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I don't feel real

I don't think I'm alive anymore.... the nightmares feel real...

It's Friday again and I'm wandering around aimlessly running into brick walls not knowing what's happening this weekend (that is how I feel).

Nightmares please go away; mental illness please go away. 

Uni doesn't feel real. Social interaction doesn't feel real and I don't want people physically because they don't seem real. Netball doesn't feel real. The weight of big ted doesn't feel real (and everyone else says big ted is super heavy). Having a nap, going for a run also don't feel real. I am not real..............

Re: I don't feel real

What happened @loves netball? As in, did something big happen?

Re: I don't feel real

It's nothing; it's not safe. 

Been a horrible week scarred in my brain. The nightmares have been beyond endurance. My family are putting me down again because I do nothing with my life. 

I am not real.....

 

I keep hugging big ted but now I'm gonna start doing the unsafe stuff

Re: I don't feel real

@loves netball so sorry to hear that your family have been putting you down again. I want you to know that you are doing plenty with your life, and you are under no obligation to do any more than what you feel comfortable with, no matter what anyone else says.

 

Sounds like there's almost a distance between you and everything else at the moment, making it hard for you to stay grounded and focused, am I right?

 

Please keep hugging Big Ted and stay safe.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I don't feel real

@loves netball if you're thinking of doing unsafe stuff, or doing unsafe stuff it's time to log off and go get extra help from someone like SCBS. This is your big push!

 

Also i reckon it'd be good to go chat to a GP while you're up there about getting something to deal with the sleep stuff? But first things first, extra help time please Smiley Happy

Re: I don't feel real

I don't need extra help @Ben-RO. I'm trying to ground myself, but it's not working. I can't talk to someone if I don't feel real either. I don't have a GP and I have to go back tomorrow for work. The sleep/nightmares are beyond help. The nightmares feel real but nothing else does.

 

I got told I'm anorexic again and I AM NOT; I eat!! But perhaps my family are right that I am useless, utterly useless - and I keep playing the other night in my head and it's making me feel unsafe. No one cares though because I can't tell anyone. But I guess I'm half safe because I haven't had an actual attempt for at least a week, just come close a few times.

 

I even tried shooting goals again. I still can't feel big ted's weight on me. I'm listening to rain sounds on my latptop and watching netball. And trying to make myself study Smiley Sad

Re: I don't feel real

@loves netball you are not useless! I can confirm that by seeing all the support you've been giving to others on RO Smiley Happy

It's great that you are using some techniques - have any of them helped you feel grounded in the past when you've felt this way? What are you studying?

Re: I don't feel real

@May_ I'd never felt like this before unitl Monday and it's getting worse and other things haven't helped and I am alone. I can't get anything to really help me that much. I should not have even posted anything. RO isn't safe for me anymore.

I'm trying to re-learn muscles and bony landmarks 

 

edit: defs not safe anymore...

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Re: I don't feel real

@loves netball I want you to be safe - I saw that you suggested to another user that they should try playing on some of the games thread because you found that helpful - would that be something you could try right now?

Re: I don't feel real

@May_ you're really kind but I don't deserve the support and time. Nothing feels real or safe anymore and it is all my fault