Where do I start. Every damn time I'm feeling alright something ruins it all. Now it was bad enough that I found things out about my ex that made me really upset, but someone guided me through it and I was fine. But now I find out something worse then what I've known. I've always known my parents (maybe just father) has done drugs or whatever but refused to believe it. Eventually as I got older I knew the truth, still not letting letting myself completely believe it. I'd come to terms with the fact that they smoke weed or whatever they do. But NOW I find out that my father not only DOES drugs but DEALS them as well. It makes me feel sick, hearing that conversation I was never supposed to hear. It's been a few days since I found out and now more thoughts are starting to creep in, and this is where I'm really freaking out. If he's dealing them who's supplying them? Is it that 'tiny' guy I've heard about? What if where growing them on our farm? What if the police find out? Is all the stuff i own paid for with 'drug money'? How could these as*holes do this. I mean im not worried about myself but my THREE younger siblings. I just can't anymore. I'm continuously feeling sick, not eating. I can't even bring myself to speak to him at all. I need to get out. I don't want to live here anymore. And the worse part is I have nobody to talk to. No friends that I trust enough, that will just think my family is screwed. I never wanted to be one of 'those' families. The dirty ones you see, the ones you know something's wrong. If I tell my friends that's what we will be known as. Overall I'm just in disbelief that they can do this and then go on to have four children. I don't know what to do.
You are going through a lot and finding that out must be devastating for you. What a terrible situation you are going through. You are so amazing that you are not only thinking about you but your siblings. Have you spoken to your parents about what you know and your concerns?
You have said that you didnt want to be that family thats dirty and all that but what your parents do shouldn't reflect on who you are as an individual. We all have family problems and family secrets that can affect us but what I try to remember about my family issues is that I am not my parents and all I can do is learn from them and not make the same mistake. I think its important to talk to someone if not your friends then maybe calling Lifeline or a family member who knows whats going on is a good idea to help you gather your thoughts.
Its terrible what you are going through but I think you are strong enough to get through this.
Take care of yourself.
_________________________________________________ **Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**