cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

I don't know how I feel

It's been a while since the last time I posted. I am on break for 6 weeks from Uni and it's been ok. I had my birthday recently which was fun. I haven't done much other than go to my friend's house a couple of times. I haven't really been motivated to do anything. I've been going to bed around 1-1:30 am which isn't as bad but I've been waking up at 1 pm. Like I would wake up naturally at  8 or 9 am but then I would rather dream than stay awake.

 

I've been writing in my diary a lot about missing people and love. One of my closest friends stopped talking to me around March this year. We dated of a bit in high school but ended it as we would rather be friends instead. He said that we will continue to be friends but he stopped talking to me. He didn't even say happy birthday to me. Soon after he stopped talking to me, he got a girlfriend. My best friend told me and asked if I was ok as I had feelings for him on and off. And I didn't care that he had a girlfriend, I was happy for him but I felt sad about it as I wasn't expecting it. I thought I was over him but then I went to a party and he was going to be there with his girlfriend. I was nervous as this was going to be the first time I would see him since the end of Feb. He wasn't there when I got there but I turned around and there he was. My heart felt like it broke. He was so happy. One of my other friends was mad at him because he didn't tell me. So I guess that has something to do with me feeling weird. Did I do something wrong? Why did he stop talking to me? 

 

I think it's mostly me feeling lonely that is making me feel like this. My best friend has a job so I don't get to see her that often. My brother has a girlfriend which makes me feel lonely. I went to dinner with some of my drama friends and all their lives are going really well and here I am just stuck in a zone that I can't get out of. I want a meaningful relationship but I don't socialise. I know there's the thing with your prince will come when you stop looking for him. But I'm a hopeless romantic so it's always on my mind. I want someone who understands me and my weirdness. Who love Shakespear and art. Someone to whom I can learn from. But that is very hard to find these days. Maybe I'm too picky. I'm only happy when I'm watching or reading something that is fiction. I dream about the passion of Romeo and Juliet (without the death), about how I would love a Mr. Darcy of my own but guys these days have no idea who the hell Mr. Darcy is. Wish for so much and I know nothing will happen. I just want to go back to my normal self. 

Re: I don't know how I feel

Hi @Cookiestarr,

 

I'm really sorry to hear you've had a difficult time the last few months. Being cut off from someone important to you can be really hard and painful, and it sounds like this has been particularly difficult for you. You mentioned some thoughts about why they stopped talking to you and I think that this is a really common question that many people wonder when there is a shift in the way someone is towards you, but certainly doesn't mean that you have done something wrong either. I think we all have a tendency to blame ourselves, sometimes it can feel hard not to, but from what you said it sounded quite out of the blue and not anything you had done. 

 

That feeling of loneliness can be hard, and it's really great to hear that you are writing about how you feel in a diary- it's a really great way to get it all out and work out your thoughts. I can hear the 6 weeks break has been hard so far with some ups and downs. Is there anything you can plan to get out of the house and connect with other friends/family during the remainder of the uni break?

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for November 2019 here

Re: I don't know how I feel

@Jess1-RO, I'm going to a school play tomorrow and Wednesday which will let me catch up with some old friends and teachers. Other than that, nothing much. I might go out for a walk one day or go to the city if I do need to get out. 

Re: I don't know how I feel

@Cookiestarr it's great to hear that you have some plans this week with some old friends and seeing school plays sounds like it will be good fun and entertainment Smiley Happy

 

You mentioned earlier that your best friend and brother have both been busy lately which has made it harder to catch up with them. I think this is something that a lot of forums users can relate to, particularly during holidays when people's schedules aren't as predictable. It's great that you have the opportunity to catch up with some older friends and draw on your wider support network. 

 

You mentioned earlier about going to sleep late and waking up late. Has this been something you have experienced for a while?

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for November 2019 here

Re: I don't know how I feel

@Jess1-RO me going to bed and waking up late started when I went on break. It's because I don't have anything plan and I have no schedule so I don't have any motivation to get up or go to bed. 

Re: I don't know how I feel

Hey @Cookiestarr, great to hear that you're going to the play tomorrow. I hope you have a wonderful time Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I don't know how I feel

@Cookiestarr I hope you have a good time at the play! It sounds like with the holidays going on you have been feeling a bit more isolated and lonely, especially with what happened over your friend, and that the lack of activities/structure is making that a bit harder to deal with. I want to echo @Jess1-RO's thoughts that you probably didn't do anything wrong with your friend; as an outsider it sort of sounds like he might have had some trouble dealing with his feelings and that maybe he felt weird/awkward because he got a girlfriend, which led to him avoiding you. Of course this is all speculation, but the main takeaway is really that other people are 100% responsible for their actions; it seems like if you did something wrong one of your friends would tell you, but since one of your other friends is mad at him for his actions it really is on him for not communicating with you properly.

 

As someone who has also struggled with romantic relationships in the past, I can really relate to the feeling of being very romantic but feeling really left out and having no idea of ever having a relationship. What I found the most helpful for this was actually being more supportive and feeling more confident with myself: when you see yourself as a fun, caring person that is great to hang around, other people will also see you as that way too. And it's also important to put yourself out there and go actively looking! In my city there are lots of arts and theatre programs for young people and they're great ways to have fun and meet people with similar interests. Remember that Mr. Darcy didn't even want to be at the ball where he first met Elizabeth and Mr. Bingley forced him to--similarly, you might find yourself unexpectedly meeting someone you click with, but only if you take the opportunity to meet them first!