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I am of no value or use

I feel like I am no value to anybody, I am just there. I'm just another person like I don't contribute anything to the world, I'm pretty much just a body taking up space. In my friends, family, community, Ro, work I'm just another one. Im just 'that annoying guy' the one who doesn't shut up about himself and nobody is interested in talking to because he's so fucking annoying. I am dumb too and people are getting real bloody sick me being completely stupid. "Jays dead" "oh who's that?" Or they would say "oh that annoying guy, good" people wouldn't even notice or care m if I wasn't here. 

My friends aren't even interested in being around me, I'm always being lied to and when I'm not I'm being liked to I'm being treated like they don't want to be around me. 

I wish people were just honest with me, if you hate me just say so, like why lie when it's pretty obvious. 

I'm over it, and I'm clearly unloveable that's why nobody wants anything to do with me, if my own family can't love me like they are supposed to unconditionally then how can other people. and people only talk to me when they desperately have to. 

This past week has been huge and I'm so fucking exhausted and over everything.

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

Sorry this makes no sense
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

Oh @j95 if only you could see yourself from someone elses point of view.

To me, you are a music maker, someone who isn't afraid of hard work. You give dogs a forever home. You are willing to help other people in their hard times despite you going through one yourself. When life knocks you over, you always get back up. And you love AFL.

These are just some of the things that I have noticed about you.

Unfortunately we can't pick out families. Just because of your family, it doesn't mean you are unlovable.

Would you like to discuss what happened over the weekend that has got you feeling like this?

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I am of no value or use

@stonepixie the anger I have held inside because of the things going on with my brother and my friends is starting to come to the surface.

It's a small thing that set off this anger, I guess I just reached tipping point on the weekend when a mate said he was too busy to hang out with me, but I found out he lied to me, then on Sunday when a few of us did actually catch up I felt like nobody wanted me to be there and i seemed like a burden.
Sounds stupid I know. I guess this small thing has just made me think about EVERYTHING.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

and now everywhere I go I feel like an outsider, people don't want to talk to me.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

Hey @j95 Sorry I disappeared there for a while i've been a bit sick. You're absolutely right, you have had a huge week and I can only imagine how exhausted of it all you must be. It's not easy to come up against so many conflicting desires and feelings, it can sometimes feel like an uphill battle within ourselves. 

 

It makes total sense that you're angry! It absolutely sucks and I'm genuinely sorry to hear about everything you've had to go through. It's okay to be angry, letting people into that, sharing it helps and we are all listening. I'm sure if you felt like it your friends would be willing as well. 

 

You have pointed out a few opinions you think other people have of you. How can we challenge those together? It isn't fun to feel like an outsider, but sometimes it isn't our true selves that is telling us that. You have faced so much the last month, with your family, your brother and staying strong through all of it is an achievement. When you say you've been thinking about "EVERYTHING" what do you mean?

 

We will always love you unconditionally J.

 

Re: I am of no value or use

I've been thinking about my whole life how I sort of no place @Stealth_ninja and how the world may be better off without me. I hate thinking it but I do feel like that right now, as much as I wish I didn't.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

You say that you wish you weren't feeling this way, so what I want to know is, how can we help you challenge these thoughts and feelings?

Sorry if I keep on ducking in and out of this conversation, @j95, it's just that I went through something a little similar in regards to some of the things you have been feeling. So whilst I want to help you get through this, I've also got to look after myself.

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: I am of no value or use

That's fair enough too @stonepixie sorry to hear you went through something similar.
And I'm not sure the answer to your question about how you can help. Sorry.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I am of no value or use

@j95 I don't really know what to say. But we care about you here. We joined similar times and I often think about you and what your up to. I like hearing of your adventures and what not. I'm sorry your family didn't care about but one thing I've learnt for myself is that family isn't flesh and blood it's the people we care about.
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire