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Re: I can't

Well thanks eheadspace for being useless.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I can't

How's it going @redhead ?

Re: I can't

@Ben-RO getting inked today kinda helped.

Though I don't know how to explain to anyone what's going on atm.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I can't

@redhead I saw the picture of your tatt on the other thread, looks really cool and I'm glad it helped a bit Smiley Happy

 

Did you want some help to figure out how to express what's going on? Or are you content with not chatting about it right now?

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: I can't

@lokifish that would be great. I want to understand this a bit more instead of just getting pissed when no one listens even though I'm not describing it very well.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I can't

Urrrggh I completely know what you mean. Sometimes I wish I could just beam my thoughts into other people's heads so I wouldn't have to go through this ridiculous clunky process of chunking feelings into words and arghabvaobjaragaaaaahh. I mean, sometimes I'm not thinking of anything at all, but nine times out of ten there's like a a hundred things going on and fifty fires to put out and how the hell am I supposed to organize and compartmentalize all of that for YOU to understand when even I don't get all of it? EH? WHAT IS GOING ON? AND WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE, ALL THE TIME.

*Meanwhile in real life, I'm sitting in front of the computer "calmly" sipping a cup of tea, because I'm a badass like that.*

(Or just really, appallingly bad at expressing emotions. Either/or. Probably the latter though.)

...sorry, I feel like I turned this into my own rant, but the point is - words suck. They're limited, constrained little things that lack the scope and depth required to fully convey what we mean or feel half the time. Unfortunately, we're also kinda stuck with them for now, at least until some genius figures out a way for us to communicate telepathically. But I and the other mods are happy to sit here with you and try to figure things out until that day comes.

Re: I can't

I feel like no one cares about me, that I don't matter on reach out. Im angry I'm never ok and that I always have to look for validation for how I feel. I cant express myself properly but I get down when people ignore me or don't reply properly.

But I'll try to explain some of what going on.
I'm sick of being homeless. The worst thing is I still have my old house I just can't go there without getting triggered and I don't trust myself at night. I have no idea when I'm getting a new place and it's putting strain on. My relationship with my best mate.
Another thing is my ED, I tried making a thread about it but no one responded. This being forced to eat and gain weight sucks.
And my emotional instability. I'm over it. I don't want bpd. I don't want to be sad I don't want to want to hurt myself when things go bad..
And I want to not get suicidal anymore. I've done serious damage the last few times I've tried and it scares me. I should be dead, right now I'm glad I'm not but it's hard sometimes.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: I can't

Hey @redhead ReachOut cares about you very much and we always want you to be safe. It may feel like sometimes that you don't matter on RO or no one cares about you, but the fact is we do care. It's hard though, to 'feel' the care when we're experiencing pain and upset inside ourselves. 

 

I'm glad you've expressed how you've been feeling and some of what has been getting you down lately. It makes sense to me and I get a clear idea of what's going on for you. The things you are going through right now are really hard. Being homeless is exhausting and understandably you're worried it's putting a strain on your relationship with your best mate.

 

I also hear your sadness about ED and frustration with emotional instability. Of course you don't want to be sad and don't want to hurt yourself when things go bad. All of this makes sense to me. BPD is certainly very challenging to live with and heal but it's not impossible. Your goals post is awesome and it clearly shows the steps you're taking and will take for improving things for yourself. Getting into therapy sounds like a really good idea. I've a feeling you've talked about this before so my apologies in advance, but have DBT strategies been helpful for you? 

Re: I can't

I made a thread about eating issues and no one responded as well it made me feel really bad so i can understand where you are coming from. also bpd sucks it is horrible to live with and destroys everything in its path even its host. i am glad you are still here and i do care but i apologize in advance as my replying may be a bit sporadic as i am a little all over the shop at the moment. 

Re: I can't

@Mona-RO I didn't really find the dbt skills helpful, but I only did a short time of dbt.

I start therapy next week so hopefully it will help.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire