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I can't anymore (TW: Self harm, ED)

I can't do this anymore

It has been three years

Three years of hiding my ED, of pretending everything is fine, of telling people over and over again that nothing is wrong

Three years of obsessing over food, over being scared of eating out, of having an essential eating schedule 

Three years of going to doctors to check my weight, three years of fighting with my mum and disappointing her because I can never seem to eat enough

I have denied it for so long, doctors and psychologists were suspicious for months and months until they finally believed me. Yet, it is a lie, and I can't tell them after hiding it for so long. My family will despise me, no one will trust me. I'm sick of this, I don't know what to do. 

Re: I can't anymore (TW: Self harm, ED)

Hi Blurryphaced,

 

I am so sorry to read what you're going through.  It is really hard to pretend things are fine when they are not, and sometimes it's difficult to come out and admit to needing help during difficult times.  I am very happy you posted your true feelings.  This shows you have courage and strength to do so Smiley Happy

 

Psychologists and doctors are there to help.  They have been trained to help with EDs.  I think you can open up to them.  Are you safe at the moment?

 

I also recommend you to call Kids Helpine on 1800 551 800.  If you prefer you can also chat to a counsellor on - https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

 

 

Re: I can't anymore (TW: Self harm, ED)

Hi @Blurryphaced! What you're going through is really tough. People can struggle for years with an ED. Smiley Sad But I'm proud of you for fighting for three years. You're still here. That alone is an amazing achievement. Heart

It is so hard to put on a brave face and pretend that nothing is so wrong for so long. Admitting something like this isn't a failure or anything to be ashamed about. For a lot of people, it can be a vital step towards recovery. I think it's a courageous thing to do.  Heart

If you don't feel as though you can tell anyone you know, perhaps talking to an online or telephone counsellor would be beneficial. The Butterfly Foundation has a helpline run by qualified counsellors, for example. If you do end up deciding to tell someone you know, you could write them a letter. That way, you won't have to see their reactions, at least not initially.