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I don't know, I literally don't know

To my parents,  "I don't know " is just an excuse. To me "I don't know" literally means I don't know. I don't know what I want to do with my life.  I don't know why I keep quitting courses.  I don't know what subjects I like.  I just don't know.  I don't know why I have these feelings.  I don't know what I'm meant to do.  I have no goal.  So I'm sorry I'm getting bad grades,  I'm sorry that I didn't get into the best university.  I'm sorry I wasn't able to please you.  I'm sorry that I have no resolution.  I just want to travel and stay home with my pets. But I can't. I can't because my parents are too busy trying to impress their friends, too busy comparing me to their children.  Too busy emotionally abusing me.  I'm sorry I'm such a dissapointment.  But I can't do anything about it because I don't know how. I don't know what to do because  if I drop a course again they'll just get angry at me and I'll just get depressed. I'll end up having to pay the fees for the course that I've taken.  They'll blame me for the waste of money. Why is this so hard?  I kept going on from yr10 hoping that I'd have a realisation. But it just hurts. Everything  just gets worse. I know most of you will say that it's normal and it takes time.  But I can't wait,  there's not waiting with my family. There's no solution. I need help. Smiley Sad

Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Hi there @Kavs, thank you for posting this expressive and honest post -  even though you feel so unsure about so many things you have really clearly and creatively articulated how you're feeling! 

 

Sounds like there is so much pressure on you ! -  it seems like the more pressure we feel, the more difficult it is to do anything (not very useful hey....)!

 

While it is really normal to feel unsure about things while you are still leaving teenage years into adulthood - this is a real time of discovery and growth and it takes time (sorry to say exactly what you expected!!) - it sounds like things are just building up and making you feel pretty awful Smiley Sad 

 

Sometimes it's helpful to talk out these things and process them with a counselor or psychologist - they can really help you to unpack your values, and feel more sure about who you are. How would you feel about that? 

 

Do you do anything else to process things? Like writing in a journal, or going for walks? 

 

You might find it helpful to read this young person's story over here about how taking a year off helped them to discover more about who they are - of course this isn't the answer for everyone, and I'm not suggesting that you need to take a gap year - but you might be able to relate to some of the feelings this person had - let me know what you think.  Heart

 

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Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Hey @Kavs

That sounds rough and I am sorry you are feeling the way you do. Are you safe at the moment? I would highly recommend that you contact Kids Helpline or Lifeline if you are not feeling safe or you are feeling like you can't cope at the moment.

What you are feeling isn't normal and it's totally ok to feel the way you are feeling.

It sounds like you are unsure with what to do with your life have you thought about talking to a careers counselor at your university campus to explore your options?

Remember that you are doing your best and YOU are NOT a disappointment. 

 

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!

Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Hi 

Thank you so much for the comment. I've had a psychologist  before and I even talked to my counselor at the university  but they aren't much help.  Most of the advice is to talk to my parents,  that's the one thing I can't do.  It's just going to get me yelled at.  They don't really listen or care.  So it's really difficult.

Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Thank you, I'm not going to harm myself or in that thought process yet. I just need a fix for the future. My parents are just constantly dissapointed by my life.

Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Hi @Kavs, thank you for telling us that you are safe and not having thoughts of harming yourself. You can still access these supports if you feel like it would help to vent to a professional, or talk through some or your thoughts - you have got a lot on your plate. 


I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk to your parents about it - it doesn't sound like they are being open to your experience Smiley Sad 
We have an article over here with insights on how to get your parents to listen to you - might be worth having a read and seeing if any of it is helpful for you. 

 

I'm wondering how old you are? 

Is there anyone else that you've been able to talk to about this? 

 

 

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Re: I don't know, I literally don't know

Hey  @Kavs

I second the resources @gina-RO has mentioned Smiley Happy\

You mentioned that you feel that a psychologist or counsellor won't be much help as the problem is to do with your parents. Have you thought about going back to your psychologist and after a few sessions involving your parents? I find with parents they often respond better if someone else is telling them or backing you up plus they are less likely to yell at you if someone else is in the room.

Do you have any siblings that you could talk to and they could support you talking to your parents and provide back up when things get tough?

Also this may be a long term goal but have you thought about moving out? If you're not living under your parents roof there's not much they can do to control you and while it may not be possible to do that at the moment it's something you can work towards and motivate you to find a job and continue with your studies.

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Whatever it takes I know I can make it through!