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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

3 days on my anxiety is through the roof! Feeling guilty and thinking about the money is making me feel sick. I’m struggling a lot now to cope with this. I wish it never happened! I want the guilt to go away and the constant thoughts in having about it won’t go! I just want to be normal again! Have a normal life not be so low. My close friends are noticing I’m down but I have nothing to say other than I’m stressed about money! I just want this all to go away

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

Hey @Benn95 

 

Thank you for letting us know how you're going with this. I can sense the distress in your words and my heart goes out to you right now Heart 

 

Reading over your thread it sounds like you're going through something that lots of people go through in life. Feeling a strong compulsion to do something, whether it be smoking, drinking or sex can be really overwhelming. It can feel like there's a part of you that doesn't align with your usual beliefs. Feeling like you're sharing control over your behaviour with a part of yourself  that you don't understand is really scary. I want you to know you are not alone in this struggle. 

 

I wanted to create some space to talk about what your'e going through. There are many people who have sought out sex services and there are also many people who have at some point in their lives offered this service. Most of the time, the people that do prefer to be called sex workers - it acknowledges that they do a legitimate job and there are many people who require that service Smiley Happy

 

I think it's important to say that there isn't anything inherently wrong with seeing a sex worker. Like almost anything in life the most important thing to ensure is that you are safe and healthy. I want to take this opportunity to ask that you ensure you are safe when accessing sex services. 

 

The other really important thing is to be healthy. So that means getting regular STI checks and taking responsibility for your sexual health. The other part is your mental health and that brings us to what it seems to be the struggle right now. It's clear that seeing sex workers has become something that is impacting your life. Like anything if something is throwing the balance off in our life we need to reevaluate. That is why you are here - so thank you for being here and good on you for getting to a place where you are asking for help. 

 

There are ways of getting through this and there is no right or wrong answer for how to recover. I wanted to ask if you've ever heard of sex addicts anonymous? I understand you may just need a place to vent before you start seeking support but I think attending one of the many support groups for this could help Heart If so here is the website to learn more about what you're going through and also find a local support group. Let me know what you think. 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

I’m going to contact them this week! Most likely tonight! I have always taken care of sexual health and ensure to be checked. I have even stopped a relationship from occurring with someone in fear of hurting them. I’ve been speaking to someone for a while now and I feel I want to progress it. Im scared of relapsing and hurting them not only emotionally but health wise. I am clear I have been tested recently which is a relief. I want to ensure I don’t enter a relationship with someone with this burden because it could have a huge impact on them. I don’t want to just stop for them tho. I want to stop for myself as that is the only way I’m going to clear this for good! Any advice? 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

That's amazing! You should be really proud of yourself for taking action the way you are. Also, it's good to hear that you are being safe Heart 

 

I think it's actually very emotionally mature of you to avoid a relationship while you work through this. It shows that you care enough for yourself and others, to get on top of this before you enter a relationship. 

 

It's really positive that you have identified the importance of doing this for yourself. My advice would be to continue seeking out support. Seek support here, with sex addicts anonymous meetings and maybe even in your circle of friends if you ever feel comfortable/think it will be helpful. The more you reach out, the more you'll see that there are lots of people just like you Heart 

 

I look forward to hearing about how you go getting in touch with Sex and Love Addicts Anon Smiley Happy 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

Hi @Benn95,

 

I thought I would echo @Bre-RO and congratulate you for being really brave and mature with the way you are tackling this issue.

 

I have some friends who have compulsions and with them I think the biggest issue was admitting it was even a problem. The fact that you have identified the problem and are making steps to change I believe shows you are really strong Heart

 

Good luck!

And if you feel safe to do so and would benefit from it I am sure the community here at RO would love to know how you are going as you face this xxx

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes


@Tasi wrote:

Hi @Benn95,

 

I thought I would echo @Bre-RO and congratulate you for being really brave and mature with the way you are tackling this issue.

 

I have some friends who have compulsions and with them I think the biggest issue was admitting it was even a problem. The fact that you have identified the problem and are making steps to change I believe shows you are really strong Heart

 

Good luck!

And if you feel safe to do so and would benefit from it I am sure the community here at RO would love to know how you are going as you face this xxx


Thank you! I know I have a problem and I think even tho I know this it continues to happen! It’s not acknowledging the problem it learning ways for me to deal with it! I need recovery! I need to do this for myself! I do need advice and help and I need to look at my options 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

Hey @Benn95 

 

It can be so frustrating when you realise you have a problem but it continues to happen. I think that's because it takes time to build the skills/capacity to change ones behaviour. Simply having the awareness is not enough - action is what makes the difference but without the awareness you can't embark on a journey of recovery. 

 

It's great that you want to do this for yourself. You sound really determined! I think the more you explore your options the more you'll see that this can get better Heart 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

One week on since the worst relapse I have had. I feel better and motivated to stop this. Talking here and with kids help line has made me realise I’m not alone. I feel better there is no point keep thinking about the past and I now have to continue to look forward. I’m externally motivated and I feel as I felt 4 months ago before my first bad experience relapse. I know a week is a short time and I’m not taking that for granted. The problem is still there! How can I remain as motivated as this? Does anyone have any suggestions. Will a constant look back at my behaviour,

finances and the toxic ness this causes my life help it is that only going to make me feel bad and guilty. That’s what I have always done however after 3 months I relapsed so maybe I forgot about the issue 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

Hi @Benn95 and thank you for checking back in with us Heart

 

It is good to hear that kids helpline and this community can support you to feel like you aren't alone- we are here for you! Taking that step to speak with kids helpline is really brave, and I want to acknowledge all the steps you have taken this last week. Your strength and determination to work on your recovery is inspiring Smiley Happy

 

Motivation is really important and will help you continue to work on your recovery. You have mentioned earlier wanting to recover for you, and working on finding that motivation within you. I think a lot of that motivation is sustained in the why and purpose; that may be a recovery goal, or something you want for you, or it may be external too. When we know why what we are doing is important, it can be a real motivator moving forward.

 

When you are talking about motivation, where do you feel that motivation comes from for you? Is there anything either internally or externally that has helped you takes steps this last week?

 

 

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Re: I can’t stop seeing prostitutes

With the motivation I have been looking at my finances for one and realising how much better I can spend the money! I have a good job and good salary so why blow it on something that makes me feel low, disappointment in myself and rock bottom when I can invest in my future and doing things I enjoy! Also looking at how the life effect the people in that trade has helped. Looking online and YouTube at stories of the people living in that work and realise the lucky position I am in and realise I shouldn’t feed a world that is so corrupt and destroys people’s lives. Finally, I mentioned previously there is a women im very close to and I have forever held that off from blossoming because of this issue. I want to make it possible for me to enter into a real relationship with this person and that is a big motivation on top of everything I have already said. For now I am going to remain friends with this person until I feel this problem is overcome as my last relapse was only a week ago. Before that I had done nearly 2 and a half months! Any advice guys do you think im doing the right thing