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Re: I cant take this anymore

Hey @Eden1717 sounds like you've been really productive with your self-care - well done!

How are you doing at the moment? Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I cant take this anymore

@Eden1717 It sounds like a day to day process for you anyway but also don't forget to keep up with your formal supports as much as you can (for example like the GP you mentioned earlier etc etc). There's a lot of pressure on this decision but don't let that box you in too much at the risk of compromising your health and safety. It's sometimes the little moments of self care that literally can keep us going. 

Re: I cant take this anymore

@TOM-RO@letitgo Today is really not good. I am trying everything I can but I am not feeling ok and I don’t know what to do anymore I just feel really bad and certain stuff is very very intense and I just don’t feel in control of everything at the moment. I keep thinking that if I sleep when I wake up maybe it will be less intense but it only gets worse and I don’t know what to do. But I didn’t come all this way to screw everything up again this has to work it is literally my last chance I don’t have any other options that include being alive except this one. I am trying so so hard and I really just want to hug my dog but I can’t and I have tried literally everything I can think of. I just don’t understand why I am like this everyone else can do things and finish their studies and get jobs and can just cope with things in general. I don’t understand why I can’t do even basic things I am supposed to be a freaking adult why can’t I just be able to do normal things. I literally ruin everything I touch and I keep screwing up. I want this to work so badly but it seems I am just a useless person and a complete retard. I am safe. 

Re: I cant take this anymore

@Eden1717 I'm so sorry you're feeling so incredibly low. I can't even imagine your pain, it sounds very intense and you're doing your best. It feels the worst when the usual escape of sleep doesn't work. It's a lot of pressure to do all of those things, adulting is super tough! 

Re: I cant take this anymore

@TOM-RO I still feel awful I tried calling a crisis line and they made everything so much worse. They just kept saying they didn’t know anything about the issue I wanted to talk about and kept pestering me to talk to a service I have no interest in. They weren’t even trying to listen to me. I am so done with this crap. I just feel really bad still and the eating stuff is getting a lot worse I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am so tired of all this crap. 

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Re: I cant take this anymore

Hey there @Eden1717,

 

Well done for trying to call a crisis line. It sounds so frustrating to have to deal with a helpline that won't help or listen to you. I'm sorry that they weren't helpful, you absolutely deserve to be listened to and supported. 

Now that you've moved to a new city, do you know if there are any local supports that you could access? I know you already mentioned a GP, have they been able to suggest any other places?

 

You also mentioned going back to uni, what is it you'd like to study? 

 


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Re: I cant take this anymore

I am studying a language and international relations. @Jay-RO I don’t see the GP again until next Friday. I am so done with “helplines” they are so useless honestly idk why the people even bother running them they just end up making you feel worse. Anyway I don’t have any supports at the moment I am just trying to get through each hour. I want to cry I just feel really bad. And I am so scared all the time. I am trying so hard but everything is so stressful. I am not coping with anything and all the thoughts are still there and I want to scream and I am having so much trouble with food I can’t deal with it anymore. I am just so tired of the shit it just never stops. 

Re: I cant take this anymore

Language and international relations sounds like such an interesting course @Eden1717, did you enjoy it?

 

It's okay that you don't find helplines helpful, though it's important to contact a crisis line when you're feeling unsafe, sometimes helplines aren't helpful. When you see your GP next Friday, do you think you'd be able to ask her about other supports? 

 

I can see from your posts how hard you're trying, despite how stressful everything is. It's okay to be tired and want to cry. It can be so difficult to cope with overwhelming feelings and thoughts, especially when you don't have any supports to lean on. Is there anything you can do today to try and distract from these thoughts?

 


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Re: I cant take this anymore

@Jay-RO I will ask the GP but it can take a really long time to ge into psychologists so even if I ask it won’t help in the near future. I am really upset at the moment and I don’t even know what to do anymore I literally can’t take this I can’t I am trying but it hurts so much and nothing ever helps no matter what I do everything is always still completely fucked. I just don’t understand why I constantly have to fight to stay alive why everything is always a huge battle other people just live and they have ups and downs but they aren’t constantly fighting (with the exception of people who are being hurt or otherwise unfairly treated by society) I just don’t get it living isn’t supposed to be this much work. And the thought that this is going to be forever is too much like I know it isn’t going away but I just I don’t know that I can do it if this is going to be forever. I am so tired not physically but mentally exhausted constantly I am not freaking ok and there is nothing anyone can do to make it any better. I need a break but there is no where I can go to get one. I am so fucking tired. I am safe. 

Re: I cant take this anymore

Hey there @Eden1717

Just letting you know that I removed the detailed part of your post. Thank you for confirming your safety Smiley Happy 

 

I hope the chat with your GP, even though it won't be immediate, hopefully you can work out some supports that will help in the long term. 

Recovery can be such a long journey, and it is often hard to find the right one strategy that works for you. It's okay to be upset about it all, it sounds so frustrating to be exhausted all the time and not feel okay. I'm sorry that I can't offer any better advice or suggestions to help at the moment, and although I will be logging off shortly, we are always here to listen. I know you've probably tried them already, but do you think you could give some of your self-care or distraction strategies another go tonight? 

 

 


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