just I am not sure how I am meant to make everyone satisfied they are really really really mad I tried to say sorry I don’t know how to make it better.  My head they keep going inside my head last time was so painful and exhausting I thought I had done enough for now I don’t get it, I am sorry I really am I can’t explain it. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

I am sorry this is continuing to happen to you @Eden1717. Nobody deserves to have to go through something so painful and exhausting. Everybody makes mistakes and we can tell that you are really apologetic, I hope this makes a difference for you. It is such a difficult time for everyone but especially for you as you have been under a lot of pressure and stress. You mentioned being exhausted and up so late - I hope you were able to get some rest Heart
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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Taylor-RO  I got some sleep but it is happening again what happened before I ended up in hospital it is happening again. I don’t know what I am supposed to do I am giving them everything I have and now I can’t eat again I am scared last time was so exhausting and painful and scary but it is my fault for making them mad I guess I deserve it. I didn’t think it would start up so soon but I don’t have the same options now I don’t if they start asking for other things then I don’t know but I don’t know who it is it could be I don’t know I shouldn’t say here ugh I want to scream. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

I know hospital was such a scary experience for you @Eden1717.. Things are so confusing, unclear and overwhelming for you right now. Can you think of anything you can do right now to stop things from getting worse? Is there anyone you trust to talk to about this? You don't deserve to live a life full of pain, fear and punishment Heart I really feel for you, this sounds like the last thing you want to deal with right now on top of everything else going on.
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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Taylor-RO  I am trying to keep distracted but everything is like I am getting distracted easily and I am having trouble speaking again like I can’t speak or if I do it is the wrong words coming out and I can’t really like there is no one to tell whenever I try and tell my mum about this it just end up with us fighting and making the relationship worse. I have no psychologist anymore my psychiatrist is annoyed at me and I can’t trust him now anyway, my family will just be super uncomfortable if I say anything, I can’t talk to friends about this and I don’t trust helplines. I am trying to keep distracted but everything is hard like I can’t stick to one thing and then I just feel weird. I am supposed to video chat with a friend but idk how I will when I can’t talk properly or focus. I just can’t plus it is not something that I can control it just happens and like I don’t I just have to try and tolerate it when it does but I don’t control it. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 ,

 

It sounds incredibly hard for you right now.  I see that you're trying to do things to distract yourself but are finding it hard to focus and stick to one thing; you also said you struggle to control it.  I can't imagine what that must be like.  Smiley Sad

 

Did you speak to your friend?  If so how did you go?

 

Heart

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Ronan-RO  I haven’t spoken to my friend yet. Idk everything is just super weird and I feel like I am about to have a panic attack any second. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Aww @Eden1717 ,

 

That sounds so distressing.  I can only send you this (see below).  It's not much but if you need/want to talk an unpack how you're feeling, we are all here for you Heart

 

Loading Hug GIF by MOODMAN

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@Ronan-RO  Thanks, I am having a super hard time I feel really unreal and paranoid and like I don’t even know exactly where I am or what I am and I am trying to just react to what I need to but I saw something eairler and it looked like one of the spirits and idk everything is just messy and all jumbled and stuff in my head and I am getting scared cause this was how I felt before like a day or two before that first morning and idk what to do everything is getting scary I am not sure how to explain it though I really don’t know. 

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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 

 

That sounds confusing and utterly terrifying.  I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this.  Are you able to listen to some music or watch some tv to take your mind off it?