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Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

Hey @Eden1717, thank you for confirming you're safe right now. It sounds like you're trying really hard to distract yourself by watching movies, but that things are feeling pretty overwhelming and perhaps a bit of control at the moment? Can you think of any self-care or positive coping strategies that help you to feel more in control and less overwhelmed?

 

This may sound odd but I find cleaning or "tidying" really helpful for this (including, folding laundry!). But maybe that's just me!

Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

@Erin-RO My room is already clean. And nothing is helping make it less intense I am really scared of eating today I don't want to I hate it I can't stand it. I don't know what to do I have no options left and I might have to move states and I just don't know what to do anymore I am so stressed. I want to cry but I can't. I just can't make the shit stop no matter what I do or how hard I try I can't make it ok. I am not ok but I can't do anything to make that change I haven't got much left to fight with anymore and some of it I don't want to fight with anymore. The aching won't go away and it hurts. Nothing is ok but I have to pretend it is I am trying so hard to not self harm but I want to. Idk I am just going to try and spend all day listening to music and watching movies. And pretending I don't exist. 

Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

Hey there @Eden1717, thanks for updating us. Are you feeling safe right now? 

 

I'm sorry to hear that things are still difficult for you today. You have been doing so well in trying to keep yourself safe, your strength and courage in reaching out and how hard you're trying is inspiring and we're so proud of you. 

 

It's okay to be scared of eating something, is there anything that's worked in the past when you've felt this way around eating?  

 

It sounds like you have a good plan for today, listening to music and watching movies sounds great. 

 


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Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

Nothing is working for anything idk what to do now I am just really not ok. I don't know it doesn't matter there is nothing anyone can do anyway why do I even bother. I am safe for now. 

Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

Sometimes it is nice to know that someone has heard what you have said and is ready to listen @Eden1717 Heart We can forget the importance of this! I am sorry that all of these feelings are overwhelming you.. What has been getting you through since you last posted?
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Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

I am not sure what is getting me through these days I think it is fear really fear of that awful hospital. It is honestly so scary for me I am terrified of it and living in this amount of crap is still better than going there. Which really isn't a good reason but it is all I have. 

Re: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared (Possible tw)

Hi @Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear the amount of fear you are feeling about the hospital, sounds really difficult. I just wanted to check in and see how you are today? Heart

TW: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared

I am not good at the moment I am so so incredibly stressed about some things and I know that is not helpful but I can't stop it. I also feel really weird and I don't know how to describe it I am trying so hard to keep safe but all my head wants is for me to die. I feel like I am standing on a cliffs edge but I am standing on one leg on tip toes and there and strong gusts of wind blowing at me making me wobble and my leg is tired and sore from standing there so long but if I move now I will fall for sure. But at the same time I have this burning fire inside me that feels like it is going to take over and set me alight from the inside out. I don't know what to do anymore nothing helps anymore. 

Re: TW: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared

Hi @Eden1717 ,

Thank you for reaching out to us- your self awareness and ability to put into words exactly how you are feeling and what the experience of distress is like for you right now is really inspiring. We are very grateful that you have reached out to let us know that you are trying to be safe, and that you are feeling a lot of pain right now. We have seen you courageously work to maintain your safety, and we really admire your strength Heart

I have seen that you have been online responding to a few other posts and offering peer support to others in the community- your support has been incredibly compassionate and conveys a lot of understanding through your personal experiences. Is supporting others on the forums something you enjoy doing?
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Re: TW: I don't feel real and I am kind of scared

@Jess1-RO I don’t mind replying to others but sometimes I feel like I am not being helpful. 

 

I feel really weird today I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he said I was hypomanic and that I needed to get more sleep but idk I feel weird today and really anxious and I keep thinking that maybe people are not really people I don’t feel depressed exactly but I feel really agitated and uneasy and I feel like people are secretly consipiring against me not people I know but like that there are strangers following me and that they want to get me and people watching me as well. I feel like I have to stop them and also I keep having all these big ideas and plans and I have so much to do and I feel really weird and I keep thinking I have magical powers and that people are trying to get me because of it. And I feel like I have to go somewhere to find something.... something big and magical but I can’t really explain it properly. I didn’t tell my psychiatrist all of this I am still not sure how to explain it plus I am not sure if I should anyway he might not understand. Ugh I just feel very antsy