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I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

I don't want to rely on people. I want to be independent. I mean people are often busy with their own lives so you can't rely on them all the time. Even if I can reach out to people sometimes I am afraid I'll be invalidated, not heard, or maybe they won't want to talk about it. I mean who wants to talk about more suffering when there is already enough suffering in the world? And worse of all, some people might take advantage of my weaknesses. I want to feel content with the fact I have nobody to turn to because I am self-sufficient. 

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

Hey there @Beautifullybroken 

I think a lot of people can relate to that desire to be independent. A lot of us have been let down by others in our life and it can be hard to trust people after some negative experiences. Its really sad to hear that you might have had experiences where someone has taken advantage of you after you were vulnerable with them. Has there been an experience in particular that made you feel this way? I think sometimes people do connect through talking about their own suffering with other people because pain and suffering is a relatable human experience. I hope you are doing okay today Heart How are you working towards becoming more independent and resilient?

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

Hey @Beautifullybroken,

It sounds like you are hurting at the moment, and might be feeling like you can't rely on other people. I have definitely felt this way before, it sucks feeling like people haven't got time for you or don't hear you. I think it's really great you want to be independent and self-sufficient. I'm wondering though if there is anyone in your life who you feel that you can rely on or who hears you?
____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

@TOM-RO I do feel like I've been taken advantage of in the past. I find it hard to turn to people when I'm struggling. I suppose I'm just finding ways I can cope with my difficult emotions to improve my resilience and independence.

@MisoBear I'm feeling better today. I spoke to my KHL counsellor yesterday, that helped. I don't feel ready to talk to friends and family yet.

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

Hey @Beautifullybroken , I'm proud of you for speaking to your counsellor but also recognising your boundaries in who you feel comfortable speaking to at the moment. Don't feel that you have to tell anybody but your counsellor until your ready and feel that people will listen, but you can always test the waters a little bit to see if people might be open to listening. Sometimes I ask people I trust "I'm wondering if you feel like you feel able to listen to some emotionally heavy stuff right now? If you don't, that's okay too." That way it gives people a way to opt-in, rather than detach or glaze over when they're not emotionally available to listen. It also gives you more freedom to speak when you have gained consent from the person. Do you think this is something you might be able to try yourself?

Just know that there are many people on here that care about you and are opening to listening. Your emotions might be difficult right now, but the first step of being able to better cope with your emotions is to recognise that they exist and that they are temporary, which you've done and should be so proud of. Many people don't even get to that stage!

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

@MisoBear I think it might be something I can try. Meanwhile, I think I've just been really exhausted and need to recharge. I also need to figure a way around improving my immune system before next semester. Chronic pain can wear you out physically and mentally. I've had way too many awful migraines and been getting cold/flu symptoms far too often this year.

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

Definitely sounds like you deserve some time to yourself to chill. Recognising that you're worn out and you need to take care of yourself is huge, so big kudos for that. I'm wondering whether you have a good GP/specialist you could chat too about this? I'm guessing if you have a chronic illness there might be specific ways to do this that a medical professional could advise on? I'm not sure if you're able to get a flu shot, but I know they are definitely still advising people to get them. I've managed to stay pretty well this winter, despite having a lot of pressure on me with exams and writing my thesis. Getting enough sleep is the key to my health, I think. Hows your sleep at the moment?
____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

@MisoBear I know I'm a little late in replying. But my feelings of detachment interfere with my ability to talk to others or reach out. Socialising feels like a chore. I feel so distant from others that trying to connect with others feels useless. I mean I'm still going to feel hollow and alone at the end of the day. It's been a little strange. Like I don't feel real. My memories don't feel real and nor are they eliciting any strong emotions (which feels a little unusual).

I'm on medication for migraines. I've gotten the flu shot, but it has really prevented me from getting sick. My sleep hasn't always been great lately. But I'm sleeping alright now.

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

All good about the late reply, we know how busy life can get @Beautifullybroken. It really sucks to hear that all of these things are so very difficult for you.. I don't blame you for feeling worn down and exhausted. Have you had this experience of detachment before? Do you have any idea as to what it might be related to? I think there is value in what you have said about being self-reliant and independent. There is a balance between being too self-reliant and being too dependent. For example, seeking support from others if desirable but also being able to use your own problem solving and coping strategies too. There is no harm in seeking support from others and we also want to remain mindful of withdrawing ourselves. It does vary individually and on what you are going through - this topic in itself is really complex. Is this something you have talked to your KHL counselor about? It seems like it could be worth exploring at length with a professional, given you have had some previous experiences with this Heart

Glad to hear your sleep has improved. It is a pretty sensitive topic to me, I love sleep and it is one of my top requirements. So I can relate on my own level about poor sleep impacting you significantly Smiley Happy

Re: I desire to be self-sufficient so I never feel lonely again

Hey @Beautifullybroken, sorry I didn't reply earlier. I've been really exhausted and tbh not doing the best with my mental health. Socialising can defs feel like a chore sometimes for me too. Do you have like one person who kind of gets it? I just tend to socialise with people one on one because groups are too much for me. If there's one person who understands how overwhelming socialising can be for you, maybe you could just hang out and watch a movie together (something low energy?). It's great that you're recognising when you're feeling detached.

I would second that it might be helpful to speak to a professional about those feelings, it might be useful just to check in if they're concerning you. When I feel detached from my body, I try to isolate the feeling in my toes right up to my scalp. If I concentrate really hard on the sensations it can help me reconnect. I also find being in nature can really help with this. Feeling the wind on my face or the dirt under my bare feet, or even being in a warm bath sometimes is good too. How are you going now?
____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down